Dear Cath:
You are welcome, Cath. What we resist, persists. We try not to think about X, and we will. We try to not feel Y.. and we will.
Let me know how it works.
anita

Dear cath:

Only yesterday, after reading a comment you wrote elsewhere, I thought about bringing back this very thread and say hello to you, and the next day (today)- you did!

I am glad you’ve done a lot of progress so far! It is good when what you knew in your gut matches what you now know in your head (emotional understanding matching your intellectual understanding, so no conflict there).

So many people though (think about it if you haven’t so far…) keep living in a lie so to protect themselves from what they know to be true in their gut. They keep lying to themselves about their relationship so to … feel better. But there is always a heavy price for not facing up to the truth of a situation. Best to see it as it is, see what is for what it is, not for what we wished it was… no tricking one’s mind without a heavy price to pay.

Please do bring up this thread anytime you want to say hello and chat!

anita

Dear cath:

You wrote that cutting contact with your ex boyfriend “substantially decreased (your) anxiety”- remember that and keep the contact none existing. As far as your parents divorcing, it is not right for them to involve you. It is not your business. Please minimize your involvement in it. If any of them needs support, they need to find it NOT in their daughter!

Plus you had enough anxiety and distress. You even stopped taking your anxiety medication. Keep it this way and do not allow them to distress you. Assert yourself in this regard.

anita

Dear cath:

Maybe you should endure these feelings and not act on them. Maybe tolerate missing him and do nothing about it. I am feeling down this evening myself. I think of a few causes but I am not sure what brought it about. It is not my usual state of mind anymore. Used to be but not for a long time. Don’t know why. But I am going to endure it. I am enduring it, just feeling it. I used to get scared of feeling this way and think, think, think what to do so to feel better. Maybe if I endure it without trying to feel better, i will learn something. Don’t know what it is yet.

I am sharing this with you because these feelings, loneliness, disappointment about the rejection letter… anger about your ex blaming you… all these, why don’t you just stay with these, let them be. And tell me how it works for you. I will tell you how my tolerating my down feeling tonight works for me…

anita

Dear cath:

Thank you for asking. I endured too. I thought to myself today: so, what did I learn from this?

My answer: maybe this is a feeling (that down feeling) one experiences when transitioning from Insanity to Sanity. I am getting farther away from insanity, which is way more common than I ever thought.

Glad you endured. If you endure again and again and not react to distress, you may build up the esteem and confidence to move forward to a better kind of life…?

Please do bring up this thread anytime, for any kind of discussion.

anita

Dear cath:

I hope to read some day from you that you are having a loving relationship with another man. A loving, Win-Win relationship. I thought it would never happen to me. I thought it would be some kind of a miracle if it would happen. I was in my mid forties, thinking: my goodness, this is it. I will never have a loving relationship with a man. To my surprise, it did happen. Not that easily though. It was a lot of work and healing, but it happened. I hope it does for you too!

anita

Dear cath:

I lost/ thrown away 2.5 years time 10, multiply by 2 and that would be about right. I was thinking about this very thing before I read your post. It is amazing how so many people, not only you and I, indeed waste so very much of our lives. It is mind boggling and it is the rule, not the exception. Lots of waste, waste of time, of resources, of life…

This is one of the pains we have to endure, cath. Nothing to do about it but endure. Take it in as the truth and stop resisting it. It is better that way.

Can you let this knowing of the waste, the loss of time and resources, can you take it in with a few deep breaths and let this knowing relax into you?

Let me know.

anita

Dear cath:

Did I mention to you before that I was on clonazepam (Klonipin) for 17 years? 4 mg per day.

Glad you are feeling better. At least when you wrote the above. I am not feeling great this evening, physically not that great and otherwise.. I think I will go to the mat and lie on it now. Till later-

anita