Home→Forums→Tough Times→Parents divorcing at the same time of a bad break up. No one to talk to, so alon
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March 21, 2016 at 7:23 pm #99767
AnonymousInactiveAnita, I hope you feel better :))) breathe, meditate, and relax 🙂 and then we talk more if you wish!
March 21, 2016 at 8:01 pm #99770AnonymousGuestDear cath:
Was on the mat (yoga mat) since I wrote you and feel more calm. Thanks for the note. By your smiley face looks like you are still feeling good?
anita
March 23, 2016 at 5:36 pm #99921AnonymousInactiveGlad to hear you felt better 🙂
I was – but today anxiety oscilated quite a bit. Had a wave. Trigger is always thinking of him. Then I made this exercize to think rationally about it and it controlled the wave. Anything related to him is still toxic. Amazing. I can’t even think of him that it triggers everything. How is that even possible? How come a person can-even distant, without contact-exercize such..power over my mind? Unexplainable.March 23, 2016 at 6:11 pm #99925AnonymousGuestDear cath:
Yoga helped me the other day, today rational thinking helped you. Different things help at different times.
You asked, maybe no one in particular, how can this man exercise such power over your mind without being in your life anymore?
The memories imprinted in your brain from the time you did have contact with him are attached to powerful emotions. Both memories and emotions are of course, in your brain, all in-between-those-two ears, nothing to do with his person anymore.
This is how it is possible. Emotions: energy-in-motion.
But you knew that…
anita
March 24, 2016 at 8:59 pm #100049AnonymousInactive🙂 always relieving and comforting reading everything you write. Also i like when you share how you deal with bad days… Thinking about what you said – as his ‘power’ being actually ..memories was very very helpful. Thank you so much.
🙂
I’m battling towards regaining self esteem and self confidence, finding self love. Each day I discover a little bit, something new, as of what loving myself really is. I really had no idea until a few months ago.March 25, 2016 at 10:53 am #100084AnonymousGuestDear cath;
Thank you for your kind words, cath!
I wanted to point to you for some time now that clonazepam is addictive and should be prescribed, really, as a short term treatment while you learn and practice skills to calm yourself. When you are practiced enough, when you gain the insight you need and the practice of skills,then clonazepam needs to be discontinued, gradually.
I like your two smiley faces and am glad to read you are discovering new things every day, learning is key. Please do continue this learning path!
anita
March 29, 2016 at 7:30 pm #100448AnonymousInactiveThanks about the remarks about clonazepam – I’m doing the treatment with a psychiatrist so we are cutting it in about a month and see how it goes 🙂
There’s something I’d be interested in hearing your point of view.
My relationship with my mom has been rough once again. Because yes she has been trying to help me but then she says I’m not grateful, and that I’m selfish, and she complains because my mood swings (irritability is something that sometimes I can’t really control).
Honestly, as a mom, shouldn’t she be helping me without expecting anything back? Sometimes I prefer that she doesn’t do anything at all instead of hearing all this burden.
Anita, I’m not selfish at all. It’s very much the contrary. For all of my life, I hardly ever put myself as a priority. I’m just learning that now.
I should also add that my mom left us because she believes she is in her ”spiritual path”, that she found herself in yoga (I shall remind you that she’d rather have taken a yoga class instead of taking care of me sick with a bad infection in the hospital) and living in this house no longer fulfills her- and I’ve done yoga for over 4 years, I’m well aware of what an actual spiritual path is and it does not involve expecting things in return. My brother is full of issues as well- honestly mentally I’m sure he’s doing a lot worse than I am – and she’s pretty much neglecting him. It hurts me to see what she is (not) doing to him. Not to mention my dad but then this is something else.
Inputs always welcome 🙂
March 29, 2016 at 7:52 pm #100451AnonymousGuestDear cath:
Your mother sometimes helps you and then, she hurts you at the same time. Helps and Hurts. Isn’t it the reality of it? Hurts and helps and hurts. This is why so many children, minor and adult children are so confused. Most if not all abusive parents are sometimes helpful, even loving-like.
Imagine the most abusive mother, she is sometimes helpful, or often helpful and also abusive. So… what to do?
Get away and have nothing to do with her, is my input! Give up her help and you will give up her hurting you.
anita
April 3, 2016 at 7:42 am #100734AnonymousGuestDear Cath:
Thinking about you this Sunday morning: how are you? How is moving-on from the ex going? PhD plans? Relationship with mother?
anitaApril 3, 2016 at 8:51 am #100741AnonymousInactiveDear Anita,
thank you so much for asking. Means a lot to me.
I’m tired Anita. Tired of the distress, tired of not having completely forgotten the ex (I’m doing a LOT better but I don’t have answers. I still don’t know what I have lived with him and I feel anger but sometimes I relapse and miss him. So I let myself cry a little bit whenever I need. Until evertything is really washed away I guess.)
I’ve received anothr PhD rejection, there are more results to come out over the next weeks and more applications to send. I was obviously upset but see, I still need so much patience.
i’m tired of the distress at home as well. nothing moves. My mother is blind she has no idea what she is causing to me and my brother. She thinks she is right by the way she treats us. My dad now is being a lot more helpful. But he is still often sad.
So I’m tired anita… I’ve got to a point that I’ve reached my maximum. It’s been 5 months I’ve been in this situation. I mean is it ever going to change?April 3, 2016 at 9:17 am #100742AnonymousGuestDear Cath:
When you are stuck in a situation, in a mental situation and a physical situation, and it seems to me that you are stuck in both, it is very, very difficult to make a change happen. See, when you are stuck, you hope and wait and hope and wait for a change
You asked: “is it ever going to change?” This is a characteristic of being stuck: you wait for a change to happen to you.
I can’t think of a way to un- stuck yourself other than you making a change, you becoming the active subject in the sentence, the subject bringing about the active verb.
It also seems to me, that it may be a good idea for you to no longer wait for your PhD answers, or wait only for a short time more, and then move out of the home of your parents and the town where your ex lives.
If you remove yourself from the physical situation where you live, you will not have to deal with your mother and you will not be geographically close to the ex.
It took me only a few moments to type this post with what I think you should do. For you to do what I suggest takes way more than a few moments of typing into the computer screen. I am well aware of it, that is why I used the words “very, very difficult” above.
But it sure would be refreshing to read one day, sooner than later, I hope, that you moved out of that house, that you are on your own someplace else, unstuck!
anita
April 3, 2016 at 1:26 pm #100754AnonymousInactiveAnita, I will tell you something.
This is really my plan but what’s more interesting is that this week I went to an astrologist who had no idea of my current situation and she said the same. That in order to seek happiness I’d have to move away from where I am. And honestly I think it’s the only solution right now.
Actuallt if a PhD came out right it would be good because it would envolve moving away to another country but i need to back up with another way to move out. So let’s see what are my possibilites!
Thanks for hearing, as always!April 3, 2016 at 1:49 pm #100755AnonymousGuestDear Cath:
You are welcome and thank you for replying. And do bring up this thread anytime. When I see it, I will reply.
I like your words: “my possibilities”- as in there are other possibilities…
anita
April 3, 2016 at 6:28 pm #100759AnonymousInactiveMy mom hurt me again today..
Anita it’s so curious how my mom and my ex would hurt me exactly the same ways.
Psychology probably explains that?April 3, 2016 at 8:29 pm #100778AnonymousGuestDear Cath:
Reality is lots of people hurt people. Mothers do, fathers do, CEOs do, politicians do, other criminals do, strangers do, relatives do. All you can do is remove yourself from people who hurt you and insist on being selective about who you choose to spend time with and most importantly, be selective about who you choose to live with.
Just because she is your mother doesn’t mean- and as you know, it does not mean- that she is right for you to live with or spend your time with.
Nobody should get access to you except for who you deem to be safe for you, kind and respectful to you.
It is sad, we adult children keep hoping and waiting and hoping and waiting for a mother to be loving, for someone unloving to change and be loving… when our chance to find love is …
somewhere else, with someone else, not with who already proved to be unloving to us.
anita
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