Dear Anita, I agreed when you said “You are not her psychotherapist”. I learned that midway through everything that I am not a problem solver especially stuff that she needs to figure out on her own. I think this has to do with being a person who enjoys helping others and sometimes I am learning to step back and let others fend for themselves so that they can fail/learn from situations. What I want to clarify to you is when you said “You feeling relieved indicates to me that you don’t want the relationship you had with her. You only want certain parts of it, not the whole package”. What I mean’t when I said relieved was for my own feelings. It is like this, two weeks ago we talked about moving to the U.S one day, if things were out and marriage etc. I fell asleep that day on top of the world! Then a few days later she goes cold and I just feel this sensation of “WTF” went wrong…… ” She was there opening up, and now fear came inside of her” I would feel a little down but I knew that this was her and I got to learn how her behavior would be. I learned with her to be patient, I see something in her that for me I know deep in my heart that I want to be with this girl. The whole package…. I just know that for now, until she works things out I don’t have that “low” feeling. I think it was just me creating expectations and getting excited about something in the future.

I have a question for you about your dishonesty comment “don’t give up on me even though I don’t feel that you are Mr. Right, so i am going to say you are Mr. Right so that you will stay….

If she is telling me that she likes me only as a friend, that she needs to give herself a chance to figure out if it is her the problem or me, and telling me to live my life. Why would she say that? Because at this point it is clear to both of us that she would be the one to get in touch with me if she wants a relationship with me. I don’t know if in her mind she is thinking “Well, for now he is doing his own thing while I figure stuff out, I hope he is waiting”……….

Hey everyone! An unfortunate event happened. I went out Friday, and Brazil is a dangerous place. I was assaulted by 5 guys, had my money and phone stolen. I also broke off my front tooth. I went to seek help back where I lived because I took a taxi. My friends were not home and I was all bloody and everything.The only place I could think of going was her house. Her dad took me to the hospital. Obviously they were all pretty scared about what happened. I am doing better now and she sent me this startling email later that afternoon.

Carlos … I’ll ask you something definitely … Get out of my life and the lives of my family !!! I am so afraid of you !! Stay away from me for my own good, your good and the good of my family !! What do you make of your life is your business and I want no part of anything else … And please, no longer appears in my house !! I do not like you and I need u to respect it and follow your life !! I really am too afraid to u …. My panic attacks today was a thousand … I do not want you in my life at all !!! Do not hope for anything … I’m not feeling any !! And if I can suggest you something, I go back to Chicago and soon !! Stay away from me, please !!! Please do not answer me this email !!

Bye!!!

So with her reacting this way to me which was very rude and I don’t know why she would be afraid of me. With this experience being assaulted and things not working out with her. I think for my happiness and what is best for me I am returning to my family this Wed to Chicago and leaving things here behind. It is time for me to rebuild and I just need my family right now. I sent her an email yesterday because I needed to get somethings off my chest and leave with a peace of mind.

Hey, I hope you’re having a good night. I wanted to email you and let you know that I’ll be going to Chicago Wednesday. I wish you email so I can finish things with peace on my side of things. I’m not sure why you sent me that last email that was really nasty. I do not understand why you are afraid of me. I wanted to let you know that what happened to me was not my fault and I did not cause this to happen. I was not even going to go to his house, but Natalia but she was not home. The only person I can think of was his family to help me in a time of need. Do you think it was not a good idea? Just realize that I’m alone here and I thought I could always count on you for help. I guess I was wrong. Do not worry, because you and your family will not have to deal comigo.Eu also wanted you to know that I’m listening to you that you do not like me and I’ll respect that .I will live my life and move on with him to leave me with a good piece of mind in me I need to write this email. Please do not respond to it. Just for to keep it in your mind.

I will go tomorrow to the bank to take care of some things and talk to Jurandir and say my goodbye to my friends there. I wanted to warn you in advance so that you would not be surprised if you saw me there. Do not worry, I will not approach you or anything.

We had a wonderful story you and I, no matter how things ended here, but it was an adventure and an experience I will never forget. If you do not want to talk to me anymore, then that is your choice. If you choose not like me and not to be with me, then that is your choice. Me leaving Chicago is my choice and I need to do, because I’ll be happier there with my family. But I just wanted you to know something I need to tell you. I have no expectations, I will live my life and not look back anymore.
But I wanted to tell you that it can not be today may not be tomorrow, it may not be this year or next. But one day Adriana, you’ll realize that the right person for you was here in front of you. For whatever reason, it may be this was the wrong time. Perfect people, but found the wrong time in our lives. If you ever come to the conclusion that one day you want to be with me. Then you meet me, I message me no matter where I’ll be. Come to Chicago and meet me. I go with open arms talk to you, I go with open arms mickey be yours or you want me to be. That’s all going to be your choice your choice, not mine. If I never hear it again, so it’s okay, I guess it was not to be the end. But I wanted to leave the door open for you that I’m not hurt or angry with any of this. It is an experience and a lesson and I will learn from it and become stronger. I have no regrets about anything. I love you and that will never change. I wish you the best of luck in life. You are a strong and amazing person. Keep going forward and everything will be fine.

Right Carpe Diem! So go ahead and use it every day to get up in the morning and do something important. Take care of yourself, understand yourself better. Just know that, despite what you think of me at this time, for any reason, I hope one day you realize how patient, caring and everything I was with you. I always believed in you, want the best for you and showed you what a man should do for a woman. I hope that I could show him that I was not here to hurt you, I wanted to take care of you and show you that your past will not happen again. You had a chance with me and things were going well until a few things you need to better understand has to happen. That’s good though. Perhaps things had to happen this way. Regardless, you can always email me or message me if you want. I have no bad feelings about you!

-Carlos

Tiny Buddah community,things are going to end up being bitter with this mess that was created. I will leave with my head held high that I tried but under these circumstances it is best to do what will make ME happy and not someone else. The ball is in her court now and she can decide what she wants in the future and if she wants to message me or be with me then that is for her to decide and if I am still available or want to.

I am now in Chicago, we saw each other for a few minutes before I headed to the airport. We agreed this was not a goodbye but a see you later. I know what I have to do which is move forward and be happy for myself. I truly love this girl and did everything I could only control for the relationship. The only thing left for me to help me with this process is if it is meant to be then will find each other again to be together. That she would need to come after me if she ever realized she was ready or wanted to be with me.