Dear Nina:

Can you give examples of the phoniness you are referring to. It can mean different things to different people, and I would like to be clear about what it means to you.

anita

Hi Nina,

Living an authentic life, means to face your own fears, and live true to your heart. Demonstrating that within your own life is the essence of self love, however it does reveal the false disguise of others. How do deal with this in your life is with empathy and compassion. Knowing they live with fears, and with their mind that does not stop tormenting them.

You are not there to fix them though….. that is there journey. If anything, your presence in their life is to demonstrate how you, yourself are genuine and authentic, and that they can be that also. Demonstrate your self love so powerfully, that they will want to try it themselves.

This also is a trap….. do not get caught in the mind frame that they are less because they are not true to themselves. Their progression is theirs alone. You have yours, and that is your primary focus. Realise your inner divinity, and manifest that in the world.

Best

Evan

Dear Nina:

So phony people in your experience, and I am using my words here (let me know if I am correct, are people who negatively criticize others, make fun of others, mock others for their jobs, economic status, looks, national origin, religion, accent, mannerisms.

It is important to not look down at people for these things or for anything at all. There is no reason whatsoever to ever make fun of anyone. For any reason.

And it is what people do to feel better about themselves, giving their inner critic a break by directing it at others. The Outer Critic is the opposite side of the same coin: one side is the inner critic, the other- the outer critic.

The word phony makes sense to me in the context of people behaving as if they like you when you are present and then criticizing you behind your back- that is phony, insincere. One way I figure who is likely to do that is if that person gossips and makes fun of a third person to me. Then I know it is only a matter of time before it is my turn: before I am the subject of that person’s gossip and ridicule.

anita

Dear Nina:

I agree with your sentiment about gossiping. It is definitely a negative social activity. We inherited this behavior from herd/ group animals, I believe. What happens is that individual X feels too weak to confront individual Y, so individual X gathers other members of the herd in the efforts to together, strength being in numbers, expel individual Y from the herd. Hyenas do that.

This behavior is beneficial to the group if individual Y is dangerous to the group, but in everyday human gossip, unfortunately, individual Y is simply displeasing to individual X, not dangerous.

Gossip is gathering numbers in effort to hurt the target individual. Nothing less, and so I share your sentiment about gossip.

anita

I hate phoniness and fakes more than anything in this world!
To be completely honest, I expect almost everybody to be phony at some point or another in their lives. My solution is to be the realest person I can be, recognize when others begin to act in a dis-genuine manner, and avoid them when they are being fake.
Although avoiding people may not be the best solution, I find that it sends a strong message and I find that it is the most effective solution for me.
You can preach and preach and preach about being authentic and real. But at the end of the day, people will do what benefits them most.
I can accept that fact and that is why I will avoid you if you are being fake.
That is why I can say with conviction that I am one of the most honest, sincere, and genuine people you will ever meet!
Have a nice day y’all!!!