ok, so this is my purpose…..it is to die to you, all of you,. its to live a life of complete surrender….it is a burden and a blessing….it is a fully submitted heart to God and becoming his slave, his sheep…..everything we have ever done in our lives, the way it has played out is perfect. every wrong turn, hurt and mistakes weren’t at all, we just perceived them as…each part of the journey has its own meaning, purpose takes on a new meaning only when youre able to look back at the past,…at each version of you d

there are infinite expressions and possibilities of you at  any given moment. there are so many versions of me that i dont even know and will never know. i can be a coward, well i feel like i am a coward. im afraid of how powerful i really am. i like to be small. its easy, familiar and safe. its not reall though, this me. its a lie. ive perfected this role so much…being a victim was so easy to hide beneath. no one could see me under it. it was the only place i felt safe to hide. but then she grew and she looked at me differently….she didnt like me as much because someone said being a victim was a bad thing. i made life hell for her, i always have. i run the show, little did she know how much power i had. how could she? I was so well hidden it took years before she knew of me. pretty sure she cut me off early in life. i know why. who is this she I reference to? i ts me. source. the voice in my heart. its essence. my entire journey in life has been finding my way back to source. ive slayed demons, torn down walls of pain, picked up the pieces of my broken spirit that were locked away in foreign places, in dark places that i forgot about. i was frozen, trapped in space and time, alone, sad, wondering why isnt she seeing me? but i did..eventually. so why am i a coward? Because I know I have a higher calling, a purpose assigned to me and I have been a coward….I was even wagering with God to allow me to remain small because if you want me all for you, you will have to cause me to and that scares me, and now i realize that it wont be you to cause that, it would be me. you are the one calling me t power and I have ignored you. why oh why why? why do you want to die. maybe ive already killed you, youve been dead forever, and i dont even know you. maybe ive suffered so long and ive been neglected for so long, that i know if you dont hear me and save me, i will die. dont you care?

im not small anymore am i? No,…..i feel like i look retarted