Hello,

I’m sorry you’re going through this hard time.

Do you struggle with initmacy/relationships at all? How does it feel when people get close, do you fear they’ll leave? How do you act in anxiety driven situations, do you run or sit & work through it?

From personal experience, you sound to me like you’re suffering from depression. You’re burdened by your past relationships with people who were supposed to care for you always and failed to do so. Seeking help for your mental health should be a priority. There are ways to self-help with the numbness that you can find through Google search. I highly recommend reaching out to someone you’re close to or seeking a therapist. You don’t have to torture yourself, and you’re not alone in your feelings. As for your relationship, only you know what it’s like and how you feel about it. If you don’t feel in love and leaving wasn’t as hard as you’d expect, it might just not be the right relationship for you. Just because someone treats you the way you deserve doesn’t mean it is going to work out easily. You’re still so young. It seems as if now is the time to focus on yourself. Relationships may be a great source of support, but you cannot force the connection necessary to mutually benefit both of you. There is something to be said about timing; Your boyfriend could be Mr.Right but not right for now. The journey to healing is sometimes lonely, and it is easy to withdraw yourself completely from everyone. Lean on your friends and don’t  be indicated in taking on self-care.

Dear Saqqara:

Our childhood experiences are very powerful.

When your father was drunk and disappeared for days, maybe you responded by trying to please him, to make him happy so he doesn’t feel the need to get drunk and so that he will not disappear anymore. With your ex boyfriend, maybe  you continued  that role, it gave you meaning, it  is something you have done  in childhood and continued to do. That role comforted you a bit, as a child, that is, it reduced your anxiety.

With the new boyfriend, after the intoxication of being  in a relationship with a consistently loving  man, you became anxious for having lost your role. Like your life is meaningless now that you have no person to fix.

When you found yourself without that role, anxiety went up and  loving feelings disappeared. Can it  be it?

anita

Dear Saqqara:

You mean that you lost feelings for everything and everyone in your life at the same  time? Can you elaborate  on that “everything and everyone” you lost feelings for, and what do you think brought it  about?

anita

Dear Saqqara:

If you want, share more: who are  those people “closest to (you)” and how do believe that you are hurting them?

anita

Dear Saqqara:

When your father got drunk and disappeared, wasn’t he  the one  who hurt you?

Can you share  about your past and current relationship with your father, and then, with your mother?

anita