September 10, 2020 at 8:43 am #366496
So im going to write a post regarding a girl that i like (she’s 4 years younger than me, im 21 and she’s 17). If you see my previous threads about her you might get confused, because i keep confusing my decisions on her. So u can just read this thread.
So basically i used to confess to her, but she rejected me but i keep contacting her stating that we are only friends, and therefore she texts me too because she thought we are only friends, whereas deep in my heart i keep hoping for her to like me that we keep in contact through texts.
So she’s going to uni next year, her uni is on another city 45 minutes away from our city by boat. I tell her that if i go to her uni’s city later on when she’s in uni, i want to ask her to eat together with me.
Then she suddenly texts me stating that, do i only regard her as friends or more? Why would you ask me to eat together with you?
Then she said that i need to stop texting her daily, and that she knows that all this time that i like her but she keep replying because she like me too, but now she want me to regard her as only a friend who texts when we really need to texts, not texting daily like right now. Then she confesses that after she rejected me that time, and we keep texting each other since 2017-2020… then at 2018 she realize that she like me and keep thinking about me, but nothing more (like she doesnt want a relationship) because her parents forbid her, and she said that she isnt ready for a relationship and that in uni she want to focus on her studies and get a good job after she graduate, and she doesnt want me to wait for her to be ready.
I said that we can text each other everyday like this, but she said she cant… she feels burden and she doesnt want anyone to wait for her.
Then i ask her that if later in the future, like a few more years.. i come back to you again, will you accept me… she said she cant answer that and she said that i shouldnt predict on her feelings…
Then i ask her that do u really like me now or are u just saying this to get rid of me? She then said that her feelings for me right now are genuine. But she doesnt want me to keep contacting her… and we should just be a normal friend who texts when we really need something from each other.
Then i asked, so u want me now to chase another person? She said she wont answer that
Then she said, okay take care of yourself, starting now on we are just friends…. who contact when we really need each other like how normal friend supposed to be… and not keep texting daily.
Im so heart broken right now, as i just found out that she has feelings for me… but she wants me to back off like this. It really hurts….. i really dont know what should i do with my feelings right now for her… should i move on? Or i shouldnt?
I have a really hard time forgetting about her, i like her for 5 years. I genuinely love her, and i always thought that she is the one
FelixSeptember 10, 2020 at 9:15 am #366499AnonymousInactive
Oh, Felix, Maybe it is time for some real down to earth talk. Like total honesty. It sounds like you have liked a girl since she was 12 years old. And you were 16. In some countries, her being so much younger is not a problem but in my country it is a problem. You keep struggling with this obsession of her. She is too young and has asked you to stop contacting her but you don’t or won’t stop. Yes, please please move on.
She is telling you with honesty that she is not interested in you. You don’t listen in the past but now you must listen and do as she asks.
It is time to let go and stop. She is actually being very clear to your asking her over and over “Do you want me to chase other people?” – but she refuses to answer because the answer is yes, leave her alone. And she doesn’t respond because what you write sounds manipulative to me.
She is done and does not want daily texts. Please respect her and allow this.
You won’t forget her but you do have to stop obsessing over her and move forward in your own life.September 10, 2020 at 10:03 am #366503
Dear rose of yellow
Thank you for your reply,
“She is telling you with honesty that she is not interested in you“ = she just confessed to me that time that she has feelings for me, i even asked her twice.
She has feelings for me now but not more than that… isnt this mutual for us? She cant be in a relationship now because her parents forbid, and also she’s not sure of her future as she could be move to that city (of her uni) if she finds a good job there but she isnt sure too…
She also told this when confessing her feelings for me, that she dreamt of me, when she listen to sad music it reminds her of me, she also keep pictures of me that she took by screenshot on my instagram story… if she didnt confess like this i’d have it easier… but she said this… and it’s like giving me hope…. as i never had a girl who has feelings for me before and i always thought that she is worth it that’s why i want to wait for her…
When i ask when u are ready later on, and i suddenly come to you again… will you accept me or reject… she cant answer it and she said i shouldnt try to guess her feelings in the future… like if she wanted me to forget about her she could’ve said she’ll reject right?
And also when i asked her “if u have feelings for me, dont you feel sad for saying this?”…. she wont answer
This is what gives me hope and i dont know if its a false hope or not, and she said we are only friends now. She said we can still contact each other but not daily texts.
Honestly i wanna wait for her in the future, but i keep getting afraid of her meeting and getting to know new people in uni…. as i cant stop that from happening.
September 12, 2020 at 9:26 am #366598AnaParticipant
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by Felix.
I think Rose of Yellow stated it pretty well. It doesn’t matter what this girl said, whether she said she misses you, she has pictures of you, etc. The message is pretty loud and clear: She is not interested in you and she doesn’t want you to wait around for her or to pursue her any longer. If she does have any feelings for you, I highly doubt they are the same kind of feelings you have for her. Also it’s possible she said those things to try to let you down easy. Regardless, if you really care about this girl then leave her alone like she asked you to. You’re right in that you can’t control if she meets and gets to know other people. You can’t control the future, but I can tell you that if you don’t leave her alone and you keep pushing for more she will more than likely stop talking to you completely. I don’t mean to sound harsh. I hope that you’re able to move on and find someone that has the same feelings for you as you do for them.September 12, 2020 at 2:25 pm #366623AnonymousInactive
Felix, I am sorry to say this with bluntness.
No, all that you have written is not truth and is not right. She said she does not want a relationship with you. No matter what. It is time to stop and leave her alone and stop trying to make up reasons to keep after her.
Would you say you think about this constantly and try to make reasons to keep pursuing her? Would you say you are obsessed with her?September 14, 2020 at 6:25 am #366641StephenParticipant
Hi Felix, hope you are well. I cant offer much in the spiritual sense as i am new to all this but i know a bit about life being a few years older than you and having my fair share of girls.
Time to move on buddy. It really is. She isn’t waiting for you, she is waiting for you to stop. A friends situation isn’t going to work and it’s because of you that it isn’t gonna work, and that’s ok, you can accept this and you know you can accept this or you wouldn’t be here,on this forum for someone to tell you this, you know that no one on here was going to spur you on. I’m not sure where you live but in England, where i live, 21 -17 is an eyebrow raiser. 16-12 is a VERY dodgy eyebrow raise, I don’t mean this from a legal or critical point of view either but its’s time to move on brother, you will look back on this in the future and realize you were upset about nothing, i promise. Until that time this seems like a very welcoming forum full of supportive people who will help you through any pain you are feeling. Chin up mate, let that fish swim away.
September 14, 2020 at 8:13 am #366693
- This reply was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by tinybuddha.
Thank you very much for you reply,
From what you said that she’s waiting for me to stop liking her now
= yes that’s true she doesnt want me to wait for her because she wants to focus on her studies and her future job… she said to me that i would be a waste of time for me to wait for her, and it’ll be a burden to her
She then said that she feels so hurt saying this, and she actually wants to be with me but she’s unsure of her future. And she cant do a long distance relationship, that’s why she ask me to be her friend only and dont frequently contact her again. So that both of us wont get hurt if we keep contacting each other but ended into a broke up in the future.
Yes i know 21 and 17 is not the right age for us, that’s why i’ve told her that i would wait… till she’s 20 and im ready for her, but we need to keep contacting each other… but she said dont wait.
Then when i asked, what if in the future i come for you again, she said she cant answer it as she cant predict the future
And i asked her if your feelings for me right now are real, do u have it easy letting me go like this? She said she wont answer it.
Then i asked, should i chase another girl now? She said she wont answer it.
Then she wishes me to take care of myself, and we should stay friends but not as close as usual. Like only a normal friend.
So after this explanation, do u still have the same opinion? (From your above opinion)
And why are you sure with this words that u said “you will look back on this in the future and realize you were upset about nothing, i promise”
My plan right now is to find another girl for me(while still hoping for her also, only hoping but not texting her often) if it goes well and i find a good one in the next 5 years.. i’m sure i’ll forget about her. But if i cant find one, i’ll try contacting her again (if she’s still single).September 14, 2020 at 8:25 am #366696
Thank you very much for your reply,
If she does have any feelings for you, I highly doubt they are the same kind of feelings you have for her.
= What do u mean that if she does have feelings, it’s not the same kind of feelings i have for her? Like u mean, she doesnt genuinely like me? Even when she said all those emotional words that she’s also hurt letting me go… im really sure she’s really hurt. I know her. I’m not misjudging (maybe you may thought that i’m obsessing with her and i ended misjudging, but she really does feel hurt for this)
This is my plan for my future regarding this condition:
My plan right now is to find another girl for me(while still hoping for her also, only hoping but not texting her often) if it goes well and i find a good one in the next 5 years.. i’m sure i’ll forget about her. But if i cant find one, i’ll try contacting her again (if she’s still single).
What do u think of my plan?September 14, 2020 at 4:15 pm #366729StephenParticipant
My truthful answer remains the same, by what you have shared with us it sounds like she is trying to “let you down softly”. Again, i can’t offer much in regards too a spiritual solution but what i can promise you from experience is that if you meet someone else you will certainly forget about her. Though i would personally feel exploited if my partner was with me whilst hoping for someone else and it would be dishonest to her and maybes more importantly, yourself. You can not find the shipwrecked treasure by dipping your toe into the sea, you need to dive in. What i mean is that you must go into a relationship with an open mind.