fbpx
Menu

problems at work…

HomeForumsTough Timesproblems at work…

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #238461
    Christina
    Participant

    Hello, everyone. I’m writing here because I am lost in solving a work/personal issues.

     

    Not that hat long ago, about 6 months or so, my boss put me on a corrective action plan because, in his words, I do not seem engaged enough at work. It was quite confusing. I took it ‘socially’ being that I’m introverted, independent and all around just a quiet person. I didn’t realize that this was leading to me being perceived so negatively by my coworkers and customers. I work in IT if that helps.

     

    The issue I think it has caused is that many of the things he says cause me to be perceived so negatively are not things I know that I am doing. Or rather that I am doing wrong. Because of this, Ive started to apologize profusely for simply existing as I do. At least, that’s how it feels.

    The most common, even therapist approved solution, is to simply fake it. I am awful at this, absolutely awful at laughing at jokes I don’t find funny, asking about family and pets, etc. I know that socializing is supposed to bring you the ultimate happiness, I’ve just never known that to be the case.

    Another issue is that now I absolutely cannot stand my boss. His every little idiosyncracy is just intolerable to me. For instance, he has an extremely dry voice and he is quite overweight and gaining all the time.

    I know these growing prejudices make me an awful person so I apologize even more when he speaks to me. Or when anyone speaks to me really. His comments of ‘not engaged and that people tend to perceive me negatively’ have internalized deeply.

    What can I do in this situation? I am looking for other employment but we all know that’s hard and affects more than just where you show up every morning at 8am.

     

    Anybthought or opinions are welcome. I think I just need to talk it out finally.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #238479
    Peter
    Participant

    It reads to me as your not 100% sure what your boss means by being more engaged at work or what that might look like.

    I work with IT and introverts are more the norm then exception so its confusing to me that a manager would not recognize this reality… and its benefits.  (ref  ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’  by Susan Cain)

    Is there anything specific about your work that your boss wants you to improve or is it all inter-personal issues? As an observer looking in you need more specific instruction and goals to work towards.

    At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over working in teams. It is to introverts—Rosa Parks, Chopin, Dr. Seuss, Steve Wozniak—that we owe many of the great contributions to society.

    In Quiet, Susan Cain argues that we dramatically undervalue introverts and shows how much we lose in doing so. She charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal throughout the twentieth century and explores how deeply it has come to permeate our culture. She also introduces us to successful introverts—from a witty, high-octane public speaker who recharges in solitude after his talks, to a record-breaking salesman who quietly taps into the power of questions. Passionately argued, superbly researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how they see themselves.

    #238487
    Christina
    Participant

    Hello, Peter!

    This may be the confusing part about this whole thing. When pressed for more, my boss offered things like stopping by people’s offices when I’m out doing something and asking if they need anything. Also speaking up more in meetings. The most vague was that when working with customer I just don’t appear engaged. He would generally just repeat that when I asked what he meant.

    He also maintains that to him the term engaged has no social and/or personality related connotations. However, his suggestions and honestly just my own common sense suggest otherwise.

    Thank you for the introvert support! We often get told simply to fake it  I have even had therapists tell me to do this. 🙁

    T

    #238501
    Peter
    Participant

    Ah yes, fake it till you make it. That can work in certain situations, however my feeling is that its best to be genuine. That said learning to be better at communication and engaged with others takes practice so going in with the perspective of let’s see what works could be a less stressful approach then needing to be perfect every time. (A curse of being an introvert is a tendency to need to be perfect and not to “embarrass” ourselves.) Your written communication is very strong as is your engagement in your post, so you have a lot to work with.

    I always hated the ‘speak up more in meetings’ comment on my reviews. I have learned to speak up in a meeting when I have something to say but for the most part I play the role of active listener. Making eye contact every now and then with who ever is speaking, leaning towards them (not in a creepy way) and nodding and smiling when appropriate. In this way I remain engaged even when quite. Funny side affect, it has been pointed out to me that often in a meeting people will be “talking” to me.  To be candid I’m hard of hearing so I have to be a active listener but my managers don’t need to know that. ?

    You have additional challenge if your dealing with customers. Again, being an active listener can help with engagement. This is not about faking it but being genuine… assuming you care about your customers, which I bet you do. Such interactions are a great place to practice compassion while maintaining one’s personal boundaries. As an introvert you likely have developed a natural empathy and its ok to let that show.

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.