Me and my boyfriend have been together just over 9 years (we’re in our late 20s), we have had a good relationship. We’ve had our ups and downs but our relationship is pretty perfect – we are best friends, we get on well, we enjoy the same things yet happy to spend time apart doing our own thing, we talk about everything.

We have never lived together and live with our respective parents as we have never been in a financial position to move out. We went to look at a house a few weeks ago and it changed everything (in my mind anyway). We have always spoken about living together and been excited about it..he still is, but I feel like I’m getting cold feet. A week ago or so, I got a sudden thought “do I love him anymore and do I really want to be with him”. I’ve no idea why this came into my mind but ever since I’ve been fixated on the idea that perhaps I don’t love him. People have made various comments throughout our relationship that he isn’t good enough for me/not in my league/he’s boring – I know I shouldn’t care about opinions of others but these comments have stuck with me. I question if I really do love him/is he just a friend/am i just in my comfort zone/is he my safety blanket – i don’t know how I should feel after 9 years together.

To add to the mix, i have suffered from  anxiety for about 8 years – it started around the time I lost my sister. She was 25 and I was 20. Over this time, my boyfriend has been my rock, the one I could turn to the whole time. Her death left me as an only child. So I’m also scared about moving out because I don’t want to leave the family home which is full of memories of my sister and leave my mum and dad who would then be ‘alone’. I feel scared about taking the next step – in my mind I feel like moving out is one step closer to losing my parents as it is accepting that they are getting older. I’m in denial about this happening. I’ve spoken to my parents, they assure me that they will be ok.

I am so anxious that my thoughts are confused and I can’t work out why I feel this way about my boyfriend/moving out. Have I fallen out of love or is the reason more deep rooted and to do with my sister/family.

I’ve spoken to my boyfriend about how I’m feeling and he is supporting me/helping me to feel better.

I’m nervous about finding out the real cause of my feelings and worry that me and my boyfriend will split up..hes not the most good looking guy in the world and I sometimes question whether I’m attracted to him, he’s also a little quiet and bottles things up but I don’t think I could find someone with the same qualities he has. But at the same time, if I don’t love him, I don’t want to carry on living a lie.

I am in the process of sorting out counselling but I’m so anxious at the moment that I could do with some words of advice/reassurance.

• This topic was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by tinybuddha.
• This topic was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Lisa.