Hi Sarah,

I can relate to what you wrote about yourself. I’ve questioned my worth/value many times, and recently, after breakup. After digging and alot of searching, I found some answers. I would like to share that with you to help you understand more. There might be some harsh words but only to help you see this clearly. I apologise for that in advance.

Firstly, its not your fault and you are not alone.When someone gets cheated by their partner or life just brings trunk load of s##t from them. The usual response is why me? Why this is happening to me? Why universe is doing this? It wasn’t meant to be this way. I asked many times this and guess what?! I never got any answered back.

Unfortunately, we all are destined to bear some pain. We cannot run away from it. To put it in more positive way, we can make plans but since when our lives went according to our plans. We can only do our best and we should find peace in that. The outcome will never was and will never be in our hands. It is the ‘control’ that adds enormous pain to the painful event. A famous Buddhist monk once said ” Try letting go a little and you will feel some peace”. It is your opportunity to learn and practice letting go.

Secondly, when people cheat in a relationship for whatever reasons, they do not understand how much pain and suffering they bring to their partners. After going through excruciating emotional pain, the obvious response from people who were cheated by their partners, is to avoid pain by being closed.

You will never find peace by being closed and not being vulnerable. It would be extremely hard to create meaningful connected relationships with others if one is closed and not genuine. I never met anyone in my whole life.

If you look inside its your feelings of anger, betrayal, hatred, fear etc. are causing to be closed. When you feel closed, be closed and feel it fully. You will see it subsiding slowly and then you will open. You must do this repetitively and with time it will pass away. You can be in pain and still feel peace. However, that requires practice and alot of understanding of the nature of life.

Thirdly, you need to see that its your attachment that is bringing you more pain. Its not love. Love and attachment are two very different things but very hard to differentiate. Attachment like other negative emotions do two things to your mind. It makes our mind disturbed and it makes us delusional( from Buddhist psychology). This guy ( who lives in Korea) is just another average guy. But because of your attachment, you see him as reincarnation of a god or something ( just analogy). Matter of fact, he definitely is not worthy of you, because he is emotionally unavailable, lying and disloyal bastard (excuse me for the bitter words). And you are questioning your worth for this guy !!!! Come one !!!! This is the time to practice self love and compassion. You are hurt by his disrespectful behavior. Don’t beat yourself more please. Try look beyond your feelings and see rational reasons of how much incompatibility you have with him, in terms of values or other things. I mean do you want to be with someone who gives up like that, who cheats ?

Fourthly, Is it really good or bad??? Is it really bad that he broke up with you so quickly? Imagine if you found all this about him after years of relationship or marriage or kids. Imagine the pain you would have to go through then.

Another important thing to look at self validation. If you are going to continue to look for your self worth externally, again, I am learning that as well, you will continue to be disappointed. YOUR WORTH/VALUE IS PURELY DEFINED BY YOU. And reading from what you wrote, I can clearly see that you need to do alot of work on it again, again I am doing this to. If you consider yourself highly valuable person you will attract people who thinks similar. Otherwise, you will continue to meet the same people who feeds on girls who don’t think highly of them ( again you aren’t alone here).

Lastly, to answer your question why universe continue to do this to you. I have partly answered this above. But here’s some more. Universe\life continue to bring same things if we do not learn from our experiences. These experiences are like our teacher and they are trying to teach us something very important. If we miss out due to self blame, self pity and many other painful feelings, it will continue to happen. As Martin Luther King said ” Yes we are angry, but what are we going to do now”
Yes, you are hurt but what are you going to do now? Are you going to continue to question why me? or are you going to learn self love, self worth and letting go? Are you going to pity about why this is happening to you? or are you going to start to see beyond feelings, more factual information about the next person.

Hope this gives you some insight. Sorry, for the long reply, I tried my best !!

P.S. I am a 31 year old guy who had a bad breakup, 6 months ago. I send you my compassion.