Home→Forums→Relationships→Reaching Out After "Ghosting"
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Anonymous.
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May 26, 2018 at 11:58 pm #209571
JenineParticipantHi all,
So about 6 months ago I was in a city for a week to network for jobs. While visiting, I was browsing Tinder with no intention of having anything manifest but I ended up matching and chatting with an awesome guy. Due to our schedules, we weren’t able to meet in person but we exchanged numbers and continued to talk.
I’m in law school and when I returned home, exams began. I ended up stopping communication because in all honesty, I liked this guy too much and it was getting in the way of studying.
I actually moved to his city about a month ago. There was never any intention to reach out because I felt terrible about just dropping communication with him. However, after an already failed attempt at getting into the dating scene here, I can’t stop thinking about him.
I’m wondering if there’s any point in sending a quick text apologising and letting him know I live here now? The last time we talked was the end of November and it is currently the end of May. I’m not even positive that he remembers who I am.
What do you think?
May 27, 2018 at 3:09 am #209591
AnonymousGuestDear Jenine:
I would like to understand better: before you stopped communicating with him, why didn’t you let him know that you need to focus on studying for your exams and this is why you planned on no longer communicating with him… why did you ghost him?
anita
May 27, 2018 at 4:44 am #209599
AireneParticipantHello Jenine,
Like Anita, I’m wondering why you didn’t say something to your new friend about needing to focus on studying?
You say “after a failed attempt to get into the dating scene, I can’t stop thinking about him.” Is it him you’re thinking about, or just feeling lonely and needing a friend?
If you do reach out to him, I wouldn’t start off with an apology unless you sensed the friendship was moving toward something beyond a texting friendship – the reason being that what the two of you had might have been a blip on his screen and in fact he might not remember who you are. I would start with hello, and light conversation. And ask how he is doing. Go from there. You will know if an apology is in order based on his responses.
Airene
May 27, 2018 at 12:12 pm #209643JenineParticipantThere was a point in the friendship in which I wasn’t talking a lot and I apologised and told him that I was finding it hard to communicate and study at the same time. So I definitely mentioned it, but didn’t say anything before I dropped away. And for further context, the last message sent was from me. I believe he understood that I was busy and was letting me initiate because he didn’t want to bother me, but I never did.
May 27, 2018 at 12:15 pm #209645JenineParticipantI replied to Anita above to clarify a few things!
I’m totally aware that I might just be lonely and so I decided that if I DO reach out, it wouldn’t be for another week or two once I’ve let myself “heal” a little. But to be fair, I never really did stop thinking about him, even before I tried dating again.
May 28, 2018 at 4:15 am #209697AnonymousGuestDear Jenine:
So you didn’t ghost him: you communicated to him that you find it difficult to interact with him and study at the same time. And he did not respond to your last message.
Based on this information, my answer to your question: “if there’s any point in sending him a quick text apologizing and letting him know I live here now?”
Regarding the apology, I don’t see a reason for it because you were the last to send a message to which he did not reply. Regarding letting him know you now live where he does (and no longer studying for your exams)- I don’t see any harm in it.
anita
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