Dear bones:

Am I understanding correctly: are you facing a double bypass heart  surgery next week???

Your girlfriend has genital herpes and infected you with the same. She promised you after telling you that she has herpes that if you got infected she will not leave you.

The two of you looked for diamonds with the possibility in your mind that you will buy her a diamond engagement ring. You then went back to the store alone and bought her a $30,000 diamond ring. You had the ring in your pocket as you went out to dinner with her. You then asked her to marry you, and her response was to laugh in your face (she laughed in my face”.

I don’t understand: when you looked at the diamonds in the store, what did she think you were doing; was she aware that you were looking at a possible engagement ring?

anita

Dear bones:

I am sorry that you are hurting and hope you feel better very soon, especially since you re facing surgery. Peace of mind will help you in this trying time.

I will re-arrange what you shared so to  understand your story better, and I will comment along the way:

When you were 69 you started dating a 64 year old woman. She told you at the time that she had herpes.

“after a while, I asked her what would happen to us if I contracted what you have, her answer was I would never leave you, no matter how much we argue”-

– this tells me that the two of you were arguing early on and since and that you felt emotionally so dependent on her, fearing that she will leave you, that you were more concerned with her leaving you than you were concerned about contracting the virus.

You then did contract her herpes. Her daughter lives in California, and the two of you planned to move to California, and looked at houses, saw many, put up a few deposits, but found something wrong with each house, so a purchase of a house there didn’t materialize.

At one point you went to a jewelry store to buy a diamond for her as part of an engagement ring, and you bought her a very expensive diamond. At dinner later, with the diamond ring in your pocket, you asked her to marry you. She then gave you “that look.. and she laughed in my face”. Your response: “naturally I didn’t give her the diamond. I waited”-

– I understand you not giving her the diamond. But you waited for.. what?  I ask myself. Possibly you were so used to arguing, and to her being rude to you, repeatedly rude to you, that you simply waited for her to calm down and ask her to marry you at a better time.

You waited, and then on the recent Valentine Day, you went out for dinner and you showed her a picture of a house you put a deposit on, “perfect for all of us” (I suppose the plan was that her daughter moves with you?) and again you had the diamond ring with you. Her response: “she tore into about the past, houses we didn’t buy, wasn’t in love with me, wanted me out of her life”, then you drove home where you lived with her, got all your clothes and left to a motel. The day after, you called, texted and emailed her but she didn’t return your calls, your texts messages or emails.

At the end of your share, you wrote: “now I got H, she is not coming with me. What happened to the promise: I will never leave you…”?

My understanding at this point: This relationship has been unhealthy for a very long time, maybe from the very beginning. There were lots of arguments, lots of rude behavior on her part and you accepted those. You accepted a rude girlfriend in your life, and whenever she got mad, you waited for her anger to go away. Your main concern was to not be alone, to not be left by her.

Reads to me like she didn’t love you or respect you and wanted to use you financially, her payback being a house in California, for her and for her daughter. But she disliked you and disrespected you so much along the way, that she exploded once in a while angrily, showing her disdain for you. At this time, maybe she figured it’s not worth it for her, and she gave up on the payoff.. OR she may calm down and tell you that she is back in and she wants that house in California.

If I am correct, and she comes back to you, seems to me that you will accept her with open arms, give her the ring, and finalize the purchase of that house because you care for not being alone more than anything else. Seems to me that you will choose a rude, disrespectful, unloving woman (and her daughter) over not having a woman in your life.

Am I correct?

anita

Dear bones:

“you’re probably 50 50 right”, you wrote to me. Can you go over my Feb 25 post to you and list the specific things I was right about, in your next post?

I need to know so to understand your situation.

anita

Dear bones:

Soon after the beginning of the relationship, seven years ago, when you just started dating, she told you that she had herpes and promised you: “I would never leave you, no matter how much we argue”. I suggested to you that the two of you argued early in the relationship because she mentioned arguing. But in your recent post, you wrote that you didn’t argued before recently.

A way more important and urgent topic: Monday this week, you wrote: “I am going in for a double bypass next week“-

Is the surgery scheduled to take place in California where you are now living in a motel, or will it take place elsewhere.. where will you be recovering from this major surgery?

I don’t understand how it is that a few days before a double heart surgery, you are concerned with this woman and her daughter instead of preparing for your surgery and recovery to follow.

anita

Dear bones:

I re-read your posts very carefully and for a long time this morning. It is not easy to understand the series of events that led to you being in your current situation:

1.  You have a scheduled double bypass heart surgery scheduled next week somewhere in California.

2. You have been staying in a motel alone for the last ten days, eating and resting very little (“I haven’t slept or eaten that much in the last 10 days”).

3.  You plan to have the surgery in a few days, and following your hospital stay, you plan to return to your motel room and do your best to recuperate alone in your motel room.

4. You have no family in California, and no one to take care of you before or after the surgery.

5. At this time, prior to surgery, your focus is not on the approaching surgery and rehabilitation after (having not made any plans regarding rehabilitation). Your focus is on the breakup with your ex girlfriend earlier this month, a breakup that include her kicking you out of her home in California following a Valentine Day dinner gone bad.

6.  You have financial resources (“I BUY and sell houses all the time, I had to invest some capital gains”, “I bought it $30,000 (diamond”), but you are neglecting your health prior to surgery and you are  not planning on checking yourself into a rehabilitation health clinic following your hospital stay.

My input today: contact your hospital immediately and explain your situation: explain that that you are living in a motel alone, that you have no family in the state and no one else to take care of you, that you have been hardly eating or resting for ten days, and that you need to check yourself today into a health care facility where you will stay until the surgery, and where you will be taken after the surgery for rehabilitation.

I wish you well  on your surgery and recovery.

anita