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Regrets always consumed me

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  • March 25, 2022 at 8:36 am #396102
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi everyone, here i am creating another thread on sharing my struggles.

    I’ve mentioned regarding this struggle in my previous post but it wasn’t discussed specifically there. This is regarding my regret on the my degree that i took in uni. I really regret my decision in taking this degree, before i took this bachelor degree… i was pretty sure of myself that i wont took this degree as i’ll regret it. Then 15 months passed, and i’m surrounded by my lazy diploma friends and i feel like i cant took the other two options (because i’m afraid i’d fail), and so i took this “easier” degree.

    2 years passed since i finished my bachelor, i noticed most of people younger than me who go to the same uni wouldn’t want to take my bachelor degree… as the one who took it is regarded as “lazy”….

    I really regret it… i knew i can do better in the past and took a better bachelor degree than this. I feel ashamed of myself… every time someone discussed about bachelor degree i’d try to evade it. Tbh i knew that this regret is actually pointless as i cant change it… but it’s really hard to stop thinking about it… like my mind loves to remind of my past mistakes….

     

    Is there any way to stop this? How do u guys overcome regret?

    Is this me being so obsessed with regret? or is it just me being insecure?

    Is there any keywords to unlock my mind in slowly stop obsessing on regrets, cause every time i have thoughts on regret, i wouldn’t notice that i’ve wasted 2 hours only for thinking this regret everyday.

    Or should i just let time to do it’s job, as i’ve overcome some of my past mistakes due to time… like how i try to accept my appearance …. but it took me 5 years + .It’s not actually completely healed, but i’m feeling much better and almost never thought about it these days.

    March 25, 2022 at 9:01 am #396105
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Eric!

    I think degrees are very personal choices. It takes time to establish some careers.

    One of my friends got a degree in film and media. Lots of people judged that choice because it’s really difficult to establish a career in. But this was something he was really passionate about. He worked entry level jobs that weren’t in the field and did film projects unpaid for many years. But now, his hard work has paid off! He works in film and tv now.

    So my questions to you are, what made you select that degree? Did you have any specific dreams or goals? Do you still have the same dreams? It’s okay if you don’t, people change.

    Is there a specific reason that you feel regret? For example, sometimes people feel like they’re interested in something different now. Or become disenchanted because they believe their hard work won’t pay off and their goals. Or perhaps they feel like it was debt for no reason.

    As my husband says, at least you have a bachelors! This is the new high school degree. Perhaps what matters is what comes next? Are there any career goals you would like to work towards? What do you think?

    March 25, 2022 at 9:27 am #396107
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi helcat,

    Thanks for the reply.

    Since i applied for uni, my only intention is to come back and help my dad’s company when i graduated. So i took business degrees in uni. And i’ve several bachelor degree choices, and in the end i took business management… in which most students who have bad grades ended up taking that. I should’ve chose the other bachelor degree that “smart” students took, such as economics and accounting. I just want to took that “smart” degree for the sake of my good image. And right now i’m worried that every time i tell someone my degree, they’ll thought that i’m lazy and have bad grades… in which i’m not.

    Tbh this degree doesn’t affect my career choices as i end up working in my dad’s company.

    I knew this sounds silly, but i do feel regret taking this bachelor degree because of how people will perceive me, not because of the career path.

    Does this sound like i’m still immature in life? That i overthink of other people’s opinion on me?

    March 25, 2022 at 10:47 am #396109
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Eric,

    It does sound like you haven’t been out in the world too long.  No one cares about your major. I’ve lived a long time and honestly, I think the last time anyone asked me what my major was, was in college.

    There are plenty of idiots who have econ degrees, or “smart” degrees as you say. Means nothing.

    You sound like a smart person. Stop worrying about the bs that we do in college-we all make bad choices in college–and just trust that people will think you’re smart from the things that actually matter in life – like what comes out of your mouth and how you treat people. Focus on that. And don’t look back.

    Be well. Pink 🙂

     

    March 25, 2022 at 11:12 am #396110
    Peter
    Participant

    Eric

    “The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd – The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.” ― Fernando Pessoa

    Regret is one such absurd emotion and so as the Buddha noted – Life is suffering even if illusion we make it real.

    Is there any way to stop this? How do u guys overcome regret?

    All the things: mindfulness, detachment, gratefulness, forgiveness, grief/mourning, physical exercise, eat healthy, sleep, drink water… stopping.

    And Or as the Buddha Yoda said – “There is no try only do“.  If regret is getting in your way stop letting it.

    Recognized that you can’t change the past and then stop trying to change it.
    Recognized that a part of you likes to feel bad about the choices made and not made and  ask yourself what is your payoff for doing so.
    Then stop it if you want better… or own it it if you don’t.  Be honest. When you catch your self regressing into regret, take a breath, say hi to the thoughts, have a laugh at the absurdity of the ego desire to feel bad, and let it go.

    No experience or anything learned is a waisted, it was as it was to get you to this moment and you are exactly were you need to be to move forward.

    March 25, 2022 at 2:17 pm #396122
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Eric!

    To me it sounds like you made sensible choices that fit your circumstances. It is very kind of you to want to help with the family business.

    If you would like to learn more about accounting, you could get certification in the financial software the family business uses.

    It sounds you’re overthinking a little and compare yourself to others, which is something many people do. Congratulations, you are human!

    Joking aside, it sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and are making logical choices. If you feel like people are being judgmental, you can be honest and explain that you are going to help with the family business. People will view this positively.

    It might be worth writing down any information that you find helpful or reduces anxiety about this topic, so you can revisit if you question your choices in the future.

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