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  • July 5, 2013 at 2:06 pm #38026
    LiveSimple
    Participant

    Hello! I would really appreciate it if you guys could perhaps give me your own thoughts/ opinions on my situation here. Thank you!

    I feel badly because I am mad at my boyfriend for not contacting me in 3 days. (He doesn’t know i’m mad at him.) He’s on vacation with his family. Now, I’m not expecting an update every few hours of what he’s doing or who he’s with. All I care about is that he is enjoying himself on vacation. I was expecting him to at least send me one text message yesterday saying something along the lines like, “Happy fourth of July. I hope you’re enjoying your day.” It would make me happy just to recieve one text from him, but I didn’t.

    Here’s some other background information: We are in a long distance relationship and have been dating for 6 months. As far as communication goes we text everday(not constantly) and talk on the phone about 2-3x per week.

    The way I look at this situation is, if he cared and loved me (like he says he does) then I would have at least gotten a text from him by now. I’m not even expecting a phone call. So, my question is, do you think I’m being clingy or overreacting because I haven’t heard from him?

    July 5, 2013 at 3:03 pm #38028
    Matt
    Participant

    Livesimple,

    If your only thoughts were for him and his happiness, there would not be the stress arising. Perhaps the truth is you are feeling insecure, and want assurance of his caring for you? It might be helpful to realize “I miss him” and leave it at the longing. You seem to be turning that yearning into a fantasy about him.

    When we love someone, we can feel insecure about whether the love is returned. So, we seek their assurance consistently. Instead, we can be the love we wish to see returned. Said differently “I love you and miss you, I hope you’re having a ton of fun.”

    He’s on vacation, which can be disorienting and pull us out of routines. It doesn’t indicate anything else, that is all internal.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    July 5, 2013 at 3:27 pm #38029
    Aruni
    Participant

    Hey

    There’s a lot of wisdom in what Matt has said. If I was in your situation, and if you haven’t sent him a message yet, I would send the type of message that Matt suggests and then plan some things for yourself to enjoy for the next few days. Go and have some fun. You’ll forget your worries.
    And then when you’re least expecting, ‘beep’ all of a sudden you’ll have a message from him.

    July 6, 2013 at 10:23 am #38068
    Jade
    Participant

    LiveSimple, I’m a lot like you! My partner and I have very different communication styles and sometimes I find I want more from him that he will give me. I get miffed when I text him goodnight and he doesn’t text me goodnight back. If I text him a question, sometimes he won’t reply for hours and I start internally raging at him. But I recognize that I get this way because of how we approach technology; I am glued to my smartphone 24/7 and my partner sometimes leaves his in the car overnight without realizing it! The only way I found to somewhat solve the problem was to outright tell him: “hey, I really appreciate it when you get back to me in a timely manner, can you do more of that?” It’s positive reinforcement! But I also accept that some people are okay with a far less frequency of communication.

    On the flip side of the coin, when I go home to visit my family I am waaaaay less concerned with being in touch with him. During a regular week we will text every night and see each other all weekend, but if I visit my parents I basically am unreachable because YAY FAMILY. Especially during travel it’s hard to keep up routines.

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