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Relationship Anxiety

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Viewing 6 posts - 16 through 21 (of 21 total)
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  • #203687
    Jen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    My relationship in 2016 was great with him, we established such an amazing bond and friendship and we were making it to something more. Then one day he messaged me and said I can’t see you anymore, I’m getting back with my ex. That was heartbreaking and I hated him for a while. When he came back into my life, we talked it out and I thought ok maybe I could over look it so we tried again but this situation was ringing in the back of my mind that the same thing would happen again. I was coming across controlling, blaming him in fights even though I didn’t realise the underlying issue of fear at the time.

    #203703
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jen:

    Some things that people do cannot be undone. In 2016, you grew very attached to this man, emotionally, had trust in him to continue to love you. And then he broke up with you, choosing to be close with an ex girlfriend. That hurt a whole lot. When you got back with him, that hurt was not gone.

    When we are hurt, often we get angry, because we don’t want to get hurt yet again. So we fight the danger we perceive, the danger we fear, that is, being broken up with again, in your case.

    He broke up with you in 2016, and that cannot be undone. It would have take much more communication before getting back together so that maybe the hurt and anger could be processed, reduced and a loving relationship made possible.

    I think it is a good thing that this man is in your past. What do you think?

    anita

    #203727
    Jen
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I agree, i think it would have gotten worse if I didn’t get out and I wouldn’t have realised my behaviour was so toxic. Going forward I don’t want it to effect any future relationships. I.e thinking the person will leave.

     

    #203733
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jen:

    The advantage that a future relationship will have for you is that the man in that future relationship will not be one who has already broken up with you. Get to know the next man in your life over time before you get physically intimate, so that you don’t form a very strong emotional attachment to him before you get to know him. It is wise to be cautious this way.

    When you figure you made a good choice in a man, that he is trustworthy, then deal with possible anxiety on your part in the context of the relationship.

    anita

    #204061
    Jen
    Participant

    Thanks for all the advice, I appreciate it. Hopefully for the next guy, I need to learn to more effectively and. It get my friends involved. They slightly influenced my judgement but that’s a mistake on my part.

    #204067
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jen:

    You are welcome. Yes, do evaluate best you can any advice you get, here and from friends, evaluate anything you read before accepting it as the truth. Take advice and put it to a test, experiment with it, see if it works for you in your life situations.

    Post again anytime you would like.

    anita

Viewing 6 posts - 16 through 21 (of 21 total)

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