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Reload this Page Faded by a woman I really liked. Was it the distance or bad tim

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  • #364268
    PE
    Participant

    There’s this amazing woman whom I have gone out with a few times — simply the best I’ve met. We got along well, have many similarities, share philosophies and perspectives. Everything had been going extremely well, until one day, she abruptly started responding less, to the point that it seemed she was trying to cut communication and fade. She eventually said she just wanted to be friends.

    I asked her why but she wouldn’t elaborate. However, I think we’ve met under unfortunate timing:

    – We live in different continents and the few times we’ve met are during annual work trip.

    – During that same time, she was let go from her job and has had a difficult time looking for another one.

    Do you think these could be the trigger for her? I truly like her and a part of me really hope that one day I’ll have a chance to get to know her again, if we somehow end up in the same place and if circumstances are better.

    #364295
    anita
    Participant

    During PE:

    I will try to get as much information as I can from your short post and point to possibilities:

    1. The relationship was long-distance and you met her in person only a  few times, but the two of you had an extensive back and forth communication for a while, as I understand it. You may have perceived the relationship as more than it was, while she didn’t think the relationship was serious enough to warrant explaining why she wanted to be just friends.

    2. You wrote that the two of you “share philosophies and perspectives”- if the relationship was serious enough in her mind, and if you believe that when breaking up a serious relationship, a person should give the other a reason for the breakup, then the two of you do not share this one philosophy/ perspective.

    3. “Everything had been going extremely well, until  one day, she abruptly started responding less”- what felt like “going extremely well” for you, may not have been going extremely well in her mind.

    And what seems abrupt to you was probably not abrupt to her: just as she didn’t share with you a reason for the breakup, she probably didn’t share  with you that she may have been thinking about a breakup earlier, gradually coming to the conclusion that she wants to be just friends.

    4. “During that same time, she was let go from her job and has had a difficult time looking for another one”- maybe she was anxious about her finances and maybe she figured another man (one she knew or one she hoped to meet) was a better option than you, for the purpose of increasing her financial security.

    5. “part of me really hopes that one day I’ll have a chance to get to know her again”- I would add, get to know her more. She may not be the “amazing woman” you would like to think that she is, and .. she may be indeed amazing. I don’t know, but do you know, or do you need more time and more openness on her part to find out more about her?

    anita

    #364304
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    You know, PE, sometimes this is simply how life is. It could be the distance or it could be this person you think is real is not real. We often never know why someone we really like doesn’t seem to really like us. Life is often strange. Her own personal life may be chaotic and stressful and/or what she is looking for in a partner is not you. There are so many ways to create scenarios but reality is reality. The way that she did not answer you when you asked her why she just wanted to be friends either shows a real disconnect between what you thought was going on and what she thought was going on or shows a certain issue in personalities. Can you accept that what you want is different from what she wants? If you can allow this experience to be a guide and a learning time, you will gain much from it. Sometimes people move in and out of our lives. You obviously like her a lot and you can put a happy thought out there for if in the future you meet up with her again.

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