Restoring faith in love everywhere

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    I’ve long lived by the thought that everything anyone is doing is either out of love, or out of a cry for love. This has helped me cope with cruelty, bullying and general mean comments, both from loved ones and strangers.

    I’m in a happy relationship now, but my emotional baggage is lurking somewhere, ready to attack anything my partner is saying and turning it into an insult towards me. Can I really excuse everything he says with patience? I’m scared that I’m fooling myself, that maybe he’s not the right for me and that we are not on the same page.

    I always make sure to check my way of saying things, making sure that it contains no insults or anything that can be interpreted the other way, but he doesn’t make that effort. Jealousy is my major weakness. He might point out the attractiveness of another girl (completely innocently), and I will somehow feel threathened by this.

    I don’t feel like “talking about it”, like most people suggest, is the way to go. I feel that I have to do some work to restore my belief in us and my belief that he’s not really interested in that attractive girl. Probably just another cry for love, Right?


    Dear Ylva:

    You wrote that you don’t believe like “talking about it’- with your partner, I suppose. Thing is you are talking about it in your own head and he is talking about it in his own head. Without talking with each other, you don’t know his motivations and reasons; he doesn’t know yours, and the two of you are likely to assume a whole lot, assumptions never to be checked for truth.

    When he makes comments about other women being attractive, what is his motivation, if any (is he just commenting like one would in a museum about the beauty of art, let’s say), and does he know it bothers you. If he knew it bothered you, will he do his best to stop?


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