Hi Anita,

Thank you so much!

I have previously gone into detail about my sentiments regarding this box, so I will avoid repetition. However, those same sentiments seem to continue coming into my head. I previously agreed it is not about the box, but at the same time it somehow is. It is about the box in that I find myself wishing I had just kept it or just asked for it back, knowing very well that the past won’t change. I even spend time thinking about all the times I have thought about this. It feels as if my brain is hyper focused on specific aspects of this incident that bother me. I worry I may never move past this.

You mentioned the box could be a symbol. I agree with this explanation, and this is how it is not about the box. Rather, the box symbolizes my perceived failures and mistakes from those few years.  Do you feel that is how symbolism in the mind often works? I am not too familiar with this concept.

Over the years, as you can see, I fluctuate between having complete peace about this incident but there are also times it takes up all my attention, hindering my abilities at home and work.

To put it simply, I have found myself stuck on this incident again. It feels as if I don’t deserve to be able to peacefully put this behind me. I am sorry to take up your time with this, and fully realize there are limitations in the extent to which you can help me. Please do let me know if there is anything I can clarify.

Best Regards,

Kareem

Hello Anita,

Thank you for taking the time to read through my thread again, and for providing a detailed response. I do agree with what you have said to an extent.

You are right in that my work in the organization was one thing I truly, genuinely wanted to spend my time doing. My heart felt full while I was doing that work, and attaining the regional position felt like a dream come true. I don’t quite think my parents realized this, and when my work in this organization came at the expense of school, they were not too happy. Internally, I would often feel that doing this work was a mistake, because it was impacting my school performance. The pain from my friend’s response is also true, although another friend (uninvolved in this organization) has told me he definitely did not have any intentions of hurting me. When I would see him any time in the several months following the box, he always greeted me with great enthusiasm and spoke very highly about our time together as board officers. I also agree that I need to begin the process of creating a new, enjoyable life for myself.

I would like to note, though, that my parents were never abusive, or even yelled at me about my involvement in this organization (although they did have disappointment about my grades slipping). Being a child of immigrants from India, I was often taught performing well in school is what allows you to get further in life, and at the end of the day, enjoy your life. This is something I also firmly believe in. Even now, many years after graduating from college, I wonder what may have resulted had I worked harder or had more confidence in myself.

I believe that the idea of “owing your parents,” is a bit of cultural thing as well, as this is common practice in India (but I realize this may not really apply to me here in America). Regarding saying sorry several times, my parents often tell us we don’t need to do that. I am not entirely certain where that behavior stems from. You cited my comment of being a “spoiled brat.” I was definitely an irritable teen for my last two years of high school and I do regret this. I have felt the need before to apologize for this, although I realize teens are often difficult. I am wondering if you feel this falls in line with feeling a sense of undue guilt and debt, as many, if not all, teenagers are like this.

Additionally, while the contents of the box meant a lot to me such that I wanted to give it to a peer, I don’t think I would classify it as having the “highest value…” (but it did mean a lot to me) I think I have previously mentioned, that I do my best not to be attached to objects.   It’s interesting you bring up the point of paying back my parents; I have asked them that before, but they have said there is no need to. Recently, my sister announced she wanted to quit her job for new ventures, but was worried about her financial state. My parents said they would be happy to support her in the meantime. That being said, though, I think that paying my parents some money would actually help me move ahead.

Looking back, my regret is that I let my emotions get the best of me (I wish I had waited maybe a week to really think about it before sending. I wish I had the perspective to look a few years ahead. I don’t know why I was in such a hurry to send this box, whereas with other materials I had, I waited several weeks, if not months to finally get rid of). I try to look back on this as a learning experience (I know I learned something from this), but then I get frustrated that it took this incident to learn that. And, I regret all the time I have spent thinking of this for the past 7 years. I believe it is worth noting that at times, I do regret my participation in this organization. Maybe sometimes, I think it is related to the box, but more often than not it isn’t (there were other ways this organization caused stress to my life, perhaps unduly).

I also agree that I need live my own life (have been planning a move to a new city, for a fresh start for several months now). Do you have any suggestions as to how I can internally put this behind me and forget about the time I lost thinking about this? I almost feel that a conversation with my parents might help, even though they never brought this incident up. Maybe it may help me to hear that they don’t feel I owe them anything in this regard.

Thank you again for taking the time and consideration to help me out on this, I know you already have a lot on your plate. If you are unable to respond to any of the above, I completely understand. I also realize that you are limited in the extent to which you can help over a platform like this.

Best Regards,

Kareem

Good morning Anita,

Thank you so much, I know I am not the only one on this forum that is greatly appreciative of all you do!

Regarding my values: I would say I have several values I hold to be equally high. One would be to always strive for the best and personal improvement each day; I don’t focus on being better than others, but rather better than I was yesterday. I would also say maintaining a sense of humility is important, I have realized you can’t approach life with the sentiment that world owes you anything. Finally, I value being nice, courteous, and respectful to my family, friends, and everyone I encounter.

A few more thoughts about the organization that came to mine (in case they’re worth mentioning). Looking back I sometimes wonder if the time I spent in the organization was really, truly worth it. I was in this organization all four years of high school, and held a regional level position for two years (one year being the highest position, we can call it region president). These two years were challenging to say the least, mentally, physically and emotionally. There was a mental exhaustion stemming from these two years that I believe took several years to really move past. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be in a better position today, in terms of my job, life path, socially, etc. had I not done this position. I also don’t know if I was the best version of myself during those years. In hindsight, I don’t know if I would do it again (and this is a thought that has frequently entered my head).

Please feel free to let me know if there are any further questions I can answer.

Much appreciated,

Kareem

Hi Anita,

Upon reflection, I believe your sentiments are spot on. In the past, emotion has often gotten in the way of some of the choices I can make. This can be positive emotions (wanted to do something for someone else, like with the box), or negative emotions (e.g. I didn’t apply to certain colleges because I was simply convinced I wouldn’t get in).

I have definitely made improvements over the years. The person who I was as a high school senior is nowhere close to who I am now (and I am so glad for that). However, I struggle with leaving the past behind. I am disappointed with the choices I made, which I realize were driven by emotion. I believe that there is always a positive lesson to learn from negative situations, but it bothers me that it took a negative situation to learn the lesson in the first place. I am often hyper focused on wondering why I made the choices I did (before I made the improvements that got me to where I am). I even feel regret and anxiety about feeling regret and anxiety.

Please do let me know if there is anything I can clarify. Hope you’re having a great day!

Thanks,

Kareem

Hi Anita,

It is about four hours since my last post. As I had predicted, the same anxiety (the mental and physical sensations) has returned. Sharing if it is helpful at all.

Thanks again,

Kareem