fbpx
Menu

Rocd or falling out of love

Home→Forums→Relationships→Rocd or falling out of love

New Reply
Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • January 7, 2019 at 1:52 pm #272897
    Vee
    Participant

    Hello, I’ve been having a lot on my mind but I will try to be quick so I don’t lose myself. I just wanted to clear out that I’m 17 years old and I know it’s quite an young age to worry so much about a relationship but here it goes.

    I started dating my boyfriend almost 2 years ago and we just connected so much. 7 months in we were having some problems and we decided to have a break up and he decided to be with another girl for about 3 months. We then got back together and we were very happy and everything was so perfect. Even like this I never felt the same in my own sick. I felt very insecure and depressed most of the time, regardless of how happy I truly was with him. Later on the summer of 2018 e started having doubts about how much I loved him and if I did or did not. After many hours of crying and research I realized that most of what I felt was driven from ROCD, which my therapist reaffirmed.

    Now those thoughts at back but in a slightly different way. Instead of constantly questioning how much I love him all I can think is that maybe I’ve fallen out of love and I’m truly no longer in love with him.. this thought makes me sad because i don’t want to lose him, but the idea of not leaving also scares me.. I don’t know if it is rocd again or maybe me truly falling out of love.

    I feel like nothing in life brings me true joy anymore and so our relationship but I didn’t want to throw it all away. I’m really scared to be honest.

    Anyways, could you give me any thoughts or opinions? Thank you very much

    (Once again, very sorry! I am new to the site I didn’t quite understand how the forums worked…)

    January 7, 2019 at 2:02 pm #272901
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Vee:

    Not a problem,  having posted on another person’s thread by mistake. No big deal.

    Regarding fear and love, fear drives away feelings of love. Fear takes over and every other feeling takes a back seat. For example, a bunch of deer are eating, enjoying eating. Then they hear a sound, a possible predator, feel fear and stop eating. They all look in the direction of the noise, motionless, waiting. Similar with people, when fear (anxiety is an ongoing or repeating state of fear) is experienced, we stop feeling anything else, focused on a perceived danger.

    Does this make sense  to you in the context  of your post?

    * I will be back in about fourteen hours. If you reply I will read and reply further when I am back. Maybe other members will reply to you before I am back.

    anita

    January 7, 2019 at 2:02 pm #272903
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

    January 7, 2019 at 2:22 pm #272911
    Vee
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    It does make sense. And its actually quite calming to see things from that perspective. I’ve been just so focused on feeling like I had to leave for no reason that I couldn’t think of anything else.. I tend to get into vicious cycles of thoughts and i literally lose track of everything else.

    is there anything I can do avoid these situations?

    January 7, 2019 at 2:34 pm #272915
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Vee

    Could you clarify what you mean when you use the word Love and what  your expectations of being loved are?

     

    January 7, 2019 at 2:50 pm #272923
    Vee
    Participant

    Hello Peter, of course!

    When I used the word Love i was for that feeling of safety and sensation that you have found a part of yourself in other person. That thing inside of you that makes you smile every time you look at that person. I can see I might still have a Disney like idea of love. Right now I feel like somethingis missing and that i might not be in love anymore, whigh makes me feel guilty, nervous and sad

    When reflecting on my ideia of being loved i imagine what it have now. Support and affection, dedictation and kindness towards another. Feeling like that person is truly there when I need

    January 8, 2019 at 8:12 am #273037
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear  Vee:

    Maybe this explanation will help you:

    There is nothing a child needs more than to feel safe. It is a longing so intense. When a child feels safe, the sun seems brighter, the grass greener, she is filled with joy, eager to run  on that grass to the other side, to catch that rabbit,  to  pick up that flower and look at it close. Joy, curiosity, eagerness, all these are possible when feeling safe.

    On the other hand, when a child feels unsafe, the sun is gone, the sky is grey, the grass is dull and  she doesn’t want to run on that grass, she doesn’t care to catch that rabbit or to pick up  flowers.  Instead, she sits somewhere, looking so sad.

    And that child,  when she grows up and romance becomes an option, the hope for safety wakes up, and she thinks: this boy, this young man will make me feel safe. With that hope come the joy, that eagerness, this beautiful life experience.

    For a while it feels this way but it doesn’t last because that childhood feeling of safety when not experienced  in early childhood, it cannot be produced and  maintained in a romantic relationship. You are no longer a tiny little girl and the young man is not the all powerful parent that existed in the mind of the young child.

    If you corrected your expectations  of a romantic relationship, you will probably feel differently, your feelings will be grounded in reality.

    anita

    January 8, 2019 at 12:46 pm #273207
    Vee
    Participant

    Anita

    In a way it does. I understand the whole situation but i still feel quite lost. Are you trying to say that if i change my perspective on love I’ll feel better on the relationship or that I’ll understand that we are or not good together?

    I do feel safe with him, I realize he protects me and supports me and has been with me through every storm I got myself into. For some reason i feel like I have to leave him and I don’t quite understand why. It scares me to imagine leaving and it fills me with guilt because I know how good he is for me and how i will miss him but I can’t get this thought out of my head and it’s driving me crazy

    January 8, 2019 at 1:01 pm #273211
    Peter
    Participant

    Realising that you are aware of possibly having a “Disney like idea of love” suggests an intuition that something deeper exists. Am I correct in saying that you have a habit of over thinking things because you enjoy figuring things out. Why you and others do the things they do?  As all such things such a way of being can be a gift as well as a problem. Knowing when to reflect on mattes and when to enjoy the moment without having to ‘know’.  I suspect you will get there.

    There are two books by David Richo that I wish I had read by your age.

    ‘How to Be an Adult in Love’, and ‘How to be a Adult In Relationships’ You may find them helpful as you work through your explorations of Love. And just maybe get to the point

    All the best. Don’t be to hard on yourself.

    January 8, 2019 at 1:03 pm #273213
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Vee:

    No, I didn’t suggest  that you are not good together. I did suggest that having realistic expectations from a guy in the  context  of a romantic relationship is helpful. I suggested that a guy cannot provide you with the feeling  of safety and  comfort that only a good parent can provide a child.

    Did you feel safe as a younger child with your parents? Or did you feel lonely and alone, sad or scared?

    anita

    January 8, 2019 at 2:56 pm #273233
    Vee
    Participant

    Peter

    I do tend to be an overthinker. When I was younger I used to see it as simply wanting to know everything there was to know, in a good way. As time went by my friends started to innocently make fun of it and not long ago, I was pointed out for having ocd like attitudes.

    I deeply appreciate the suggestions and I will take time and consideration into reading then.

    Thank you very much

    January 8, 2019 at 3:01 pm #273241
    Vee
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    When I was younger i used to feel really protected and I was a really happy child. Only when i hit around 9 year old, when my parents started to have marriage problems, was I started to feel quite alone and sad, but even then I was pretty naive about emotions. In a way I feel like I wasn’t familiar with the idea of how hard life actually “is”, as if I wasn’t programmed to stay sad for too long.

    January 8, 2019 at 3:27 pm #273247
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Vee:

    “I wasn’t programmed to stay sad for too long”, what an interesting way of  saying it.

    I don’t think anyone is programmed to  stay sad for long. You probably heard that young children are resilient, right? The joy-of-life, that force of life doesn’t  die easily. I think that as we become teenagers and then adults, if we are anxious for too long (and the OCD you mentioned is about anxiety), we  become  depressed.

    You mentioned a therapist, are you seeing one and how is that progressing; what is happening there?

    * I will soon be away from the computer for about thirteen hours.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.