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Romantic feelings for an ex/best friend

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  • #374603
    Ashley
    Participant

    <p dir=”ltr” style=”text-align: left;”>Me and my ex had a messy breakup. We loved eachother but decided to split. We were still friends and a few months later he unintentionally leads me on giving me false hope that we could continue our relationship again. He feels extremely guilty for doing so and decides to distance himself from me so he is not reminded of the pain he caused me. He did not clarify this though. Many months later I message him asking him why he left our friendship and he told me it was because he was guilty. I had no intention of being in a relationship with him when I messaged him, i was simply curious because he had promised to stay friends with me and that broken promise kept me up at night. We are good friends now, but I struggle with the fact that I still have some romantic feelings for him. I do not want to be in a relationship with him but I find myself daydreaming about it sometimes and I find myself getting a little jealous when he mentions other girls. I know that if he gets into a healthy relationship I’ll be happy for him because thats all I want for him is to be happy, even if it isn’t with me. I am not obsessed with him, the romantic feelings I get for him bother me sometimes and I’ve had them for a long time now. I just want to remain friends with him but its difficult when my romantic feelings interfere because I keep thinking we could be in a relationship together again but I know it wont happen. Please help me. I’m trying to be patient with these feelings but I’ve had them for so long they won’t leave the back of my mind and it bothers me a lot. Thank you.</p>

    #374616
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ashley:

    “We are good friends now, but.. I still have some romantic feelings for him. I do not want to be in a relationship with him but I find myself daydreaming about it”- in your heart, you do want to be in a relationship with him. Emotionally you want to be back with him romantically.

    “I just want to remain friends… I keep thinking we could be in a relationship again but I know it won’t happen. Please help me”-

    – it may be better for you to not remain friends with him. Otherwise, you may want to ask him to not mention other girls to you (so that you do not get “a little jealous when he mentions other girls”), and maybe a friendship with him will be possible when you have a new boyfriend (?)

    anita

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