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Scared my family won’t like my new boyfriend

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • February 28, 2022 at 3:09 am #393847
    Arie1276
    Participant

    I met this wonderful amazing man. We had that instant connection like we knew each other forever feeling.   We absolutely like each other a lot and are pretty much inseparable.   There is one problem.   His job.   I am afraid to tell some of my family and friends what he does for work I fear of them telling me I can do better.  He works in a local store in the deli section.   I however work in the medical field and make a little more money. He used to be a head chef somewhere but lost his job .  My one friend told me who cares where he works as long as he is working and not sitting at home not doing anything.   When people ask me what he does I tell them he works and that’s all.  I know he can do better.  He’s very smart and intelligent.  Anyways … I’m just afraid of my family and some friends will judge him and tell me to find someone else.
    I’ve always dated men with good jobs and money, but always ended up being treated badly .  Then I met my bf who treats me like a queen.  Any advice on how I can handle my fear and prepare for any judgement?  I really like him and he likes me a lot. It’s like we are a perfect match.

    February 28, 2022 at 8:26 am #393852
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Arie1276:

    “I met this wonderful, amazing man… my bf who treats me like a queen” – is it a different man from the one you shared about earlier this month, concluding on February 17: “After re reading what I wrote and reading your reply… it’s time to let him go.  He doesn’t care about me at all and that hurts.  If he cared, he would not be playing me like a fool“?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by .
    February 28, 2022 at 10:24 am #393856
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Yes .  This is a different guy.  I was seeing him few weeks before I knew the last one was ending.  I realize now how I want to be treated which is like a queen.  This guy absolutely adores me.   We are basically inseparable.  Yes I know maybe too soon. But this feels right.  And I do honestly really like this new guy .   We are very open to how we feel with each other.  But I’m afraid what my family may think of his job.

    February 28, 2022 at 11:06 am #393858
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Arie1276:

    “He works in a local store in the deli section” – he has an honest job. He works for his paycheck. His job does not take unfair advantage of other people, it does not involve criminal activity and violence. It does not add to air/ water pollution- my hat is off to this guy, I respect him. I admire him.

    “I’m just afraid of my family and some friends will judge him and tell me to find someone else” – will your family and some friends be happy if your boyfriend was the president of the biggest country in the world (a very prestigious job)? Will they look up to you for having a powerful, rich and famous boyfriend?

    Putin is the President of Russia, the biggest country in the world.  and he is a force of great destruction in the world right now, causing so much suffering to so many. But he is not working in the deli section in a store. He is President. If he was younger (or not), and single (or not) and you dated him, would your parents admire you for dating him?

    anita

    February 28, 2022 at 7:40 pm #393948
    Tommy
    Participant

    The only judgement that counts is yours. Family can say whatever they want. It is your happiness that matters most.

    But, be certain this is what you want.

    March 1, 2022 at 3:01 am #393954
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for your reply.  I should not care what he does for a living.  But even if he was rich and successful, people will judge anyways because they would think we were snobbish and too rich for them to be around us.  Either way , can’t win. His job is not permanent, but I’m worried that if we want to have a future together, he would need to find something better. And how would I go about talking to him about that without putting him down?  He knows I make more than him.

    March 1, 2022 at 8:49 am #393972
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Arie1276:

    You are welcome. “But even if he was rich and successful, people will judge anyways… Either way, can’t win“- excellent point. You can’t prevent people’s negative judgments.

    In your original post, you asked: “Any advice on how I can handle my fear and prepare for any judgement?” – My advice is that whenever you fear the judgment of a particular person, think to yourself something like: if I wanted to judge this person, is there something that I could judge this person for? And then, answer your question, I bet you would find a few things. This way, you realize that the judger can be judged himself, or herself. Most people who judge are not superior to the ones they judge!

    “I’m worried that if we want to have a future together, he will need to find something better. And how would I go about talking to him about that without putting him down?  He knows I make more than him” – treat your boyfriend as a worthy person. If you do, he should not feel put down when you talk with him- in the future, when you plan a life together- about finances.

    In other words, the two of you have equal worth as human beings. You are not worthier than him because you make more money than he does, just as people who make more money than you do are not worthier than you. Present to him these two issues as separate issues: 1) his/ your/ anyone’s worth, and 2) finances.

    anita

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