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  • #40237
    M
    Participant

    Hi All,
    Wanted to gather some much needed objective thoughts on my relationship issue..

    I have been in a relationship for the past 4 years, I am a Christian and she is a Muslim. Just to give a perspective, the social norm at least for my parent’s generation was to have arranged marriages within the same religions, community etc etc. In fact, before the relationship I thought the same would be true for me as well ( and I was vocal about it 🙂 )

    Talk about life flipping things around 180 degree!

    My girlfriends love’s me a lot, cares for me, worries for me, everything. For me on the other hand, the passion has NOT been to the same degree. I respect her for her strong qualities, I care for her and I do like her – but, its not the same as Love.

    Add to this the fact that my parents are opposed to an inter religion marriage and believe that cultural similarities are a must for the success of a marriage – my confusion starts.

    I keeping weighing in the pros and cons, but this does not help provide clarity – the doubts keep persisting. If I do go ahead and marry the girl, it would be against my family’s wishes. It would also not be easy maintaining relationships with the girls’ family ( due to cultural differences ).

    If I do not go ahead, it would leave my girlfriend heart broken. She is also clear if our relationship doesn’t work out, she would rather stay single ( and she means it )

    My inclination is to go ahead with the marriage because I know the girl loves me tremendously and I can’t see her get hurt. But then I would have to rise above my insecurities – fear of my parent’s rejections / hurt, handling cultural differences etc

    Apologies for the long winded letter, looking forward to hearing from you all.. Thnx !

    #40253
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    M
    As a woman of an ethnic background and having similar issues with my parents, I would say, they will come to terms with your choice when they see u happy. We underestimate the love our parents have for us. But the bigger issue here is not your family situation but the lack of passion you have for this girl. I hear that she loves tremendously but in your words above I diidn’t hear you voice the same. Its not fair to marry someone just because. I had my heart broken recently and when I look at my situation in a third person point of view, I see that its for the best. My ex loved me but, wasnt in love with me. He knew how much i loved him and he knew that he couodnt give me the same love.
    I also like your girl told my ex that I will never be anyone after him and that he was my life. Guess what, 37 days later, I am healing. I miss him and I cry but it feels ok to be by myself. It feels good to know that I have another chance in life to find my best friend and love. The worst thing you can ever do to a person u love is not give them your all. Dont you think a woman who loves you so much deserves everything and more in life? I can tell u now after my experience that leaving me was the most lovable thing my ex has done for me.
    Namaste

    #40261
    Matt
    Participant

    Namaste Sapna, well said.

    There are other men out there who would love her, and marry her because they want to be with her. Its nice and kind that you are considering marrying her anyway, to prevent her from feeling painful feelings. That’s not enough in my opinion. After awhile that will fade, and the pain you bring when things collapse will be even greater.

    That being said, why don’t you love her? Is your heart closed in general?

    With warmth,
    Matt

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