Seems so empty?

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    I’m sorry if this seems long, but I feel like it might be easier to ask if I go through the entire story. Since this is my first post I don’t really know what to say. So my ex broke up with me about almost a year ago. It was probably the worst and best thing that happened to me. I had just graduated college and was only working part time jobs. My ex had dropped out one of the best colleges in the US with a scholarship because she felt that working at her local market was more fulfilling . I supported her but I guess she suffered from slight self esteem issues.

    Then one day out of the blue, my ex tells me she wants to break up. And at first I didn’t know why. It was heart breaking. I tried everything but eventually she left. The worry and anxiety broke from that time destroyed me. I lost almost 20 pounds, drank heavily and I found out from a mutual friend the reason she broke up with me was because she wanted to date her coworker. I wasn’t a possessive boyfriend but the guy she broke up with me for was her friend she told me about. And that was probably what hurt me the most. I can say I was depressed, miserable, and it didn’t help I had no full-time job. I ended up injuring my left leg so badly I still have a giant scar. It also did not help in the following months my aunt died, my parents lost their job, and I was the sole person that needed to find something to keep my family afloat while we paid the house off.

    To say the least I was angry, I blamed everything on her. I had such strong hatred for everything. I hated her with everything I had. The only redeeming part of the entire ordeal was I had a strong support system. I complained endlessly to my friends and family, and I feel like I definitely pushed them away. 5 months after, I had picked up all the hobbies I gave up while I was with her.

    Then the only thing on my mind was, I will make myself better. I used all the hatred to push myself along. My leg scars healed, I was working full-time at a well paying job and supporting my family. And then I met a very interesting girl. She made me happy, she was kinda clingy, but I liked it. I liked that she made me feel loved. However, while we dated she realized she loved her ex boyfriend. And I was happy to have dated her. However she left and is now happily dating her ex-current boyfriend.

    Then another 4 months passed by and I ended up dating a friend. We clicked well and we got along super well, shared many intimate moments. However she was from a different country. So much miscommunication happened and everything broke to pieces. I thought I was doing fine but somewhere along the way she just wanted to go back to being just friends. Which I found impossible. So I told her I just need to not see her or talk to her for awhile. Which she did not take well and told me she didn’t understand why we couldn’t just be best friends again. And now every time we talk I feel like she wants to argue with me. I don’t blame her for breaking up with me. You shouldn’t want to date someone you don’t have feelings for, she just didn’t see me as boyfriend material. Which hurt my pride a lot. I treated her well, I took her to dinner, I made dinner for her, I’d take her out every week while we dated and I thought I was a good boyfriend but I guess not.

    Anyway to the point of this entire long post. I realized that somewhere along the way I lost that hatred from my first relationship. The one that motivated me to push through all the hardships. I mean I’ve gained all the weight I lost. I’m much more fit then I used to be, and I’ll be going to another country with a good job. However, Valentines day is coming by. My friends and their significant others are planning for it. A lot of my other friends from high school are getting married. I feel like something is wrong with me. I’m not sad. I’m happy with who I am. I’m proud of what I’ve done. Yet.. I do my hobbies, I hang with my friends, I work, and yet for some reason I just feel empty. Is it that I want a relationship that badly? I really don’t feel satisfied. I’m hoping that maybe a change of job will be enough but right now. I just want to know why I feel so empty.


    You sound a lovely guy and one day maybe the right person will come along but hey, maybe they won’t!
    The answer is to learn to feel fulfilled and happy with just yourself & not have that contentment reliant on other things….i.e. girlfriend, job, relationships. I am VERY old (LOL!) and have only just realised this secret…. after a few disastrous relationships where I looked for that other person to ‘make’ me happy.
    After a long, long struggle with life I have finally seen the light! I am working at doing what I want, spending time with friends whose company I enjoy and NOT chasing that elusive dream and amazingly I am the happiest & most optimistic I have ever been.
    Tomorrow may never come…. you need to appreciate and enjoy each day in it’s own right. One day you will look up and find everything has fallen into place and you are where you want to be!
    Tiny Buddha, Baggage Reclaim and similar websites do offer articles to help understand your feelings. As they used to say ‘count your blessings’ corny but true.
    Don’t be so hard on yourself, be kind…. I hope you eventually achieve inner contentment.


    Keisuke, in our lifetime the average person will see 15,000 sunrises. Though the sunrise happens everyday, some days we don’t see it; i.e. over-sleeping, sleeping in, getting ready for work. Some way something is interfering with us seeing this beacon of hope, of a new day, not just a new day but a day that has never been experienced before in history; same numbers, same names, different day. I believe that since we’re human we tend to transfer events that occurred from a certain time duration into these new sunrises and we forget to keep the day as it should be, new and never experienced before. Dude, it sucks to have break-ups, they can bang up your self-esteem and send you into a search. I personally believe that we will have what we are meant to have and what we aren’t is for a reason. Your reason is out there, the idea is, is that you must go out and experience life; which is what you are doing. Life is learning. You’re were learning about relationships and setting up schemas in your mind? Now it’s time to learn more- not necessarily negative scenarios but learning. Think about it, what did you learn from these experiences? What you deserve or don’t deserve? What can you work on? What qualities you like in a woman? What qualities a woman likes in you. In the Tao of Pooh, the author speaks of the uncarved block. Elizabeth Reninger from about.com puts it this way “The Chinese word “Pu” is often translated as “the uncarved block,” and refers to a state of pure potential which is the primordial condition of the mind before the arising of experience. The Taoist concept of Pu points to perception without prejudice”. In other words we must take the good in with the bad, the sunset with the sunrise and realize that there is beauty and experience and learning in both. This Valentines Day, I am single as well but I will be spending it, not in search of a date but with my friends and some family. Everything else, I will await patiently and be happy in my day and do meaningful things that not only make me feel fulfilled and happy but others as well, volunteer, help a friend or family member, keep up your hobbies or buy a pet. You’ll learn yourself and master your emotions and self and awareness and eventually you’ll see the rays of the sunrise and you’ll be with that one you’ve been looking for. Meantime enjoy life and TRY NEW THINGS. GET OUT THERE, THE WORLD WON’T WAIT FOR YOU FOREVER. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

    Annie P

    Dear Keisuki,

    I’m so sorry that you are feeling sad. I believe that what these 2 ladies have said is great advice. I understand your loneliness – try to find ways to comfort yourself and create your own happiness. You have the capacity to do that.

    Warm Regards,


    Thank you everyone. I think I’ll try living in the moment a bit more. Since I do have a big interview I was pretty stressed about it. I guess I was looking too much at others and not trying to make myself happy. I’m glad everyone is so positive and supportive here, it’s almost a rare instance to find something like this online. So I will try to do more to feel better instead of wallowing in my sorrows.

    I guess a lot more searching for what really makes me happy. Thanks again!

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