I am in need of some reassurance as going through quite a tough time at the moment in a few ways and would love to share my story/seek advice and just get some reassurance really.

I have just, this month found out my mum has bowel cancer, it hasnt spread we dont think, but will know more once she has had her operation, she is 74 and I adore her immensely, she is a beautiful soul inside and out. So trying to be strong here, also for my dear dad too who is 78 and being strong for him too.

On another note whilst all this has been going on, I was with someone, we dated back in April 2021, I moved in with him in July, soon I know (so dont judge lol) but felt right and rented out my house in that time, again felt fine and no stress. During our time together, it was lovely, really happy, holidays, well UK holiday away, both loved our outdoors sports and love of dogs too, we had a lovely happy, sporty and freedom loving life. The week I moved in, he kind of started to act strange, which is where my red flags appeared.

I was in the kitchen after work on the Monday I had literally moved and he started to act, only way to describe it cold and I started to feel very isolated all of a sudden as I had moved 45mins away from family/friends in this time and felt lonely. He had these strange moments but wouldnt last long if this makes sense and would be back to being his normal lovely charming self, as  he was charming.

A month later coming into August, he asked to see my phone, I said no he said ok you are not being honest and open with me, I said I am, it was after this episode that he would turn, my only way to describe him dark, cold and accusing. He would sit upstairs and not talk to me or go cold again, he would just sulk, be moody and say you are not being open and honest we are done. I said ok but tried to reason with him but thought ok I will go back home I need to get my head around this even though I stayed calm all through this he would run out the room, slam the front door and disappear for hours on end saying he is not coming back home and pretend he was taking important calls to which he would leave again, all very odd behaviour.

When going home that night, he follows me, cut a long story short, what happened in the end was I found out he was texting his ex, telling her he still loved her and that I was cheating on him because I didnt show him my phone. She contacted me to let me know this and I asked him why did you tell her you loved her, his words were to get attention of any kind and it worked, I manipulated her he said,  I said thats sick, he said I know!

Whilst feeling utterly sick to the stomach on many accounts….by this stage of up and down emotions and me feeling I need time out, he said if you want to see your family/friends dont expect to come home, or he would text me we are not together the times I met my friends last minute or needed to see them.

Whatever this was it was making me ill and had a few panic attacks which I realised if I had continued I would have been incredibly ill in the long term. I had all my stuff at his and from myself removing myself from his house, he literally puts all my belongings into storage without my consent and lets me know its all moved because I didnt reply to a text he sent me. It was then we were concerned for his behaviour. I had to go back there to pick up other stuff to which he follows me with my dog in the back, as had to do a few trips and he then follows me and my family out for a walk only for my dad to ask him are you checking up on her? My mum started to feel nervous in his presence.

He wasnt going to stop as he decided at this point to carry on displaying tantrums, pleading, begging, calling for the rest of the afternoon whilst I was packing my things and me saying this is it I am gone this is not healthy, he said I know its not but dont leave me, I cant and wont get anyone else like you.

Since leaving a month ago, I have moved back home, thankfully with my stuff out of storage and dog in tow she is fine but the week I left he text me, so I had to block him on all accounts. I heard he was being unfaithful for 2 years to his last girlfriend on and off and his wife of 20 years too in the end, I am sure there are more stories to add to that too.

He has since been in my area, 1 hour away to attend the same running events as me, (we use to go to these together but myself and my family are annoyed he still goes to these considering we are not together and not his area) to which this was just yesterday, he was just staring at me and also just smiling to which I felt literally sick, shaking and nearly couldnt make my run, luckily, I asked my male friend to run with me and he did and my family were there too supporting me, otherwise not too sure what would have happened. Or he would have come up to me.

He still has an awful affect on me, and I am slowly getting my life back, I am a really sensitive person and he has indeed brought out a lot of things in me that I am now realising. I had to contact the police, they mentioned he may be a sociopath but who knows all I know is that I am away from him and they are checking his background now to see if he has a history. His charm was intoxicating at the start, to which it was like a drug and during lockdown was harder to resist when on your own, as you can imagine.

I am still on edge just seeing his name being mentioned more so at the running events, but even for those months the effect he has had on me is pretty awful and since yesterday still feel raw and very low, alongside hearing news about my beautiful mum too.  I am feeling optimistic mum will be ok but it couldnt come at a worse time but know I am better being away and couldnt imagine what I would have been like if I was still with him during this time.

Truly exhausted emotionally and mentally but thank you just for reading this, means a lot to me…

x