I was with the love of my life for three and a half years. We met in college. The first two years were pretty codependent as we were young and immature — I was very dependent and insecure. But the last year I worked so hard on myself and we became extremely healthy. We were such a team. We didn’t live together but we might as well have, we were together all the time and enjoyed our time together so much. We had a lovely circle of friends and we were truly happy. We were the best of friends on a very deep and companionate level. But also so passionately in love.

His goal was to get into dental school. I did whatever I could to help him. When he was studying for the Dental Admissions Test I did whatever possible, I was like his little side kick. I truly enjoyed it, it felt like such rewarding teamwork. I come from a traditional family so this didnt feel demeaning, and he really appreciated the sacrifice I made. He showed it too.

Well, all of his hard work paid off. He got into Harvard. Then things started to loom over our heads. People would ask when we ran into them, “What are you guys going to do?” “Are you going to do long distance?” “Have you talked about it?”

We hadn’t talked about it. I didn’t want to pressure him. I didn’t want to bring back any of my dependency from the past. I knew this journey was about him, his schooling, and his career. I wanted to give him the space to feel free. I didn’t want to put my expectations onto him. I tried to gently bring it up a few times but I don’t know if either of us were ready. We were enjoying every day together so much, and we wanted to just enjoy the present together.

Finally the talk came, and he told me he didn’t want me to move up there with him. But then he told me he didn’t want to do long distance either. He was breaking up with me. It was the most devastating thing I’ve ever been through. It’s been 6 months later and I’m still so in love. He was truly the man of my dreams.

I know he still loves me too. It sounds so weird but I have my ways of social media lurking. On his music profile he listens to all these sad songs (even recently), like ones titled “I’m Still In Love With You.” and a bunch more like that. I know our bond has not yet been broken.

I know logically that the situation itself is not shallow, or black and white. But sometimes the shame burns. I was madly in love with a man who left me, went on to the best university in the world, made 100 new friends in his cohort, and possibly his future wife. While I’m still back in our college town working as a measly graphic designer. I feel so low about myself. Will I ever amount to anything? I don’t regret helping him achieve his goals but part of me feels like such a loser for not trying to achieve the same level of goals he’s achieving.

I feel so pathetic, and heartbroken. I feel like I’m going to be in love with him for the rest of my life. He’s still all I could ever want. What do I do?