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Self Forgiveness

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  • December 23, 2016 at 10:26 am #123377
    Donna Knapp
    Participant

    Life has not been easy and I have always worked on myself to be as healthy as my heart, soul and mind could be while on this planet. I am grateful for the experiences of Life teaching me what I need to grow.
    Recently, a 6 year relationship ended. The reality is I was far more supportive of a man and waited for his children to grow and for us to begin our life together. I waited because I believed in him and his goodness. I still do. I realized the commitment we made to one another was no longer viable on his end and had been waning for some time without any in person availability. I knew a phone relationship was not going to build a lasting relationship and I was not ever going to be any kind of priority yet he did not want to end the relationship. So I waited.
    After 6 months of struggling, he ended the relationship telling me he tried for years to tell me he tried to end it for years. I thought about it over and over and do not remember that ever being a statement. I also wondered why a man in his late 50’s or anyone would call and text 3 times a day, profess his love if he were trying to end a relationship?

    This is my issue to work out and I need to move on. At 55, I am reeling trying to figure out how I why I remained so long? I have dug and dug and I thought he just needed love and support. I am working on being compassionate with myself but trust is huge for me because I was told one thing and then told another story. My heart and head are trying to find a common ground and although I know it will take time, I cannot believe I was so naive to wait. I think I am most upset with myself because I wasted so much time I will never get back by accepting a million excuses which now I believe were untrue. I feel as if I sold myself out.

    Long story but I just needed support to get my breath back.
    Thank you for any insight.
    Peace and Love,
    Donna

    December 23, 2016 at 10:55 am #123379
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Donna:

    I hope you do get your breath back. I would like to know a bit more before trying to understand what happened: the “million excuses” he gave you, which you now believe were untrue: what were a few of them?

    anita

    January 5, 2017 at 8:24 am #124615
    plaxs
    Participant

    Can you try forgiveness exercise on reachnaran.com.
    It helps your situation.

    January 5, 2017 at 9:48 am #124617
    Peter
    Participant

    At 55, I am reeling trying to figure out how I why I remained so long?

    I waited because I believed in him and his goodness. I still do. I realized the commitment we made to one another was no longer viable on his end and had been waning for some time without any in person availability. I knew a phone relationship was not going to build a lasting relationship and I was not ever going to be any kind of priority yet he did not want to end the relationship. So I waited.

    He ended the relationship telling me he tried for years to tell me he tried to end it for years
    I wondered why a man in his late 50’s or anyone would call and text 3 times a day, profess his love if he were trying to end a relationship?

    A dream a hope a need… dies hard. We know but we don’t know and so we wait and so we hold on. There is nothing to forgive ourselves for

    Physiologically it’s understandable that you waited and even understandable that he professed his love while assuming his actions were telling you he needed to end the relationship. And it’s understandable that now as a result you find yourself questioning your ability to trust, perhaps most of all yourself

    Understanding may or may not be helpful. There is a time for all things when a relationship ends. Understanding, anger, sadness, compassion, grieving the hoped for future that will no longer be, learning a trust that is less naive yet also still open.

    Love is always an experience bitter sweet… its what gives it its texture and aliveness

    We know but we don’t know and so we wait and so we hold on and eventualy let go. There is nothing to forgive ourselves for.

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