So, my wife of 15 years and I have now been separated for several months we have two extremely bright teenagers the younger one who is ADHD and has an electronic addition. I had (past-tense) an anger management problem, the separation is the result of it, and now a pending divorce which all of our friends and extended family and clergy are bewildered by what occurred and what has been happening. And now all of them will not do things or invite us either of us to events or even have group gatherings anymore. There was never any physical violence, use of drugs, alcohol abuse, or marriage infidelity in the relationship. We still have the same goals for the kids are aligned still politically and socially as we did before.   In the past I had tried numerous venues in seeking help but none of them work in dealing with the anger and learning to manage it. The counselor who we were seeing referred me to this person who only deals with anger management here in our town. This person has helped me focus, gain control, calm down, and learn many things about myself, taught me to mediate, and shake away the demons and straighten out many of my issues. A lot of the problems stemmed from my job which took me away from home for a couple days a week, which has in the past had a lot of job security which will be ending soon due to several factors, but my profession (upper management) has been difficult in finding the same opportunity in our town but I am fine with that. I would trade anything to have my wife and children back. I have made the pledge to no longer yell, scream or act without forethought. I hope someday that she would take the same pledge. Our older child has anxiety issues and is on meds to deal with that, but it has only gotten worse since I was kicked out of the house and the younger one has gotten into more yelling matches with her than when I was there. I see she is exhausted by trying to take care of two teenage children but she is so stubborn and unwillingness she gets wiped before by early afternoon and will not allow me to assist her or take the kids for even a day.

I get that she is angry and hurtful for everything I have put her and kids through all of these years, I get that she doesn’t want the type of relationship we had in the past which was imbalance 90/10 and I don’t either. Both of us are over 50, not the GQ type, don’t live the life of excess or do frivolous things, we chose one another not out of necessity or need for companionship but because we wanted someone for a lasting partnership, like Penguins or Swans who mate for life.  We are people who prefer to help others, love the outdoors, live our lives for our children, pragmatic, and don’t expect others to do things for us. She has said that one of her concerns is that I don’t return to being that person and I have assured her that I never intend to. Neither of us have other interests in pursuing relations with other people, nor have any desire to do so. I of course would do anything to make amends so that I could return home and be with her and the kids they have been the center of my world since . All of this has been extremely difficult for both of the kids, especially the younger one who closer to me. I cry myself to sleep every night, alone and hug the pillow next to me as if it was her and I don’t let go of it until morning, as we did for over the past 17 years. What I am hoping and trying to do is get her to come back to the table and try to have more communication, to have a meeting of minds and agreeing to work together not just for our common good but also the common good of kids and our family as a whole, but she has been resistant at every turn because of the constant persuasion by her friend who is bitter divorcée and her counselor both of whom resent men. I keep waiting for the moment I awaken from the coma or the nightmare I have been experiences for the past several months.  Any suggestions from the community would be helpful.