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Setting free what you love… will it come back?

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  • #109181
    Jo
    Participant

    Im in this uncomfortable position where I have released someone who I love very much. Well, we never really release anyone, but I have let go of the grasp that my heart had on her. It was a 2 year affair, where I fell very much in love. More than I ever have with anyone in my entire life. There is a major age difference, and I believe that she is just not ready for me yet. So I let her go, now I battle with the question, will she come back? do they ever come back? Sometimes I’m scared that if she doesn’t, I will never get over her, or never love someone again. How do you truly let go if you are hoping they will come back?

    • This topic was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Jo.
    • This topic was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Jo.
    #109184
    anita
    Participant

    Dear indigobb:

    I can’t answer the questions you asked, but I do have questions for yo. If you answer them I may have answers to questions you didn’t ask. Let me know if you would like answers to questions you didn’t ask.

    Otherwise, I hope someone else can answer the questions you did ask.

    anita

    #109191
    HealingWords
    Participant

    Indigobb,

    I do not know whether she will come back, but in my experience I do know that life has a funny way of bringing people back into your life, in unexpected ways. However, you do have a bit of control over your own life, you can chose to be open and provide her opportunities to be involved in your life. Maybe she will return, maybe she will not, in that case it will be her choice. There is a quote “that was the first thing I had to learn about her, and maybe the hardest I’ve ever learned about anything–that
    she is her own, and what she gives me is of her choosing, and the more precious because of it. Sometimes a
    butterfly will come to sit in your open palm, but if you close your hand, one way or the other, it–and its choice to
    be there–are gone.”
    This may be hard to swallow that if she chooses not to return, but you shouldn’t regret anything, its not in your control.

    I think you may have let her go from your life, you are still emotionally attached to the idea of being with her in the future. You can still love her and let go of the attachment of what you could have with her. While you “wait for her”, live like you are not waiting, walk down your own path, follow your dreams, learn to be happy. If she does join you later in life, you will have a better life to share with her.

    I am going through something similar, so I hope this is helpful for you.

    I wish you luck!

    Laure

    #109192

    First off, big virtual hug across the interwebs! It’s not easy letting go of someone you care about.

    Is it possible she’ll come back? Sure, anything is possible. My parents got back together after a breakup and have been married for 35+ years. That being said, it is also possible they won’t return. Back when I was in college, my first love broke up with me unexpectedly. As cried buckets of tears, I wailed to my roommate, “will we get back together?” She gently replied something I’ll never forget, “I don’t know…but listen, even if that’s what you want, you have to live your life like you *won’t*. That way, if you don’t reunite, then you’ve gotten a head start on the healing process…and if you do get back together, then it will be a delightful surprise!” I still to this day think there’s a lot of truth in that advice.

    I never got back together with that fella, but I did heal and went on to have other loving relationships.

    In answer to your final question, “How do you truly let go if you are hoping they will come back?” in my opinion is you can’t. And you know what? That’s OK! As you work through the grieving process your grip on those ties that bind your heart to her will get looser and eventually you’ll let go.

    Best of luck to you! Practice great self care and be kind to yourself.

    #109197
    Jo
    Participant

    Yes, please do.

    #109199
    Jo
    Participant

    Thank you for your thoughtful responses <3

    #109230
    anita
    Participant

    Dear indigobb:

    I am assuming your reply: “Yes, please do” is for me. Therefore here are my questions:

    How old are you and how old is she (you mentioned “a major age difference”)?

    You mentioned a “two year affair”- to clarify the word Affair, were and are the two of you single people, not married or living with a third party partner?

    What makes you believe that “she is just not ready for me ye”?

    How could you tell, in the future, that she is ready for you? How could her readiness for you express itself: how does it look like, sound like?

    anita

    #110703
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi. Well from my point of view and similar experience I would double consider or mostly
    completely eliminate option of coming back to someone who think that I need time to grow.
    Maybe it’s not her who need to grow? Try to look deeply into that?

    ‘Major age difference’ what kind of difference we are talking about , is it 20+ , 30+ it is important to know. .
    Ladies naturally mature much quicker than gents – that’s why most of us go for older guys. minimum 8y older

    Best advice coming now to my mind is to live present moment future is unknown..
    Which regret would you accept: something that you did – or – something you haven’t done. . This always help me make my choices. I hope it will help you to look at this from the other perspective

    Good luck xxx

    #110715
    365daysofkindness
    Participant

    Some people are meant to only make an appearance in your life. Others circle back when it is their time.

    You can’t force anyone into a relationship when they’re not ready. It will only cause both parties anxiety. Which means you had no option but to release her.

    The best thing you can do is live your life and invest in yourself. She will come back if it’s the right place and time for her. And if she doesn’t, you will have built a beautiful life either way.

    Hang in there and trust in the timing of your life.

    Best,
    http://www.365daysofkindness.com

    #186955
    Mike
    Participant

    I’ve discovered this post and forum while googling “will they come back”.

    HealingWords, I’ve written this down as a bit of a mantra:

    “While you “wait for her”, live like you are not waiting, walk down your own path, follow your dreams, learn to be happy. If she does join you later in life, you will have a better life to share with her”

    I think this is a perfect way to accept letting her go.

    Miniature Bodhisattva and 365daysofkindness, what you have both said I believe is also a great way to look at it.

    Someone also sent me this message on Instagram when I commented on a post about “the one”:

    “If you are the one there is nothing to prevent you from being with her. Focus on you, not her”

    We were together for 10 months and we broke up a year ago. Its taken me a year to get to this point. I’ve been messaging her occasionally and she always replies straight away but rarely lets her guard down emotionally. However I’m always the one to initiate. She was the one that broke it off. A few days ago after I messaged her she said she was “so sorry that all she could offer me was to have to heal from yet another breakup” (My marriage had ended a few months before we met as did her 6 year relationship. She also said it was too soon for both of us) I sent her a long (very positive and heartfelt) message about how I saw our relationship. She said “Thank you so much for all your beautiful words today. You always say the nicest things” Neither of us are in another relationship. She has been focusing on, as she says “personal growth” and its about time I did as well.

     

     

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