I feel as though I am running out of options with my relationship. I was in a 4 year relationship with my partner and we recently broke up in October. When I say “broke up” I put that label on it not her. After my partner was in a traumatizing car accident in 2015, became depressed, anxious, and unfulfilled with her life. I did everything I could to help her through it and even though she still wasn’t as fulfilled personally, she would still rate our relationship an 8 out of 10 on a happiness scale. She said that but didn’t seem like it because she would not be emotionally present at times, we stopped having sex months ago, she’s been unemployed for 6 months and she said she’s “lost herself” and have been on autopilot. I guess after years of feeling like this, her conclusion was to ask me for a break from our relationship. She said she wanted to work on her self development and love her self again to be a better partner to me. At first I supported her journey, especially because I wanted to see her happy. After days of processing what she had proposed I then started asking myself how would I define our relationship now? Are we friends? Friends with benefits? If she wants to explore other relationships should I let her? How long is this journey? Is there a guarantee she will come back to me? Is there even a guarantee she will “get better”? After discussing these questions with her I quickly realized I was not ready to handle this emotional burden. I would be single but still living with my unemployed ex partner, still working a second job to support her, and still being emotionally available for her. That didn’t seem fair to me. So I asked her if she wanted to continue her journey she would have to move out. She gave me long explanations on why she could not move out. She doesn’t have job. She doesn’t want to be a burden to her friends. Her mom is living with her boyfriend and there is no room for her. I guess all valid reasons. I then attempted to distance myself emotionally from her. Giving her ALL the space she needed. I asked her not to speak to me anymore and to not be home when I was home. That didn’t work. I then read a self-help book and did some reflecting on my own and took this “break up” as time to work on myself too (there’s always room for improvement right?). Well that moment of enlightenment only lasted 7 days. I then started to feel angry, sad, and bitter towards her. “I can’t believe she is still living in my apartment while seeing come and go as she pleases, having space I didn’t ask for, leaving me to grow apart from her while I morn over the end of a 4 year relationship.” Throughout all this she has repeated & proven countless times that no matter what, I am still her best friend and she would never do anything to hurt me on purpose. She says that the goal is to come back to me and be better than before. She still wants to be a part of my life even though she can’t be as mentally present as she would be if we were in a relationship.  I have had several breakdowns at work, hurt my hand from punching the floor, enraged with jealousy when she hangs out with her friends and doesn’t come home to me. This is not what I asked for, I do no deserve this, and I did not ask for this space. I feel as though I just wasted 4 years of my life now! I was 100% committed to her and I feel as though my life has been turned upside down. I would consider myself a pretty self-aware person and I know that I could take this “end” to my relationship as the beginning to a newfound relationship with myself. I know I now have the freedom to do things I couldn’t do with my partner because she disliked it or was not into it. I know have the time to begin new hobbies and work on old projects. But after having her absent in my life for a month I now see that I depended on her to make me happy when the entire time I thought what we had was healthy. We were relationship goals to others! So what happened? I don’t know how to “move on” without her. I can’t see myself without her because I still see her everyday. Notice the majority of this story I talk about me, my emotions, and how I’m feeling about her choice of personal development and self-discovery. I love her and I want to show her that I love and support her unconditionally, but because I was not mentally or emotionally ready for her decision, I don’t know how to ignore my feelings of betrayal and loneliness. I don’t know how to be there for her while also starting on my own journey of self-love and independence. I honestly don’t know if  anyone else can help me but I can’t say I’m giving up on her yet until I’ve exhausted all options.