fbpx
Menu

Shocked and confused

Home→Forums→Relationships→Shocked and confused

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • February 7, 2018 at 1:02 pm #191319
    nicole
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

     

    I’m new to this website and just wanted to find a place to get some opinions from others.

    My ex and I dated for 3 years. This relationship was mostly during college, and we always had a great time. We never had any major issues, we disagreed over a few things, but nothing serious. We always enjoyed each others company, were close to each others friends and families, and I thought everything was going well. We always communicated well and made time for each other. After about 6 months out of graduating college, he broke up with me, saying he is really overwhelmed with life and his career, and feels that there are so many uncertainties in life that are overwhelming him. He felt like he couldn’t give his all into our relationship. He also said that he felt like we were becoming different people going into two different directions, and he thought our personalities were no longer compatible. There were no signs for me that led up to this break up. I was and still am really confused and shocked at what went wrong.

    I am upset and disappointed that all of a sudden he feels like we have no future together. Yes we can be different in some ways, such as I am more introverted and he is more extroverted, but it always seemed to work out. We shared the same values, morals, and goals. I am trying my best to move on, but I just can’t help but feel this isn’t over. I know him very well and I feel like he has allowed our new life changes and the stress that comes along with it, onto how he viewed our relationship. He felt like it wouldn’t be fair for me to stay together, and I understand that.

    I am trying my best to not  contact him, and give him the space he needs. It’s just so hard to lose someone who was not only my lover, but my best friend. It’s been about 2.5 weeks since the breakup. I know I should move on, and I am filling my life with a busy schedule and spending time with friends and family to distract myself. I can’t tell if every day gets easier or worse, I can’t seem to get him out of my mind. Any advice on how I should approach my situation? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

     

    February 7, 2018 at 1:41 pm #191339
    nicole
    Participant

    Oh and he said he wanted to be friends. I forgot to include that part.

    February 7, 2018 at 1:46 pm #191341
    limbolady
    Participant

    It seems to me like you are doing the right thing by not contacting him, my guess is he would have contacted you if he began to think differently.

    You sound like you have a healthy mindset in that you are finding sources of comfort in the other important people in your life. Its good you are taking care of yourself like this and the breakup of a relationship is I guess, like grief with its different stages. Anger, disbelief, bargaining, and eventually acceptance.

    I’ve seen it written elsewhere that if a person breaks up with you, they weren’t the right one for you even if you feel you were perfect for each other. He has opened up a pathway for you, after you have moved through this period of grief, to find someone who will want to stay with you and build a future with you.

     

     

    February 7, 2018 at 1:47 pm #191343
    nicole
    Participant

    Do you believe in fate? Whatever is meant to be will be? Maybe I just need to be patient and figure out what is really meant for me

    February 7, 2018 at 1:54 pm #191345
    limbolady
    Participant

    I believe relationships  of any kind, family, friends, lovers ,  reflect back to us how we are in the world we learn something about ourselves and how we relate to eachother, what we need what are our strenghts our weaknesses, what we are good at bringing to a relationship. All relationships good and bad have something we can learn about ourselves and how to move forward positively into new ones.

    February 8, 2018 at 8:19 am #191471
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear nicole:

    You wrote: “I know him very well and I feel like he has allowed our new life changes and the stress that comes along with it, onto how he viewed our relationship.”- that may be so. But maybe you don’t know how his view of the relationship with you changed over time, there may be things you don’t know.

    If you do continue contact with him as friends, maybe you can find out, asking questions, listening, finding out.

    anita

     

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.