Dear Krish:

You shared that right from the beginning of your arranged marriage, he (your now ex) withheld intimacy from you, and he perpetrated domestic violence on you, including an attack with a knife, as well as, as you phrased it, too much emotional abuse. Neither his parents (your ex-in-laws), who you refer to as being of a selfish kind (I like how you phrase things), nor his  aunt, who you refer to as a good human being, supported you during the marriage, throughout your suffering.

Nor did they support you, if I understand correctly, during the separation from your ex (10 years ago), or during the divorce (5 years ago): “I didn’t claim compensation or alimony or property and let him go and didn’t file a domestic violence case against him. I didn’t have the energy to cope with a divorce case and want to steer clear of toxicity and hence signed a mutual consent“- neither his parents nor his aunt were there for you to advocate for your rights: to file a domestic violence case against him, and to claim alimony and your share of property.

They knew (including his aunt) that you were living in a foreign country, away from your blood relatives (as I understand it), and yet, they did not support you throughout the marriage. And they didn’t support you during the separation and divorce, at least not in terms of advocating for your rights.

“I told my ex extended in laws to not contact me anymore as it reminds of the past and I got diagnosed with ptsd and this mental health issue is preventing me from getting healed and getting remarried“- for a person suffering from PTSD, having no contact with the perpetrator of violence, physical and emotional violence, as well with the people who knew of the violence, and yet actively or passively (by remaining quiet) supported the perpetrator, makes sense. It is definitely your right, and.. it’s the right thing to do, for your healing.

In regard to his aunt, you asked: “Is it okay if I block one of my extended friends and family (who were good to me) as I don’t trust them and I get reminded of my toxic past. I feel they are interacting with me to know what is happening in my life and conveying it to their family members.. I don’t want more issues in my life and want to lead my life peacefully. Should I block them and am I reasonable to do so?… (She) is keeping in touch with me constantly. I know she is a good human being but still didn’t support when I was suffering and I want a clean cut for good. Should I block her“?-

– Yes! She may be a good human being in some ways, but a truly good person does not passively support a perpetrator of violence against an innocent victim.

She may have supported the perpetrator (your ex) actively during the separation and divorce by gathering information from you and passing it on to him, so to promote a no legal consequences for his violence, as well as a no-cost divorce, for him. She has been keeping in touch with you constantly, perhaps because her past role of promoting her nephew’s interests made her feel powerful, so she keeps her role going (the information gatherer). I would definitely  stay away from her, if I was you: no contact of any kind!

Appearances (ex., appearing like a good person) can be deceiving.

I am sorry that you had such a terrible marriage, if it can be called a marriage (if there was no physical intimacy, it could be annulled/ made void, in some places in the world).

I see that you posted a reply to another member on July 26 (more than 1.5 months ago), an excellent reply, where you advised the member to: “Consult a suitable psychologist to help cope with your divorce and don’t do dating to seek support from women there. They are not trained psychologists. If you go for a divorce, finalise your divorce, heal from the divorce, self reflect about your past relationship failure, work on yourself and go for dating… This is a forum for support and we intend good outcomes for you. All the best.“- I wish you, Krish, healing from your marriage and divorce, and that once you healed enough, if you want a love marriage for yourself, that you find a suitable partner so to make it happen.

I hope to read more from you, here on your thread, and in others’ threads, as a responder (if you would like that, of course).

anita

Dear Krish: You are very welcome! I will reply further in the next day or so.

anita

Dear Krish:

I am keeping you in my prayers! I will reply further by tomorrow. Please take a very good care of yourself!

anita