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Should i let her go or keep pursuing her?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Valora 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #301897

    Felix
    Participant

    Hello everyone. I’m new here.

    So here i’m confused in letting her go or keep pursuing her?

    I’ve known her since i was in 12th grade of highschool and we gotten close since then. She’s 4 years younger than me, she’s on the 8th grade (i know this is a large age gap for our age). When we were close that time we texted everyday for 4 months straight until the day i confess my feelings to her but she rejected. Stating that she doesnt wanna be in relationship and regard everyone as her “friend” only. And we lost contact since then but separate on friendly terms.

    A few months later, at the start of my early university days (my uni is 45 mins away by boat from my city) i felt lonely and still hoping that she would text me again (because she’s the first girl who’s interested in me). Until the day of my birthday she texted and wishes me a happy birthday. And i said to her that we havent text in a while, then started chatting again. With me opening all the convos, until she said “we’re only friends right?” And i said “yes” with the hope that if we keep texting her everyday that she’ll change her mind.

    We still text each other everyday for two years straight, and i know her daily routine everyday. I’m in my second year of my uni and she’s in the 10th grade. And i’m still single. I still hope that she’ll text me always till she attends university and date me. But it’s quite long as she needs 3 years for that.

    Lately i feel insecure that i keep texting her, I always wanna try finding another girl but i keep having thoughts that she’s the one because she texts me everyday even though she only regard me as her best friend. Everytime she post a selfie on her instagram story i felt insecure that some boys might text her and snatch her away from me.

    Idk what i should do, i would definitely feel sad if i let go of her because i’m not sure if i’ll find a girl who wanna text me everyday like her. Especially when i’m short (5’5) and not good looking.

     

    #301921

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    Regarding height: there are plenty of men who are 5’5′) who have girlfriends, and so can you.

    A 5’5” man is quite tall for a 5′ woman.

    But then, a 5′ woman may consider a 5’5” man too short for her and would like a taller man. On the other hand, a 5’7” woman may be fine with a 5’5” man.

    Regarding good looks: there are plenty of men who are not physically attractive in the eyes of many women, but are attractive in the eyes of a few. And if you are a monogamous man.. you only need one, one woman who thinks you are attractive. I assure you, this one woman exists.

    Regarding this 10th grader girl you’ve been interested in for so long: she gave you a clear indication that she is interested in you only as a friend on more than one occasion. She has never given you any indication that she is or will be interested in you as a boyfriend. You’ve been waiting for her to change her mind. Unfortunately for you, this waiting is quite futile because it is not based on any encouraging evidence. It is not as if she indicated to you that she is interested in you as a boyfriend, and that her parents are against her having a boyfriend until she goes to University.

    I am thinking that if she was attracted to you as a potential boyfriend, that she would have said something by now, in all the many communications to you, to indicate such attraction.

    I think it is time to no longer “keep pursuing her”, and instead, to “let her go”. And then, look around you, look at the young women who attend university with you, maybe one of them is available, willing.. a young woman you will find attractive and who will find you attractive. And remember, attraction is not all about the physical, a smile can be attractive, kindness is attractive, confidence… carrying oneself with confidence is attractive.

    I hope to read more from you.

    anita

    #301927

    Valora
    Participant

    Hi, how old is she right now? You said she’s in the 10th grade, so she must be younger than 18. Aside from the fact that she’s given you very clear indication that she only thinks of you as a friend, I think the fact that she is under 18 and you are 4 years older is a big deal.  The age gap tends to close as people get older, but that big of an age difference when one of the two is under 18 should be a deal breaker.

    So I say, yes, definitely a good idea to move on and find someone else closer to your age to date, who is also clearly showing interest in dating you.  You are sort of hitching your hopes to this one girl as being your one only because she talks to you often, but I think it would be good for you to realize that she isn’t really yours to “snatch away,” she will eventually find someone else to date and you’ll have to be okay with that if you want to continue a friendship while also being okay with it being JUST a friendship (with no guarantee of her ever changing her mind on that) as many girls can be friendly and talk to a guy every day without ever wanting to date them. I have lots of guy friends that I have known for decades that I talk to and hang out with often but have had absolutely no interest in anything other than friendship. It sounds like this girl feels the same about you.

    #302355

    hello there
    Participant

    You are an adult. She is a child.  She is a child who has made it clear that you are friends, not intimates. She is not an object to be ‘let go’ or to be pursued in a predatory way.
    I suggest that throughout life you decide what sort of a human you want to be and develop your interests, personality etc to become that person. It is a lifelong process. Along the way you will develop friends and some may choose to become intimate friends. Sexual attraction will occur a LOT more often for all but the asexual, but as a considered and considerate adult you will realise that and learn to be interested in the other individual(s) before discussing whether you both want to progress to sexual intimacy.
    She sounds like a thoughtful teen and you can continue to treasure your friendship whilst it remains mutually pleasurable.

     

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