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Should I reach out to him once more?

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #321547

    lir66
    Participant

    I met a guy a couple of months ago he pursued me we started dating and had really really strong chemistry and lots in common. I would go as far as saying it’s the most compatibility I’ve felt in a long time and I’ve been single for 6 years and so has he. It was a little bit mixed so I let him take the lead but when I was in his company the dates lasted for at least 6 hours and time flew by without either of us noticing. He kept saying he’d never felt so relaxed in anyone’s company for a long time and the last time I saw him he said it was a perfect day for him. But during the last date we were talking about relationships that hadn’t worked out he’s 47 and I’m 43 and he was saying he’s very guarded and needs to go at a snails pace so I asked him if he felt ready for a relationship and he said yes and that he would live with someone again. Then basically at the end of the date I said when are we seeing each other again and he responded with can we play it by ear. So the next day I decided to message him saying have a good week then take a step back. He responded etc then radio silence for 4 days so I messaged saying I was feeling like it was more casual for him and he responded saying he doesn’t think he’s ready for a relationship and he needs to sort his head out and the timing just isn’t quite right for him but he thinks there might be a chance for us further down the line. So I replied saying it sounds like you have stuff to figure out and you need to be on your own to do that and I would only want you to be happy but that I needed someone who was in it. He replied and there was a bit of chat. I just can’t help feeling like I rushed him. I want to wait a few weeks and reach out to him saying I feel like it was going too fast could we start over as friends for the time being but I don’t know if I just clutching at straws. Part of me wants to know with certainty that I should just move on now or not but the other part of me wants to see if he’ll get in touch but then maybe I’ll just end up living in hope. He’s very stressed at work and I think is just in a pattern of being on his own and only giving a shit about work. He’s a genuinely nice guy and I just feel like it had so much potential I’m so disappointed. Any advice welcome.

    #321559

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lisa:

    Reads like when the two of you started talking about past relationships that didn’t work and about the future of the new relationship between the two of you, that he was shaken out of his relaxation and perfect-day feeling (“He kept saying he’d never felt so relaxed.. it was a perfect day for him”).

    “he was saying he’s very guarded and needs to go at a snails pace so I asked him if he felt ready for a relationship”- what he told you (italicized) means he is ready for a snail-pace relationship, one where you “play it by ear”. You messaged him, he felt pressured by you and went “radio silence for 4 days”. You messaged him again, he felt more pressured and decided to go radio silenced permanently.

    “I just can’t help feeling like I rushed him”- you did rush him. But were you able then or will you be able in a few weeks to go as slow as a snail? (Not a lot of people are able to do a relationship that slow, snail pace).

    anita

     

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