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Should I walk away? Stuck with no idea

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  • April 8, 2014 at 11:32 pm #54525
    Belle
    Participant

    Recently me and my best friend of 4 years started dating. This was after 3 years of him pursuing me and me not being interested due to my ex partner passing away. Eventually at new years I decided to give it a try and we started dating. 3 weeks later he broke up with me out of no where with his only reasoning being that I did not meet his expectations and it wasn’t working.

    It has now nearly been 3 months since we broke up, he at first asked for space but yo yo’d back to me a few times after the break up only to wake up and tell me it was a mistake. He said we can not be friends because of the way he feels about me and he can not see me. He has been completely horrible to me through this entire ordeal and it hurts so much that a friend of 4 years could treat me the way he has through this. He has called me names, said some horrible things, abandoned me, kicked me while i was down and played with my feelings by coming back and leaving again.

    Now after 3 months and a lot of arguments and phone calls he says we are “friends” but he will not see me and rarely talks to me. I have asked if we can catch up and he says we can, makes loose plans then never follows them up or locks anything in. One minute he is nice and we get along and the next he doesn’t want me in his life and is avoiding me.

    I want so badly to make this friendship work as he is a very dear friend and was there for me a lot when my ex partner took his life. We have been best friends since the moment we met and were extremely close so I want to try and fix this however I feel like maybe he is not telling me the truth when he says he does want to be friends again.

    what do I do? do I continue to give him time and try to work through this? do I walk away and just let things go? I want so badly to have him in my life again (not romantically as I do not have those feelings for him) as he was such a big part of my life for so long but I feel like maybe I am wasting my time.. any advice on this situation will really help me

    Christie

    April 9, 2014 at 4:14 am #54532
    Will
    Participant

    Aw, man! What a horrible situation to be in.

    The unkind way to look at it is that he was friends with you only in the hopes of getting into your pants, and then when he was there he decided that’s not what he wanted and bailed. That is sucky behaviour on his part, and maybe you’re better off getting rid of him.

    On the other hand, he sounds kind of troubled. Why would you pursue someone for years, and then drop them? Either he doesn’t know his own heart, which must be painful to realise, or he’s been crushingly disappointed in something he’d built up as the shining super-special one thing he needed to make his life complete. He may need some time to get over you, and perhaps you can be friends after a few months or a year of being at a distance.

    On balance though: you “did not meet his expectations”? What, like that’s your fault? He sounds like a ass. It’s sad to lose a friend, but I think he might not be a friend worth having.

    April 9, 2014 at 4:57 pm #54568
    Belle
    Participant

    I think you might be right Will, it is such a hard situation but i am starting to realise all contact is always initiated by me. He never contacts me or makes an effort to try and keep me in his life… maybe I should stop and see if he even notices I am gone.

    I have never lost a friend like this before, it is such a horrible experience. But i am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so I will try my best to see the lesson in this situation

    thanks Will

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