Its sounds like you’re depressed and or experiencing an existential issue… (Which comes first the chicken or the egg) It also sounds like you have lost touch with your sense of self (boundaries of who you are)

I’ve been there and wish I had a magic answer.

One thing people are going to tell you is that you just have to get up and do something. Don’t overthink it just do it. They are correct, change will require you to get up and do something, however that’s kind of like asking a man with broken legs to just get up and run.

You will need some space to heal

If you can afford it I might recommend professional help. A third party to talk to without worry about judgments so that you have a space where you can hear yourself and perhaps understand what is happening.

There are also a lot of books about creating healthy boundaries that might help you get started.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where i end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Peter.

Dear Alex,

It looks from what you have written that you are stressed out and there are overwhelming feelings and causing issues as a result of them.

I want to straight-away suggest you something practical.

For chronic mental fatigue I recommend you the Alternate Nostril breathing technique posted on the below link.
(http://tinybuddha.com/topic/relaxation-meditation-techniques/#post-114812)
The 7-11 Breathing Technique is also effective when you are feeling overwhelmed and you can also feel free to try that too.

Please do them diligently especially before you sit through looking for openings and going through the procedure of submitting resumes. A daily morning practice or before going to bed is the best.

Sometimes that does happen – “getting psychologically tired”, but trust me it will be temporary.
The children’s energies are way much higher than the parents and both these energies could never match. You are already doing all that you can from what you have mentioned. You are being a nice mother. While writing this I came across a quote on TinyBuddha and it is apt for your situation since you are already doing your best.
Here is the image:
(http://tinybuddha.com/fun-and-inspiring/go-easy-on-yourself/)

Even if they are not babies anymore they are still not adults yet. They are still children and are going to throw tantrums. If children do not do that then it doesn’t sound mature when an adult does that (though some adults do that 🙂 )
Even the Oxford meaning of tantrum says that it is typically done by a young child and the example below says that they do it when things don’t go their way.
(https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/tantrum)

The earlier breathing exercises were for relaxation and now I want to suggest you something practical for gaining energy and it is done by a simple hand gesture called Prana mudra.
Prana means energy or life and that is what you need at this moment and you will get it by doing this mudra (hand gesture).

Prana mudra stimulate the root chakra, which creates a vibration within, that awakens and energizes the body.
Prana Mudra is said to generate and redirect life energy. This life energy is the energy that animates the living being . It redirects this life to the parts where it is most needed. It also gives vitality to the body and eliminates fatigue and even nervousness along with other benefits.

Instructions on doing the mudra:
1) Practice it with both hands.
2) Tips of ring and little finger to be joined with the tip of thumb.
3) All other fingers should be stretched straight.

That’s all. You can do this while doing any other activity when your hands are free, for eg; while watching the TV, even while waiting in a queue and even while talking to someone.
But if you have a straight thirty minutes of regular practice in the morning then that would be highly beneficial. And then you can do intermittently as and when during the day.

It will also help you in your anger and irritability issues.

Note that Prana Mudra is called Elixir of Life. An image is shown here although if you do an Image Search it is available all over the web.
(http://mrinalkantipal.blogspot.in/2012/12/pran-mudra-elixir-of-life.html)

“I haven’t started working yet, but I’m already (psychologically) tired.”
If you have the tiredness and mental fatigue even before joining a job, then put a “Pause” on your job hunting for a while
until you get back on track. How? By doing the alternate nostril breathing and by doing Pran mudra as and when, I am sure you will regain your lost strength and everything in life will fall back in place including your relationship with your husband which is nothing but only due to things like stress, fatigue, tiredness, etc.

Take Care,
VJ

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by VJ.

“One could start just by taking a few minutes out of every day to sit quietly and do nothing, letting what moves one rise to the surface. One could take a few days out of every season to go on retreat or enjoy a long walk in the wilderness, recalling what lies deeper than the moment or the self. One could even try to find a life in which stage sets and performances disappear and one is reminded, at a level deeper than all words, how making a living and making a life sometimes point in opposite directions.”

“Going nowhere isn’t about turning your back on the world; it’s about stepping away now and then so that you can see the world more clearly and love it more deeply. ”
― Pico Iyer, The Art of Stillness: Adventures in Going Nowhere

Perhaps a place to start is to take a few minutes every day for yourself to be still and allow the mind to rest.
Creating such a time for yourself will require you to practice creating boundaries as well as space to heal those ”broken legs”.

At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement.
And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.
T.S Eliot

Dear Alex,

It sounds like there are many “shoulds” going through your mind: my kids “should” be happier, I “should” be more easily employable, I “should” be more patient with my kids…Perhaps it would be helpful for you to try and go into a mindset of putting less pressure on yourself; putting too much pressure/expectations on oneself takes a toll on the mind and body. Try telling yourself that you are doing the best you can in your given situation and it’s o.k. for the outcome to be not so perfect. I myself have two children and trust me we all lose patience at times. From what you wrote I think your kids also receive alot of love and attention from you, so focus on all the positive you are giving them and try not to add more pressure on yourself by feeling guilty for moments when you are less patient.

I definately agree with everyone who answered advising you to take moments to breathe. Meditation and breathing can really help with calming the mind and feeling less anxious. Also, I believe when we feel depleted of our energy, alot of it has to do with how we approach situations, with what attitude. If you feel resistance or resentment for exemple, in the long run those feelings are very draining. By choosing to change your perception of a given situation, you can nourish more positive feelings and regain more energy.

You have put yourself aside alot for your kids and husband. Take time for yourself, be kind to yourself and be confident that things will get better.

Take care!