May 15, 2013 at 8:52 am #35623
Hi all. I’m sorry that this is my first post is this but *sigh* I’m burnt out.
I feel like I need to be in a relationship when I know it isn’t true. I put too much pressure on myself about everything with out realizing it and it just leaves me angry and depressed.
I’m always told that I have to love myself first but I have tried and it doesn’t seem to work. When stuff happens, I guess there is something just in the back of my mind that says “I told you so. You’re a failure and you will never find a guy to love you.” I have no idea how to fix this so I stop thinking I need someone and stop hurting myself physically and emotionally. I’ve been to doctors and have tried medication. Just doesn’t help.
I’m starting to feel that I should just become emotionally numb so I don’t have to deal with anything anymore. I’m tired of hoping for things to change when they don’t and trying just leaves me exhausted and more upset when I fail.
Any advice? Thanks for reading.May 15, 2013 at 9:52 am #35628mindtwister24Participant
I think you are exactly at the same point where I used to be years ago.even i used to run behind girls,I wanted to be in a relationship,becuz every one in my friend circle was dating some one,and i was the only guy who was single. I started believing that may I am not good enough,may be I don’t deserve to be loved by some one,may be I am the one who is at fault and i started cursing my self,my destiny and was surrounded by all sort of negative things.Then i stopped running and waited for my time.mean while i worked on my self,spent time on only me and made my self a better guy.but let me tell you one thing,being in a relationship with some one,does not define whether you are a failure or you are successful. success or failure has got nothing to do your with relationship status.you just need to wait for your time.if something is meant for you,then it will be yours(sooner or later).and if you keep on running behind things that is not meant for you,you wont ever get them,and ultimately you will start cursing your self,your destiny and will start hating your self,will be carried away by negative thoughts.and one more thing,when you show it to others that you are so much desperate to be in a relationship,then you become vulnerable and any one can take an advantage of your true feelings.ultimately you will be hurt,broken,and will have to live rest of your life with such a bad experience.
my advise to you is..just wait for you day.meanwhile just work on your self,stay alive,stay happy and make your self a better person,so that when you meet your Mr.right someday,somewhere,he says..”Yes.she is the one,i have been looking for”…
best of luck 🙂May 15, 2013 at 3:41 pm #35653NathalieParticipant
I know the feeling you are having and I also know so many wonderful women out there have the same feeling about themselves as you. First of all I would like to tell you that you are a wonderful and beautiful person and deserve honest and true love in your life. This is a fact and this is what you should think about yourself and repeat that every morning when you wake up! 🙂 I’m doing it myself and it works, it makes me feel more relaxed when it comes to relationships and makes me feel positive about myself. It seems that I cannot find the right one and every time I meet someone new it just goes in a bad and deceiving way. But what I realized is that through my bad perceiption of myself I attracted those situations in my life that would just confirm what I was already thinking. If I look back now and realistically look at the guys I chose, I can see that it was not meant to be from the beginning. It is really true that you are what you think you are and therefore attract exactly what will resonate with that thought or believe.
I am still not in a relationship, but I know feel fine about it, because I learned how to love myself just the way I am and that begins with treating myself with respect and to don’t allow anyone to do me no harm, to say no if it is needed and to release persons of my life who are not positive for me. It is not easy in the beginning but with time you will feel that you are free, when you clean up your life from negativity, from wherever it comes from and speak up for yourself; Try to indentify if you are acting in the way you want to act or if you are doing things that are expected from you. These are the steps to give love to yourself, treat yourself well just the way you want to be treated, don’t accept things that don’t feel right just for the sake of beeing with someone and you will see the more self respect you build up, the more self confidence will shine through you and will attract different kind of people and experiences and the negative voices in your head will stop. These voices are not you! They can come from former situations where we were hurt. I went to a healing session where we tryed to find out where these negative voices inside of me came from and the thing is to try to remember where we first had that feeling, try to remember who gave us that feeling in the first place and to forgive and release it. I’m not a fan of medication because it does not treat the root problem and what worked for me was to beeing able to talk to someone trained in Theta Healing, so I could release it and stop the program that was running inside of me.
But it always starts with changing your thoughts. Imagine the perfect love situation , in all details and how it feels to be truly loved and feel secure. Repeat that as often as you can and also don’t forget to feel thankful for that as well, just as if it is already there. What I did was also to have a little corner in my room where I burn a candle every night and to feel thankful for all that is positive in my life and for that love that will come my way and to send a mental message to the one that I am ready to meet him and give him my love. Paint a picture, put a photograph on your wall, write a song or a poem about it…Whatever helps you to visualize it , just do it! 🙂
If you like you can buy yourself a rose quartz, which is a very gentle healing crystal that will help heal wounds of your heart and let go of negativity.
I wish you all the best and that love shines on your way ! You can get there! if you don’t believe in yourself , who else will do then? 🙂
NamasteMay 15, 2013 at 9:09 pm #35668deannaParticipant
i feel like i’m also sick of feeling a certain way. I’m an eighteen year old who feels like she is discouraged about everything. Graduation is coming up and I just don’t feel excited about it. All my life, I have felt insecure about everything, my physical being and my personality. People would tell me I’m awkward or weird and I have a hard time just making friends in general. I have always been told that I needed to lose weight by my own family and how fat I am and just about my flaws such as how I am selfish or think about myself too much. I’m trying to be positive but i just feel like something is always going to pull me down into a depressed state. I am also going into a college where I don’t feel like I belong because everyone has already made friends or formed their “cliques”. I just feel so discouraged about everything and I need help???May 16, 2013 at 6:06 am #35694
Thank you mindtwister and Nathalie. I know logically what you are saying is true and makes sense but my emotions feel the opposite: I cannot wait, you are nothing now, etc. I know logically things take time but its hard when things around are going fast and great for everyone else but for me it stays the same.
Deanna, I’m in my late 20s and I still feel awkward, weird, insecure and have a hard time making friends =/
I am sorry that your family is treating you that way. Maybe you can tell them to back off?May 16, 2013 at 8:30 am #35697NathalieParticipant
That really sound that you are stuck in a negative mind pattern. I got really inspired by Louise Hay and working with affirmations reallly changed my life, maybe that can help you too 🙂 Louise Hay, you can find a movie and videos about self love and creating the change on the internet. Good luck! 🙂May 16, 2013 at 1:17 pm #35715
I’ve tried affirmations before and they do help. My problem is sticking with something =/
But I will give her a listen and try again. I’m tired of these feelings.
Thank you for adding this, Nathalie.May 16, 2013 at 1:36 pm #35716SamanthaParticipant
Hi bonnie, i too have felt this way re wanting to be in a relationship and it really gets me down sometimes. But ive decided enough is enough i need to make some changes within myself. Ive had low self esteem issues for years now and im a great believer that in some way i have been attracting the wrong kinda guys in my life i.e i always meet guys that arent ready for commitment. I believe more and more on a sub concious level that becausr ive not had much luck with relationships that i am attracting men who arent emotionally available. And then when it happens i just think well i knew that happen etc.
Its made me realise insecurities within myself and i need to fix them which im trying to do now. I reckon it will be a long process but im going to do my best and stick at it because how can anyone else love you if you dont even love yourself.
I hope with all the feedback you have received from my self and others you can take it all in and move forward. Remember you are not alone and many people i bet feel this way too just like you and me.
Sending you my love and lots of positive energy.
Sam xMay 16, 2013 at 3:23 pm #35724NicoParticipant
I’m 37. And I spent most of my life feeling sick of feeling this way – insecure, a loser, a failure, unworthy of being loved. This is in spite of a very successful career, buying my house independently, having made lots of friends and looking back, a very good life. Do you know what made me not feel like a failure anymore? Losing all of it, ironically! I got made redundant, I had to rent out the house, and start up a whole new life abroad, where I am building a business from scratch. And I don’t have friends anymore, but I can’t wait for the business to get going. See something blossom.
I realized that all my insecurities were actually just a product of the environment I was living in. And because I threw myself into work, social life, and underlying memories of a horrible childhood, I never took time out for myself to just be who I would like to be without the frame of reference. No matter how much your family and friends and work colleagues care about you, you have to realize that they are always comparing you to themselves or other people. It’s a stupid thing we do that ruins all the fun stuff – just being able to accept who we are and accept others for who they are too.
So suddenly my old life went – and where I was once colleague, I am now just acquaintance. Where I was once just ex-girlfriend/good friend, I am now off in the distance. And all the insecurities I had I realized were just framed by what other people thought of me. But once their opinions were no longer relevant, neither were my insecurities.
As we get older, the luckier among us get to grips with the fact that what other people think of you is none of your business. All it means to be human is to feel good about yourself, and do your damndest to make others feel good about themselves. That’s it. Stay away from those who make you feel even subtly insecure – because they are just using you to make themselves feel good about themselves. It’s a silly game really, but once you can see how people play it, you realize you don’t need to play it anymore. Wear the clothes YOU feel comfortable in. Do the activities YOU like doing. Know yourself inside out – know the kinds of things that make YOU smile and feel secure, and in time, you will attract the sort of people who believe in you as much as you believe in yourself. It’s taken me 37 years to realize this, but I’m lucky.
It takes a little audacity to decide to be happy with yourself. For me, it felt a bit ridiculous at first. I even felt guilty! Get over those awkward feelings of being able to be happy with yourself, and you’ll be alright. You’ll see other people more clearly. You’ll like people a lot more, because you’ll know they’re just insecure too!May 17, 2013 at 7:37 am #35793
I can relate to a lot of what you said. The long process part bugs me but I suppose I just have to make it an enjoyable one. I wish you luck with improving yourself Samantha! Thank you for sharing.
Nico, the part where you say “It takes a little audacity to decide to be happy with yourself” makes a lot of sense. If I stay timid all the time and I don’t like being timid, just….doesn’t help being happy. I should be bold about being happy regardless of others =) Thanks for telling your story.