Forum Replies Created
May 16, 2013 at 11:35 pm #35787
you did the right thing.respect is the most important thing in any relationship.If you are not happy in a relationship,you cant keep your partner happy and there is no point in staying in a relationship with some one,keep on insulting her or getting insulted by her for no reasons.and don’t think that you are a horrible person or something.you did the right thing by being true to your self and to her.
All the best 🙂May 16, 2013 at 9:37 am #35703
well I think you are getting addicted to that girl.you got involved with her to fill the empty space that was developed in your life when you had divorce.what started as a sexual adventure,gradually changed in to a need.may be you think of her as some one,who is very close to you,understands you,and you feel comfortable with her.what i think is,you don’t want to be in a relationship with her,may be because of the past experiences of your marriage, or your are yet not ready for a commitment,because commitments and serious relationship come with responsibilities. but when you see your self being avoided,or when you see that she is not giving you any attentions,you get insecure.insecurity arises only when we have a fear of loosing something.but you both are not in a relationship,so there is a possibility,that some day she might move with some body else because she is not bound with you.what you gonna do then?there is no definition or strict parameters to decide whether you are in love with some one or not.may be you are falling in love with her,but not able see it because of what all you had been through or may be you are not willing to take responsibilities of a serious relationship.
My advise to you ask her,what exactly she feels for you?does she love you?or she is just happy with what ever is going on between you and her?if she says she loves you,then I think its is time for you to decide what is to be done next?and then be honest to your self and to her. try to evaluate what position does she hold in your life?and try to find out in,if its love,or friendship or just some kind of physical attraction.whatever you decide,just think about your present and future,just forget you past now.may be you love her,but not able to feel it because of your past experiences and by the time you realize its already late.
In case if she says no she dose not love you,and is just happy with what ever going on and happy to carry on like this as long as she can,then in that case don’t make your self emotionally dependent on her,becuz she might be gone someday and you will be left alone. In fact If in near future,if you see that are falling for her,but she is just happy to keep it in the same way,as it has been going on,then in that case,i would advise to distant your self from her,because in future when she will be gone,then it will be very tough for you to deal with it.
All the best, 🙂May 16, 2013 at 12:30 am #35680
and to be honest,it sound kinda funny..I mean,we both are going through tough time,post break up consequences,everything is so messed up,but we are consoling each other,advising each other..sharing experiences 🙂May 15, 2013 at 11:46 pm #35679
see,i think your situation is some what similar to mine.my ex girlfriend did something once,then made promises that she wont do that ever again,and then did that again and again.I forgave her with a hope that she wont do that again,but she did.ultimately I found my self as a victim of the love i had for her.there is nothing worse then seeing your self being humiliated for no reasons.Its better being alone.rather than being abused on the name of love.now when I am not with my ex girlfriend,i often ask myself a question..”how did i let that happen to me..??
you have written that your guy has abused you 4 times in the past 6 months and he has been drinking despite of repeated promises.so now it is the time for you to decide,but before taking any decision just evaluate every thing,whether there is any scope/hope of improvement??because post break up consequences are very hard to deal with.and even if you stay with him…will you be able to accept him with all those things?will you be able to love him and,respect him after being treated like this?..so think very carefully and just decide for your self.
TcMay 15, 2013 at 11:29 pm #35678
see its not like I never told her about what all she was doing.its just she started taking things for granted,made this habit of repeating her mistakes again and again,then apologies. but i used to forgive her every time,why ,just because I did not want to loose her.and i thought she will grow up with time.but that never happened.besides, she broke my trust when she got a chance.and when i got to know,that i was left with no reasons to love her.leaving her was never easy for me,even today there is hardly a moment,when I don’t think of her.but I am full of anger,frustration and at times,i feel letting it out on her,but I don’t want to that.i don’t wan’t to kill the human in me or in her,so best thing I have found is to distant my self from her,leaving her busy in her life and keeping my self busy in mineMay 15, 2013 at 10:49 am #35629
See,its good to be possessive in a relation,because if you don’t show any kind of possessiveness then there is a possibility that the other person might start feeling that my partner dose not care.but over possessiveness is harmful.no body wants to prove himself/herself again and again.no body wants to stand on toes all the time.we all our humans,so apart from being in a relation,we all have our lives too.some space has to be there,where a person can maintain his/her Individuality and the problem arises,when there is a conflict between the two(own life and life with the partner).Initially may be the signs are not visible,but ultimately it comes out and by the time we realize it,its too late.
you need to ask your self that why do you find it so difficult to trust him???had there been any Instances when he cheated on you?if yes then your behaviour of being insecure makes some sense.but if no,then i don’t see any reason to get jealous or to feel insecurity.you need to maintain some space between him and you so that you both can live your Individual lives as well.respect his individuality and let him be what he his. don’t ask him to prove his love or his loyalty for you again and again.
Its really important in any relationship to let the other person miss you.If you make your self available for your partner round the clock,then I wont say its bad,but the other person should also feel your absence at times,because then only your partner can realize the importance of your Presence.May 15, 2013 at 9:52 am #35628
I think you are exactly at the same point where I used to be years ago.even i used to run behind girls,I wanted to be in a relationship,becuz every one in my friend circle was dating some one,and i was the only guy who was single. I started believing that may I am not good enough,may be I don’t deserve to be loved by some one,may be I am the one who is at fault and i started cursing my self,my destiny and was surrounded by all sort of negative things.Then i stopped running and waited for my time.mean while i worked on my self,spent time on only me and made my self a better guy.but let me tell you one thing,being in a relationship with some one,does not define whether you are a failure or you are successful. success or failure has got nothing to do your with relationship status.you just need to wait for your time.if something is meant for you,then it will be yours(sooner or later).and if you keep on running behind things that is not meant for you,you wont ever get them,and ultimately you will start cursing your self,your destiny and will start hating your self,will be carried away by negative thoughts.and one more thing,when you show it to others that you are so much desperate to be in a relationship,then you become vulnerable and any one can take an advantage of your true feelings.ultimately you will be hurt,broken,and will have to live rest of your life with such a bad experience.
my advise to you is..just wait for you day.meanwhile just work on your self,stay alive,stay happy and make your self a better person,so that when you meet your Mr.right someday,somewhere,he says..”Yes.she is the one,i have been looking for”…
best of luck 🙂May 15, 2013 at 9:23 am #35625
Hi Mick,thank you for your time.
Ya that is true,I used to have low self esteem.sometimes I feel that the problem with me was I could not be rude to some one.I mean,i was like,if there is some one,who means something to me…if he or she disrespects me even for no reasons,I used to take everything on me,never replied them back,not because I could not,but because I did not want to loose them over silly things or did not want to create any differences with them over such things.I used to think,let them realize their mistake,I used to forgive them every time.My ex girlfriend knew this.she did every thing that she should not have done at first place,and I forgave her every time,just because I did not want to loose her.and if I talk about my family,I am the only child of my parents,I grew up under good conditions,and I am thankful to God for this… I am not angry with my Ex-girlfriend,but i am hurt after see her double faced character.she did every thing,that I had never expected from her.and ultimately I am the one who had to go through all that pain,and that too for no such mistakes of mine’s.and honestly speaking,I don’t think that I am not good enough.there are people i know,who say that I am good guy,can be a good husband,my family believes that i am a good son,and at work my bosses are happy.even a very good friend of mine approached me for a relation,but i told her that I am not ready yet for a relation…its just I am very hurt,and have not been able to accept what all I got in return.May 15, 2013 at 8:55 am #35624
Thank you for your time.if i talk about my childhood,it was great.being the only child,I parents gave me everything I ever asked for.and i grew up in a family where i got love and care…my ex girlfriend could knew the difference between me and other guys,and its like she knew where to strike.but i know I made certain mistakes after breaking up. I started avoiding my friends,isolated my self.but now I have accepted that all over with her.I am yet not ready for another relation,but I am trying to best distract my self and not to think of her(to be honest,i am finding it very hard),but i am doing every thing I can.May 15, 2013 at 4:58 am #35619
All the best!!May 15, 2013 at 4:55 am #35618
See,breaking up is the last step of ending a relation with some one,when all the doors are closed and no hopes are left.I tell you,its never easy to leave your partner after being with them for such a long time,and post break up experiences are something,that hurt a lot. No matter who did what,who was right and who was wrong.its a loss for both.
Respect is the most important factor in any relationship.if you love some one,but cant respect him or her,then things are not gonna work.its my personal experience. I had a break up after 3 long years of a relationship,because my ex girlfriend insulted me,started taking things for granted.Anyways,in your case as you have written,that the guy is generally kind,caring and loving,however, he abused you and humiliated you when he was drunk,then in that case if you are sure that he not going to repeat this again,then you should reconsider your thought of leaving him.I know people do mistakes,but it can be forgiven if and only if, you think it was a mistake and will not be repeated.but if your guy has a habit of doing this every time,he gets drunk then in that case it is the time for you to move on and let him realize what he has lost.If something happens once,it can be forgiven as a mistake.but if the other person keeps on doing the same thing again and again,then its a habit. Physical abuse or verbal abuse are unacceptable and if you have been abused by him again and again,the it is the time for you to move on.Don’t become a victim of your blind love for him.
and don’t think that you cant fall in love with somebody else,just because you had some bad experiences in your past.i know its really easy for others to say,but change is the ultimate truth and life never stops it self.i know it takes time,you just have to live with an open heart,you just need to give your self some time.you never know what life has for you.I read some where ““Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for the gift.”