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Sinking in to depression

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  • August 12, 2020 at 5:44 am #364525
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    So this is hard for me, but here goes. I’m finding myself in a Deep Black hole and I don’t know how to get out of it. A bit about me. I’m a 30 year old woman who have struggled with severe anxiety, depression and stress starting at the age of 7. I’ve experienced bulling, psychical and mental abuse, emotional blackmail and gaslighting. I’ve been in a constant battle of trying to keep my head above water as well as others, because if I don’t give my all they tell me that I’m selfish. The thing that is now sent me into another depression is what has happened because of Covid 19. For the past 16 months I’ve lived abroad in London (one of my biggest dreams) I had the best job I’ve ever had, amazing collegues, friends, my own place, and a change of romance. But all of that has gone due to Covid, I’m now unemployed, no friends, back living with my parents in my native country. I have lost almost everything that I have worked on so hard for years and years.  The thought of this breaks my heart. For the first time in my life I started feeling like a normal person, and now I’m back to Square one. I don’t have anyone to talk to, they tell me to just think about something else. I’m completely exhausted, I don’t mind that I have to fight harder than others but doing so and never actually succeeding. I don’t know how to keep on fighting when life keeps knocking me down.

    1)How can I stay motivated and keep fighting when I keep failing?

    2) How do I cope with the jealousy?  My friends and collegues still have a job, and are meeting up with each other in London? When I am at home far away from anybody.

    3) How do I stop comparing myself to others? Everybody a know at home are pregnant, buying house and sportscars, completely uneffected by Covid?

    Sorry for the long post. My head is a complete mess and I don’t know what to do.

     

    August 12, 2020 at 6:43 am #364532
    Karene
    Participant

    Hi,

    I know what it feels like to feel you are missing out. Im not one at the moment to give total advice but i have found that being kind to yourself and starting from there, building on self care is what has worked for me in the past.

    If you put your blinkers on and run your own race so to speak as everybody is different and fill yourself up with self love, work on yourself again and know that hardships only make you emotionally and physically stronger. Take care

    August 12, 2020 at 10:56 am #364556
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katrine Nielsen:

    You shared that you “have struggled with severe anxiety, depression and stress at the age of 7”, experiencing various forms of abuse. One of your biggest dreams was to move abroad to London.

    At about 29, sixteen months ago, about April 2019, you moved to London, had the best job you ever had, amazing colleagues, friends, your own place and romance, and “for the first time in my life I started feeling like a normal person”.

    But “all that has gone due to Covid”.Now, at 30, you are now back living with your parents in your native country, unemployed, have no friends, “back to Square one”, “in a Deep Black hole”, “Sinking in to depression”.

    “I don’t know how to keep on fighting when life keeps knocking me down”, you wrote – this reminds me of a simple observation I made long ago regarding ants- how they immediately start rebuilding their nest the moment it gets destroyed. In nature, animals don’t hesitate when what they worked on for so long gets destroyed, they immediately rebuild. What if we adopted this natural, instinctive wisdom?

    You asked: “How can I stay motivated and keep fighting when I keep failing?”- accept failure best you can. The world is full of   failures, everywhere- in governments (corruption and dysfunction), in hospitals (ex. medical malpractice), in businesses (failed investments, going out of business), in relationships (divorces), in the kitchen (burning a pie), etc., etc. etc. Everyone fails.

    “How do I cope with the jealousy? My friends and colleagues still have a job, and are meeting up with each other in London? When I am at home far away from anybody”?- they currently have a job,  good thing, but they may be failing in their romantic relationships, or their health is failing.. I  hope not. But everyone fails in one area or the other, at one time or another.

    Do the best with the life that is available to you now. Maybe doing your best right now is to plan to go back to London and do what it takes to get there.

    “How do I stop comparing myself to others? Everybody I know .. are pregnant, buying house and sportscars, completely unaffected by Covid?”- no one is unaffected by Covid. But regarding comparing- instead of stopping to compare, compare yourself to others more thoroughly. For example: when you compare yourself to a woman who is pregnant factor in the fact that you don’t have to worry about bringing new life into a pandemic world. See the bigger picture.

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by .
    August 13, 2020 at 2:23 am #364661
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Karene

    Thanks for your reply. That is a really good idea, I’ll try to start and be nicer to myself instead instead of constantly banging myself over the head. Thats probably a good way to start.

     

    August 13, 2020 at 2:28 am #364662
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Thanks for your reply. I’ll try and shift focus to where it can be useful rather than wearing myself out. And try to look at the bigger picture. It’s hard but practise makes perfect, sometimes I’m doing it and I’m not even aeare of it.

    August 13, 2020 at 6:24 am #364673
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katrine Nielsen:

    You are welcome. In addition to what I suggested, you will probably benefit from regularly listening to guided meditations, such as Mark William’s series of mindful guided meditations, available for free online.  When depressed and unemployed it is a good idea to plan a daily routine that works for you, a structure you can depend on, which will include listening to guided meditations (perhaps first thing in the morning and last thing before bedtime), daily exercise, researching what you need to research regarding your next plans, etc.

    Feel free to post here anytime, and I will be glad to read from you and respond.

    anita

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