So Lonely

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This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 8 months ago by Ryan Viola.

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February 28, 2014 at 3:34 am #51986

Kim
Participant

I am sat at home feeling so alone. Had arranged a while back to go shopping with someone, but I asked if we could do something else (and gave the reasons for this) and didnt hear back from her…this isnt the first time its happened and she isnt the only person to cancel or not get back to me.

I dont really have many friends…the only people I see regularly are my colleagues.

I would see myself as a caring and considerate friend who would do pretty much anything to support them. But I also suffer with depression and anxiety which affects my life – and slowly people have just disappeared.

I go through times when I seem to be having a good relationship with someone…but give it a few months and its gone.

Im at a loss of what to do

February 28, 2014 at 8:07 am #51991

Purpose
Participant

Hello Kim.. frankly when i was reading your post i just thought u have written my story.. !
Kim my dear i would love to tel u that from now onwards u r too in my PRAYERS
trust me i can really understand what you are going through
Kim you knw if i tel u in short few things..u will be able to relate
i m generally v confident n happy person..ok alone… but when it comes to frnz..m very caring..outgoing..upbeat..always der for each of them..be at 2’o clock in d night..always der to lend my patient ear.. Showing empathy..cheering up
I always put my frnz recommendations for meeting olaces..days..time..always der on time…but i always see..weder dey turn up v late..so i hav to wait for long..or they tel lets meet next time..or dey wud just cancel on the 11th hour!!
(but yes fewtimes al is gud..but dats rare)
Going thru al dis again n again put myself in a doubt of my ability as a frnd..i feel so bad.. Sometimes i cal them..thy do not hav time…
kim its also that i dont get my texts replied…
so now u can see we both are sailing on d same boat..and please relax..you are not alone my dear… we all suffer…we all go thru such struggles n emotional problems…
kim wid al this…u knw i hav gained some inner strength..which developed slwly gradually… now i dont expect.. I do ask for meet ups..i do cal..but not to talk my side…i talk little n then listen to them.. i hav stopped expectibg from anyone…and it has given me immense peace..
This made me little touchy initially…as i thought why shud i talk or meet when its not abt me equally…but then…i slowly started enjoyng my solitude..i started writtng..journaling… positive self talk… This has made me to knw myself better ..be wid myself..leaen abt myself..and love myself… i see it as like this..that they al hav given me a chance to knw myself more..had i been a person who wud be understood by oders..but not by my own self…what a waste it wud have been.. 🙂
thats how life teaches…!
you too take it that u r a great human being..u r definately a superb friend.. u truly deserve frnz who appreciate and respect u… So my frnd…better wait for those who desrve you.. im also waiting for dos onez… 🙂
God is Great..he is watching..all will be fine…
hope i helped in some way..
please smile Kim… u luk great wid it ..im very sure abt it 🙂
tc

February 28, 2014 at 1:02 pm #52023

Ymgraine
Participant

I just want to say your both looking for external sources of validation and creation of happiness.
your looking to others to fill you up to satisfy your needs to find you in the loneliness, no on ewants to be responsible for others, especially their feelings of happiness, it’s fleeting and does away and then there is guilt and misunderstanding and loss.

Stop looking for them to come to you to satisfy your needs for companuionship, learn to be your own companion. Go to movies by yourself, the gym, the library, start a book club at a local book shop, stop looking to tohers to find self worth and value.

Be the person people wantnto be around to emulate, love yourself and find yourself and be alright with it just being you. your lonely because you are dependant on others for approval, validation and love. you do not love and respect yourself or realize you must be a whole person onto yourself before anyone will find value in your company.
I’ll bet you admire those people who go out alone, who seem complete in themselves….

When you love yourself you have no feelings of loneliness because you are happy just as you are.
Learn to love you and be happy in your own company.. it will attract others to you like a moth to a flame.

I know ….I used to be like you.

February 28, 2014 at 1:51 pm #52027

Anonymous
Inactive

very sad post but i wonder if there is a way to see if you are doing something to push away friends. It is hard thing to see in ourselves but you may find something to grow from

February 28, 2014 at 2:41 pm #52031

Al
Participant

Kim,

Please give us more details as to what the cause of your anxiety and depression is. Doing so may help us in giving you more direct help and advice.

March 2, 2014 at 11:15 am #52083

Kim
Participant

I maybe do push away people…by being open about my depression, when I feel like I can trust a person or feel like they may benefit from hearing about it. Maybe me being honest about that puts them off…but if you can be open and honest with your ‘friends’ who can you be?!
Maybe I put them off by trying too hard to keep in contact…maybe the depression and anxiety makes me run hot and cold at times, so I can be hard to read-but if asked, I will be honest-most times.

I have had depression on and off for over 10 years now, with no major life event to lead me to this, so maybe just how im made up – anxiety has come as well in the last 5-8 years. At the moment it’s social anxiety which I fight with what I have in me and try and carry on as normal as possible when Im around the children as I dont want to pass my issues on to them

x

March 2, 2014 at 4:59 pm #52095

Al
Participant

There are many triggers to depression. I believe the largest one is that society (especially western society) emphasizes too heavily on financial and career development in our youth with very little being mental and spiritual. We are carried by this tide and find ourselves washed ashore on an unknown island full of things we fear and do not understand. Because we’ve been so unprepared, the stress we amass from having no grasp of ourselves and surrounding overwhelms and numbs us, resulting in depression.

My advice for you is to reset and to redevelop yourself. Slowly take the time to find what you love and enjoy to do. Find what is important, what you find has value, find what makes you happy and find what is worth giving your all to. Don’t rush, because this is important. We never rush important things. Also, baby steps. You do not have to do everything at once. Trying is already a great first step.

Concentrate on this the best you can. Depression is something that we must mostly battle by ourselves. It is our own will, not others’, that will help us. Remember, happiness is obtained only if we desire it.

Warm Regards,

Al

March 3, 2014 at 5:27 am #52155

Ryan Viola
Participant

This is very painful. I must say you must take a life with the strong soul and keep going…. take a life on track with your family and good friends who will be with you in your bad times and will not disappeared.
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