Somebody please listen to me

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 11 months ago by Cris D..

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December 30, 2013 at 2:44 am #47926
Precious K
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Hello…..I need a friend who is willing to listen to me and give me a piece of advise
This year has been emotionally very traumatic but has been rewarding as well. However I have no motivation left …I have been living in the shadow of fear of being misjudged and losing everything I have

Early this year a long term relationship Came to an end as my ex walked away instead of standing up for our relationship under his family influence. Besides that I discovered a few friends took my advantage as an opportunity to establish themselves and later bullied me. In a way now I’m glad they are not a part of my life anymore.I was heart broken …felt deceived…was very depressed and panicked ..moved cities to start a better life…

Soon after few weeks I lost one of my family members in an accident who was very dear to me.their untimely passing away left me with no hope. I felt there was nothing good left in life for me or my family. Later I came across a lovely man, who is now my husband. Even though I lived my life independently I come from a conservative background.I happened to discuss my past with my husband before we decided to get married as I wanted to make sure We were taking an informed decision instead of inviting unnecessary drama of past life into married life. My husband reassured me he doesn’t care about my past and he is a practical person with a positive outlook towards life and relationships.However I still keep worrying that there are wolves around us and that we need to keep us safe from them.

One of my friends who I always considered a trustworthy friend started behaving indifferently towards me ever since my ex broke up with me. They know everything about my personal life and whenever they saw me in person they were passing indecent comments by illustrating someone else’s circumstances that I could relate to me and my past. I discovered that they were directing those comments towards me. This person kept playing mind games with me.. They would encourage me and the next moment they would say something that deeply hurt my existence on this planet. They have been so insensitive about the death in my family too. Their harsh words (they misjudged my character) at times influenced me to rethink about my marriage. My family kept motivating me and reminded me how I lived my life so far without compromising on my values and honesty and that I should just believe things will fall in place. I could not avoid this person completely as I really hold a sense of respect for our friendship and I have gratitude towards them for being there for me during tough times in the past. I kept being patient with this person as I could sense they are not being themselves by acting indifferently towards me & that they will get back to their normal self. I contacted this person recently and they are still quite insensitive towards me and now I feel they are rejoicing the death of my family member.

Overall my fault is I over trusted my ex & my friends. Gave them an opportunity to deceive me. I’m just so exhausted with what ever happened in my life. I’m greatful to have been married to a man who is loving, practical and matured however I’m still living a fake life. I’m scared of being misjudged & labeled. I’m forced to keep in touch with sheep skinned wolves who I’m afraid they may talk bad about me and my past to my husband’s acquaintances. Ever since I lost my family member I have lost faith that everyone around me wants to bring me down. They cannot see me happy. The experiences I have had with people has created a sense of doubt in me towards everyone and everything. How can someone be cruel , & they know you are already suffering. Do you just stay quite , accept their harsh judgements (ignore) and let them walk all over you to protect yourself as they have known your life and they have power to screw your life? How can I tell them enough is enough? I do not wish to live with this fear anymore or I better die. I don’t want to be a cause of trouble to my husband in anyway. Why should I suffer when I haven’t done anything wrong. Is this what you get for sticking by your values and being honest – pain & deceit?

Stay Blessed
- This topic was modified 10 years, 11 months ago by Precious K.
- This topic was modified 10 years, 11 months ago by Precious K.
December 30, 2013 at 4:31 am #47935

Eric Schmit
Participant

You have answered your own question here, “Why should I suffer when I haven’t done anything wrong” the real question is why are you allowing yourself to suffer?

December 30, 2013 at 7:26 am #47945

Asmallhope
Participant

Hello, I’m Listening

What’s the point of living with this fear of being hurt whet you are happy with the person you’ve found? They are not concerned with your past and seem stable enough to go through whatever, with you. Why ruin what is good with fears of the past? If you want to protect yourself and this person take extra precautions, but being scared of all the things that could happen will probably exacerbate your problems. If you know you;ve found the love you’ve wanted and its actually within your grasp, treasure it.

December 30, 2013 at 10:34 am #47961

babylaughter
Participant

You don’t have to suffer. Time to move on without them. Change can be painful, but it is worthwhile. To move on, what will you do differently? How will you think differently?

December 30, 2013 at 11:23 am #47966

Lyla McLean
Participant

It’s been hard for me to see that I have chosen to have people in my life who are not healthy. I trusted the untrustworthy because I didn’t trust myself.
I hate the thought that we teach people how to treat us but it appears to be true. In future I will confide much less in people and keep a journal where I can express my truth. There are folks who seem to rejoice in the pain of others. Avoid them like the plague that they are. Lack of discernment was one of my many troubles and I dragged the past into today causing myself misery over and over. When I told people how I’d been mistreated and ripped off I was opening myself to awakening the thief and abuser in others. I was saying, without being conscious of it ” I am a person who can be mistreated and stolen from.” Recently a ” friendship ” ended and , along with it, I hope, my past way of being endlessly tolerant. Why should any of us tolerate any kind of abuse? Maybe I thought it made me a better person. I don’t think so now because there was too often an undercurrent of resentment about the way I was being treated and she never admitted to wrong-doing. She even took a job that I was going to be for our mutual benefit. I forgave her but became wary also. Friendship is supposed to be fun, supportive and caring. If a relationship is not those things it is not friendship. I was also depressed and too lazy to make better friends. I am responsible for my experiences in life and my reactions.
My former friend was constantly putting me down and arguing with me if I expressed an opinion. So I thought of what I’d so often said to others, ” if you’re in a dance with someone and they are waltzing, start dancing the polka. They will not be able to keep waltzing. I asked my friend if we could study something spiritual together. She walked out of my life just when my brother was dying. I discovered that, while I was angry, I was greatly relieved. With a friend like her I didn’t need enemies. She has talked against me but I don’t care. The people who listen to her will hear how nasty she is being rather than what may be wrong with me. I can’t worry about how others experience me. I’m not going to turn myself into a pretzel to please people who don’t matter. I’m not going to dim my lights so someone else won’t be jealous.
Please try to just be grateful for the lessons learned from your negative experiences. Don’t pull them into the present where it sounds like you have a wonderful opportunity to create a much happier life.
I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your family member. Hospice often has programs to help the newly bereaved. My brother died a month ago and I’m going to honour his memory by creating as good a life as I can for myself. There is also a Facebook page called ” grief speaks out ” where you will find comfort and understanding.

Good luck with your journey. Love, hugs and blessings, Lyla

January 5, 2014 at 10:56 pm #48464

Cris D.
Participant

Hi there, the only things I learn from this life it’s don’t let other take away your happiness. Gathering up courage is scary as people eyes, but you can’t give up yet. Don’t be harsh on yourself.
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