Hi Nikki,

I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time and that it feels like you lost everything. Starting over is definitely not an easy thing to do especially when dealing with a broken heart and depression.  7 years is a long time to be with someone and it will take time for you to heal from this unfortunately they do not make pills for broken hearts.

You have done a lot in the span of 9 weeks, got a new job, new apartment and going back to school those are HUGE steps in such a short amount of time.  That shows that you are much stronger than you realize.  You are not damaged just a little broken right now and it is nothing to be ashamed of it’s just what you are going through at this point in your life. I know you probably do not see this right now but sometimes the most painful times will lead to much better times. As hard as it is sometimes you need to lose everything so that you can start a new and possibly better life.

You are still young at 33 years old you still have such a huge part of your life ahead of you, this is hard to do but try not to stress about what will be rather try to focus on what needs to heal now.  Be proud of everything you have done to pick yourself up so far, focus on your studies, your new job and maybe take the time to decorate your apartment if you have not done so yet and if that cheers you up a little. Enjoy having your friends and family around, I know it does not make the pain go away but at least you don’t have to go through it alone. Keep going as much as you can, allow yourself to have the feelings you have(without judging yourself) the harder you try to fight them the harder it will be to move on. If you enjoy writing you can try writing down how you feel sometimes it will give you a different perspective.

Eventually, your heart will become less heavy and it will be easier for you to breath, you will be stronger with everything you have gone through. Chances are that you WILL get married and have kids, it might happen sooner than you think or realize. Try to see it as starting over a better life instead of having lost everything.

You’ve been through a lot. And I relate to you a lot. I was at sea about my whole life, not knowing what will be the future and what I shoush be doing. You’re doing so much better than me. I went straight into depression. My boyfriend left me, and I loved him to pieces. He left and I was shook. Torn apart. I was put on meds. I was in 1st year of my college, living in hostel and I couldn’t attend lectures. So I left the university and came back to my home. Still depressed. I feared if I’ll be able to love again. I felt like I had lost the capacity. After him I never loved someone, I still don’t, it’s been two years. But now I’m open and welcoming new good people in my life. And I am allowing myself to fall in love again. Because I love myself more. Yes I did love him. I did cry, cut myself, tried killing myself but all that stuff helped me move on. And by moving on I don’t mean hating him, instead forgiving him. It takes time. It still does, sometimes I still get all angry thinking of him. But it doesn’t affect me now. He’s gone let him be. I understand your pain dear, but you’re stronger feel the pain and then get out of it. It’ll take time but keep yourself busy. Go to meet people you love. You can’t forcefully keep someone, it’d have been even worse if you had children with him, think of living whole life with a man who doesn’t love you. It’s good that he did now. It’d have been more devastating. Cry and build a bridge and get over. You got a great life ahead. Take care. And if possible please try to go to therapy… It helps…

Dear Nikki 1984:

I hope you feel better soon. I don’t know if it will help you to share about it (and get some input on what you share), but if it will help you, do share: what happened? Why did he quit on the relationship after seven years?

anita