Two years ago I met my favourite person on this planet. It was an accident we even got together as a couple, and for months it was a secret as there is a twenty year age gap between us both. Eventually he met my parents and my family realised he loved me and I wasn’t just a trophy when he travelled from London for over an hour each way to visit me in hospital when I was poorly.
He has and still injects warmth, love and a feeling of wholeness and wellbeing into my life. However, his life is somewhat ‘limited’ (according to him). He has an established career, a child, a mortage and we currently rent one room in a run down house because because of his commitments. I always craved to travel and we decided that we would travel together each year on holidays (we have had 11 since we have been together) and then take a year off when his son is old enough and back pack properly.
In the past 10 months my life has been somewhat unstable in regards to an education and career. However now I am working in a vets and I love it. I travel 2 hours each way which does make me drained. I asked to move and he can’t. Then about 6 weeks ago we argued and we weren’t right for 2 weeks. He was due to go away to Germany for 2 weeks on a course – I wanted to sort it out before he went in fear that it would distance us further. We did talk and cry and actually had a wonderful evening. Then he left and hardly spoke to me the whole time. Not known to me, it was over.
He has left me because he thinks he is a ‘stone around me neck’ I need to ‘fly’ and he doesn’t want me ‘to hate and regret him’. I’m totally devastated. I have lost my fiance and my life partner.
We currently still live togehter, still love each other and are still best friends. I am due to start my veterinary nurse training and I am fiancially and emotionally stuck. I have to find a new home, start a new lift and I feel crushed. I wish he could see how I really feel; I think he finds this hard because he is emotionally very regimented. I cannot escape my feelings – I even dream about them. I didn’t appreciate what we had properly and I think I was ungrateful. He thinks I will be flourish when I move out. I want to make it work with him, but I am also aware that I cannot force someone to want something that they do not. I am leaving because it will make him happier as it makes him sad to see me down.
He is as sad as I am and wants us to try again in the future when I have ‘things out of my system’. He says he will keep in touch every week and he has never done this with an ex before. I don’t know if he is saying this to make me feel better about leaving or not.
Any advice here? This ran has acted as some kind of catharsis – hope you all don’t mind. I fell like my soul mate is lost but forever in my heart and mind.