July 11, 2013 at 3:50 pm #38460luisParticipant
Ever since I was 15 years old, my life has been all about the inside rather than the outside world; emotions, doubts, questions, feelings, sadness, happiness. I never understood why I felt that way, so different from everyone else. I looked at people, including my family and they appeared to me as “robots” (that’s what I like to call people who don’t have the privilege of experiencing what I was experiencing and live merely on the material and physical world). All that time I had to go through ups and downs, but every time I fell, I got up even stronger, closer to true form, wiser and much more intuitive and sensitive. But I have to admit that every time I fell it also felt darker and much more depressive. There were times when I started crying out of nothing and this cycle repeated for about 11 years, which means im 26 right now =)
2 months ago, something extraordinary and unexplainable happened to me, of course, It was not out of nothing. I was feeling a little depressed and emotional about some relationship problems and thanks to that I finally and truly became to realize the power within me. It was like somehow those emotional problems I was having pushed myself to my limits and I broke free. I became so close to my soul, to my true form (whatever you want to call it) that I love myself so much right now and I am able to express it on the outside without being needy or expecting the same thing from other people. I feel like somehow I am finally free to do whatever I want. I became extremely intuitive and sensitive to other people’s feelings. I even decided to test it and could easily tell how people felt even by just texting me! it is incredible =) sometimes I feel surges of energy, of emotion in my heart, like something is alive and vibrating inside and I get so much clarity of mind that I can finally understand why everything happened the way it did and where things are headed.
I feel so content and happy in my own company that I began to enjoy every single moment and thing I do. It is like I was reborn.
what do you guys think abut this? has anyone ever experienced this before?July 11, 2013 at 5:36 pm #38465MattParticipant
I’m very happy that you have found an unconditioned state of bliss! The specifics would not be appropriate to discuss for many reasons, but perhaps what you are experiencing is the first jhana.
Buddha said that aspects of the supramundane are not appropriate to perform in public, and is known to admonish his students for performing miracles. He specifically said that he was ashamed of all powers except one, the power to teach. The others increase suffering, as those who witness siddhis are pushed into a deeper dualism of fascination. Said differently, when you use your empathy to prove its accuracy, your mind is pushed into a “look what I can do” and their’s “look what he can do” which are both distractions from the path.
Consider looking into a local sangha for a teacher, who may help you figure out what to do next.
MattJuly 18, 2013 at 9:07 am #38850Victoria F.Participant
I had a very similar experience after finally leaving a bad relationship I had been in on and off for 2 years. I was so depressed and exhausted that I almost began to enjoy the melancholia I would feel at times and just accepted the sadness as part of life. Then I started to actively make steps to take care of myself and I reached a point where I saw myself for the first time with a clarity I had never had before. It was as if I turned on a light I couldn’t turn off and I really just felt totally at peace with myself. And it really isn’t something you explain to others, like “oh I really love myself” because most don’t understand. But I definitely understand the feeling of being reborn and just having admiration for yourself. I felt as if I was on fire inside but in the best possible way. It’s a very powerful thing and I truly believe it enables you to do anything and create a life of love for yourself. I’m happy other people have experienced it too!
VictoriaAugust 2, 2013 at 8:26 pm #39655Alexander E.Participant
Thank you for sharing your experience. I can also attest to something similar. I spent some time in northern Thailand at a retreat center called New Life Foundation for two months. There I was given the time and space to ‘listen’ to what was rustling around inside of me. That experience eventually brought me so close to my authentic and true self. Some days were depressing, but I was still happy and was able to become aware of and understand why the depression was there.
I left Thailand about three months ago to come to Singapore to begin a new job and it has been difficult to maintain that space for understanding and listening to my heart. A book that I’ve read recently and refer to it often to remind myself about the processes that all human beings go through is Awareness by Anthony De Mello. You can also find some youtube videos of his online. What you speak about reminded me strongly of what he has to saw.
AlexanderAugust 20, 2013 at 9:59 pm #40890luisParticipant
thank you for sharing your story with us. I really appreciate it and I am glad that you have experienced these feelings too. There is always a starting point and I think we are in heading the right direction =). Oh and by the way, I recommend you guys reading The Journey to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda. The theme of the book is very similar to what we have experienced and I think you will love it! It’s a beautiful book. Thank you for posting =)