July 25, 2013 at 2:21 am #39154evvvParticipant
I’m 18 years old and I just moved to my father’s house, he recently moved in with his girlfriend so I currently live in a city I really don’t know, I have no single friend around. I’m trying to get a job but just the thought of roaming around in a city which I don’t know makes me really scared. that doesn’t mean I stay in the house all day long, I did find a job but I got fired after one day. I know there would be so many rejections out there, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have the energy to get up and keep searching, or enough time to save money and pay my driving lessons, my music lessons and the healthy food I rather eat.
Where can I take energies from? What are the little things I can hold on to? How do you start changing your thoughts and habits to positive ones and really believing you CAN find your place? How do you stop listening to negative scenarios that plays in your head? How do you push and never give up?July 25, 2013 at 1:53 pm #39204MattParticipant
There is something magical about being at zero. Consider that you have nothing to lose! That being said, inside there is plenty to lose. 🙂 I mean that in terms of all the fantasy rejection you go through, as well as the mental cycles. Both use up your energy, which can leave you feeling like you don’t have any energy to create the life you want to live… so you start looking around for an energy source.
First things first, energy. It is a common misconception that we have to look outside ourselves for energy, or that we have to do something to create inner strength. This is not the case. What happens is our inner strength gets used up by unnecessary thoughts… spinning and churning, picturing and imagining. The way we stop this is by noticing that we are caught in a mental loop and step aside.
This is easier said than done, which is why Buddhism is considered a practice. When we sit in meditation we develop concentration, which is what allows us to step out of mental cycles. Eventually the cycles erode and just don’t come up anymore, which allows us to do something else with our strength. For a meditation practice, consider looking around you city for a Buddhist sangha, and inquire about some instruction. They also usually have group meditation, which might help you make some friends that are working with their mind in a similar way. Most well practiced Buddhists I know are great friends.
As for the other pieces, consider that your motivation is pretty selfish right now. You want to work, not to give your efforts to the world, but because you want things. This is normal and reasonable, but its also a less clean fuel. If you consider your strengths, and how much need this world has for what your heart has to offer, then perhaps you could look to see how you can use your time to the benefit of others. I don’t mean that you should be selfless, rather it is generosity that fuels our joy. Going out and trying your best to give your all to your family, employer, friends… this is how we harness raw inspiration and happiness. The universe moves all of us toward harmony, and if we accept that and play along, we feel joy. If we resist it, we feel pain (sometimes as mental cycles, tastelessness, feeling “stuck” etc).
Lastly, it seems like you’ve forgotten how to play. When we were a kid, we could play with a truck for hours and be happy. We could sit with a blank page and crayons and create moments of happiness from nothing but colored wax sticks. How amazing is that? Where’d that version of us go? To find him again, perhaps you could go in front of a mirror and make faces at yourself. Dance, wiggle, make weird noises. Look at how serious you’ve been taking every little thing and even so you are the goofy kid that laughed and laughed. He’s in there, waiting for you to let him out.
Sometimes it is only from a place of zero that we can seen the truth. Yes, there are material desires such as the food you prefer, playing an instrument, driving a car… but those are just obscuring the real desires you have for courage, peace of mind, romantic and platonic love (including self love), and knowing yourself. Attend those needs first, and the others work out with grace. Namaste, distant brother.
MattJuly 25, 2013 at 4:49 pm #39208evvvParticipant
Matt, i’m really grateful for you respond, it’s highly appreciated 🙂
I just got back from a night out with friends and your comment really warmed my heart.
I think that those vicious circles and the horror stories i’m telling myself in my head are my best friends, I know it sounds odd, but in the minute I don’t let myself connect to my biggest fears and push them to the side they seem even bigger than what they really are. If I brainwash myself into positive thinking I immediately don’t let my fears take place and they are really important to me. I don’t want to experience my fears in real life, I don’t want to be an homeless and a parasite in real life, so I imagine myself in to most horrible situations and this is when I really realize that they are not real, that in the end of all these horror stories there is a good end, because I know myself, I know I have my consciousness and my powers.
In the end of the day I think fear is really important to feel, so we could overcome it.
I think your absolutely right about my selfishness, I know I am selfish, and this year is going to be only about selfishness, since last year I volunteered as an assistant to teachers in an elementary school of deaf children, I learned a lot of it, I found myself identifying with the children so much, sometimes they reached to the 5th grade without knowing how to read, they were neglected by the system and by they’re teachers sometimes, the problem was, I couldn’t identify with the teachers and understand how miserable they were that they couldn’t get the right guidance how to reach the kids and answer they’re emotional needs. I found myself criticizing them for slacking around drinking coffee and leaving me with the kids alone. I was also trying to solve my own problems and felt like I can’t really find my place there, or at home with my mother.
now I really feel it’s a good time to invest in myself and stop neglecting myself so I could also invest in the people around me hopefully 🙂
Your’re so right!! I have to start being a little kid again!! I forgot it or never knew how to do it, since I also tried to only survive growing up… there is a great moving energy about being 18 and thinking every perception you have on the world is just what your parents and environment thought you, and now you have a full choice to teach yourself something else, something alternative, Its pretty much like the whole world is waiting for me to take a look at and I have to do it in baby steps, try out everyday something a bit different… and stop avoiding the things I feel and the things the world offers me…
I dont know If I love myself but I’m just starting to understand I’m not perfect and the people around me can’t always confirm my feelings… I’m starting to understand proportions, I’m starting to understand all my unnecessary defense mechanisms, I’m starting listening to the people around me, to differentiate between illusion and reality.
I thank you greatlyJuly 25, 2013 at 8:40 pm #39221David GoettschParticipant
You know your post made me think of one of my favorite quotes by Alan Watts: “The only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance”.
The world is your oyster, as long as you keep pushing yourself out that door you will start finding the energy you want! Matt really hit it home on this one, so I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but your whole life is in front of you, start living it! And for the love of goodness do not fear rejection. Every successful person has suffered rejection after rejection after rejection to get where they are today. The key to life isn’t being skillful, its being persistent. Just keep moving forward and you will find your way my friend!
personalgrowthproject.comJuly 27, 2013 at 2:36 am #39269gopipendyalaParticipant
one thing what i believe is that, on each day we are waking up really means that its a new and real oppurtunity to change our lives.what we have to do is not losing hope.believe in god especially believe in you which is most important thing.starting from zero is nothing but what ever we are going to do can be planned and can be implemented perfectly.so first sit aside then write down your core competencies and work on them do basic homework on your weaknesses as well.try to know each possible oppurtunity and give your best but remember one thing there is on person who look after us on every movement that is god believe in him and in you as well.keep going what ever may happen.
most important thing is that after every negative and sad there gonna be a greater and positive one. we have the muscle even to move the mountains as said by swami vivekananda.rejections are the oppurtunities to correct ourselves take them as challenges.
what ever it may be what my personal life lesson is that “whatever may be your circumstance but don’t forget to enjoy your life even great budha said that life is to be lived”.another important thing is that life on this earth is uncertain so what we have to do is keep going enjoy till we can.you may ask us how to do that.thare is only one answer is that do what ever you like to do.make time for yourself think about your positives forget your weaknesses don’t think about them even.
be yourself you can do that.god must bless you.