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  • #44258
    Ben
    Participant

    I have been single for over a year now, over the past few years I have struggled to form any sort of relationships with the opposite sex. For a long time the prospect scared me, I would go out, see someone I’d love to talk to then do all I could do avoid doing so, then get angry at myself for being a coward. This went on for a long time, I entered a downward spiral, I was desperate and lonely and thought I was never going to find anyone or anything meaningful. My last 2 relationships were absolute jokes with girls who treated me terribly and were frankly nuts, but I kind of blame myself for allowing myself to be treated that way and letting it slide because I was scared of being alone again. Since then I have learnt a lot. I have grown up a lot after a recent heartbreak, and I have learnt to love and accept myself. Although it is a clichΓ© a truly believe you cannot be loved by others until you love yourself. I feel great about myself and the future and am working on changing my thoughts about relationships and my own self worth everyday.

    Has anyone been on a similar Journey? Where are you now and what helped you? Although I’m happy and enjoying my journey, it takes a great deal of discipline and determination.

    #44277
    Francis V
    Participant

    I had been single for over 3 years. After the painful breakup, i told myself, instead of getting into dating spree why don’t I try to DATE myself instead. From there, i was able to do things that I wanted to to, had more time to read and pursue my hobbies, spent more time with my family and friends. I was able to rebuild myself. I become more confident and I love myself more than ever. Just 4 months ago, I found the person whom I was attracted to. but getting into a new relationship, it gives me maturity and better ways on handling things.

    #44280
    Rashmi
    Participant

    Hello Ben
    You’re spot on about loving yourself first, if you can’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you back? I know you think you’re lonely but you really aren’t. Another key point to remember about your situation is that you should never feel “lonely” I mean its okay to feel “lonely” sometimes but the reason you get in to a relationship should not be to fill a void in your life. I used to do that too. I wanted to be in a relationship because I felt “lonely” then I realized that is never a good enough of a reason to jump in to a relationship. Your life needs to be full of things that keep you happy and engaged. Go for dancing lessons, take an art class, volunteer at a local charity, fill your life with fun and meaningful activities. That way you meet more new people too. More social gatherings mean you get to practice being confident. YOu make great friends and meet potential love interests. Its a great way to boost your self confidence. The more confident and happy you feel the more attractive you become to other people. Relationships cannot fill you up with the love you think you deserve, you need to fill yourself with the love you deserve then it spills out and fills everything else in your life.
    Here’s an article to read πŸ™‚
    http://lovingboldly.com/blog/your-inner-critic/

    #44338
    bodhisatva
    Participant

    Hi Ben and Francis,
    I have been on the same road for the past 4 months, after suffering my first real heart break, and boy is it something. Currently i think i am faking it till i make it.. but i have found if you continue to smile and talk positive, no matter what, however bad you may be feeling inside, it does blunts the pain a bit.. and i hope i will get into a habit of just smiling and breathing through these moments.. and have decided once i get to that point, may be then start dating again. I have always been quite reserved and find it hard to make new friends, specially because i am not from the country, but am trying to expand my horizons there as well.. but it is nice to know so many people across here have been through same (and some freakishingly similar stories, which makes me believe everyone is the same and have a good and a bad side) and have grown so much. It gives me immense hope and strength. And really cool words to tell myself when i am down πŸ™‚ My best wishes and prayers to all of you, please take care
    B

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