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Still stuck a year on and in a new relationship

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #131985
    Whirlwind147
    Participant

    Hi all

    My story well i was in a 16 year relationship from age 14 which ended in early 2015. Now divorced with 2 children but that was for the best and i was left with no emotional baggage or feelings.

    3 months later i met someone who i dated for 6 months which she ended in feb 2016 sighting wanting different things, lack of time etc which i think was just a soft way of letting me down.

    It crushed me and i rebounded twice into 2 short 7 week stints with two ladies which i am sure hasnt helped my healing process. I then met my current gf in august and we are still going strong. She is much prettier than this ex of the past and we are better matched and everything just feels good. My problem is i cant help having thoughts about the ex and wanting to talk to her even though i know i now have a better relationship. Ive had spells where i feel i have made great strides with letting go but then nostagia kicks in at some point. Had my first counselling session two weeks ago which looked at mindfulness and not reacting to thoughts and feelings but im struggling to let this pass amd im still tempted to try and talk to her even on a platonic level im just not sure if thats wise amd fair on my current gf. My head says contact will only cause more pain.

    I really should be over this by now but think its because she was the first one i fell in love with as an adult as my wife was from getting together through school years. Maybe i struggle with rejection due to my upbringing where my father didn’t care to much to see me. I must sound really confused but i hate this constant daily battle with my mind and dont want to make a big mistake.

    • This topic was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Whirlwind147.
    #132579
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lukesblues:

    I don’t see any way that contacting your ex girlfriend will NOT be “a big mistake” if you value your current girlfriend and your relationship with her.

    To look at your motivation in overly thinking about that ex girlfriend, it could be, like you suggested, I think, that her rejection of you triggered your father’s rejection of you, and you crave her acceptance like you crave/craved your father’s acceptance. Could it be?

    anita

    #132619
    Whirlwind147
    Participant

    Anita i think you are spot on. I purchased the letting go resource today and had a good read and it definitely helps. I wouldn’t want to jeopardise what i have now because when i analyse it i have a stronger relationship with the same aspirations.

    Think it was also my first real heatbreak as an adult and the rejection really hurt. However i know i must pull through it and show more gratitude for what i have right now.

    Thanka for your assistance.

    #132621
    Whirlwind147
    Participant

    Also another trait i have is i tend to want to fix things when in my perception they need to be fixed instead of learning to let it go and having acceptance. Thats been the hardest part for me.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Whirlwind147.
    #132627
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lukesblues:

    Your tendency to fix things leads you to focus on broken things, doesn’t it? So you focus on the broken relationship at the expense of the one not broken.

    I suggest you focus on the healthy relationship. If you only wait a little longer, there will be problems in this one too, as there are problems in any relationship. I hope those problems will be easily fixable or manageable.

    And you didn’t fix your father, or your relationship with your father, so you are not that good (no one is!) at fixing major, unfixable problems. Another reason to focus on the less-major problems…

    anita

    #132643
    Whirlwind147
    Participant

    Thanks anita your words and guidance are appreciated. Time to live in the present and refocus my energies to those that matter right now

    #135213
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lukesblues:

    You are welcome. Makes sense to not break THIS relationship and then try to fix it.
    anita

    #135569
    VJ
    Participant

    Dear lukesblues,

    She is much prettier than this ex of the past and we are better matched and everything just feels good.”

    This statement is enough to understand that you are comparing your current relationship with your ex.

    “My problem is i cant help having thoughts about the ex and wanting to talk to her even though i know i now have a better relationship.”

    This is understandable and you are not at fault. From what you have explained you still have the energetic cords (ties) of attachment with this person. These cords are invisible since they are at an energetic level. They are also called as psychic ties.
    All you have to do is cut the energetic cords of attachment to get it out from your head so that you can be fully present.

    Please go through the below links to know more on what it is and what to do-
    (http://ascendedrelationships.com/cutting-energy-cords/)

    (http://www.soulconnection.ca/cord-cutting.html)

    Calling upon Archangel Michael with his golden sword is a very famous way of cutting negative cords-
    (http://www.nikkiboruch.com/how-to-cut-energetic-cords-with-archangel-michael)

    There are many ways of doing this. Simply do a web search on “cutting energetic cords of attachment”

    Also if you prefer something visual then there are lots of videos on YouTube too.

    Take care,
    VJ

    #135753
    Whirlwind147
    Participant

    Thank you VJ this is great and will definitely look at those resources

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