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Stop living in the past and future.. help

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  • March 26, 2014 at 8:41 am #53561
    shewolf
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m from Belgium so i’m sorry i’ve my spelling isn’t always correct.

    I used to be a very funny girl, always laughing, always making fun and making other people laugh.
    But I did – do have issues with I believe commitment issues. “bindingsangst”.

    Sinds my ex : I was a third person .. He kept me believing I was the one he would choose and live for. for 2,5 years.
    This really broke me.. not only in my heart but also in my believe in the goodness of other people.

    I’m in a new relationship now, and we are about to get married, but I i still feel my past and anxiety hanging over me and it prevents me from being truly happy.

    I’m always worrying, alway comparing myself with others, and I’m so, so, so very much afraid that my partner will cheat on me. Even though there is absolutly no reason to think this, because he doensn’t even as much as look at another woman. And I know this but still I can’t seem to stop thinking all of dees doom scenarios.

    Everybody that meets me eventually go : why are you always being so negative?
    Why are you putting yourself down and why in the world are you so insecure?
    Stop comparing yourself to others and live your own life!

    And no matter how much I try… I can’t…

    I read the belgium book of “mindfullness in a relation” and I liked the concept “mindfulness” so therefore

    I’m here… seeking help

    I hope you have some tips for me.. just to get me started or mayby a good book?

    I can read english like it would be my own language so english books are no problem.

    I’m sorry i’ve my spelling is off though… 🙂

    • This topic was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by shewolf.
    March 26, 2014 at 9:09 am #53566
    Stripes
    Participant

    Did something happen to you as a child? Maybe issues with your parents? I’ve found that issues with my parents has affected my adulthood and I’ve tried reconciling with that. Perhaps dealing directly with the source of the pain can help resolve your issues.

    March 26, 2014 at 9:42 am #53570
    shewolf
    Participant

    Hi

    not that I can remember.. they are in a good marriage, and I got everything I needed for school ect.. Even now they still help and support me and my sister. I do have the feeling I’m constantly searching the aprovel of my father, however I don’t know why.. He treaths my sister and me the same.
    He is a very introvert person but when it comes to it he’ll always be helping us. He raised us as boys so that we are very indepented women.

    So I don’t think the problem lies with my parents.

    I’ve been told that I’m a HSP (high sensitive person?).. I pick up other peoples emotions like nothing.. so when someone is sad, instantly i go sad to, without even knowing when it happens..; it’s kinda hard to explain this feeling…

    Like i’ve got borderline, but I don’t.

    March 30, 2014 at 5:45 am #53803
    Sage
    Participant

    Meditate. Go out into nature, do fun things with your partner and live. No thinking

    April 8, 2014 at 6:18 am #54474
    doubledragon
    Participant

    Hi, shewolf! I’m new to the site. I agree with Sage, above: meditation would be a good practice for you. Also working a lot with your self-esteem. You don’t have to compare yourself to anyone. You are who you are: not better nor worse than anyone.
    The past is over and no matter how often you revisit it, you’ll never be able to change it. We all have a past but if you can only look back in order to feel guilty, then it is useless baggage. Focus on the present. You have every reason to be happy with your new boyfriend, especially if you’ve gone so far as to decide to get married.
    Above all, don’t overthink things. Go out more, hang out with all sorts of people, do interesting things. Personally, I find the less I center myself on myself, the best things work for me.

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