November 8, 2016 at 8:32 am #119924
Lately I have been somewhat mean to my boyfriend for seemingly no reason at all. He is nothing short of amazing and I often find myself being argumentative, overly emotionally, and bratty while around him. I have been stressed out at work, am a long time survivor of depression (currently in therapy and on antidepressants), and am dealing with some family drama involving my father’s alcoholism and my sister’s speed addiction.
I am usually very good at assessing and keeping on top of my own emotions to deal with them in nondestructive ways, but recently it seems like I am unable to figure out how my current life stresses might be related to my bad behavior toward my boyfriend. I mean, I truly hope these are somehow connected because if not, that would mean that I am just really not my usual nice and fun self for no reason at all.
The worst part about my poor behavior is that every time I act out, the self hatred talk becomes very loud inside of my head. The narrative only makes me more emotional and perhaps less rational. It actually causes a great deal of anxiety, which is probably only making things worse.
My question is how to deal with this and stop behaving this way toward my boyfriend. I need some kind of plan to stop myself when I feel the bratty, nagging, negative thoughts inside my head so I don’t act on these and hurt my boyfriend. He is the one person who is my rock right now and if I push him away, I would be devastated.November 8, 2016 at 8:54 am #119925AnonymousGuest
Dear Flora Rose:
Welcome back! Before replying directly to this thread, will you share what happened with your last (first) thread? It is the same boyfriend as five months ago, correct? Did he since verbally express his feelings for you and did you find out his position about the relationship with you, where it is going and such?
anitaNovember 8, 2016 at 9:10 am #119928
Yes, it’s the same boyfriend. We are doing great and are in love, he expresses this often. No complaints there.November 8, 2016 at 9:17 am #119929AnonymousGuest
Dear Flora Rose:
I agree: if you push away your boyfriend, who is your rock, you will be devastated. It is clear to me that your irritability is connected to your distress outside the relationship, at work and in the drama with your family.
Your involvement in the drama of your family, your father’s alcoholism and your sister speed addiction, is harming you. Got to extricate yourself from that drama. Your involvement in that drama can easily end up with an alcoholic father, a speed addicted sister (same as now) AND a very depressed, deeply troubled Flora Rose, and with your rock-relationship in the past.
Save yourself, and extricate yourself. Can you do that?
anitaNovember 8, 2016 at 10:29 am #119933
Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtfulness Anita. I really appreciate it. I have tried to remove myself to the extent possible from the family issues, albeit difficult. I will keep trying though, never give up.November 8, 2016 at 10:38 am #119935AnonymousGuest
Dear Flora Rose:
There is another option to “keep trying”- simply do it. Today. Let your father and sister know that you are not well as a result of your involvement with them and that you are withdrawing for the next two months (at the least), so to heal. Meaning, no contact for the next two months.
And wish them well.
anitaNovember 8, 2016 at 11:41 am #119938NinjaParticipant
Dear Flora Rose –
I fully agree with Anita. Don’t try to remove yourself from the issues with your father and sister. Just do it – today.
When we get sick with colds or other illnesses, we are allowed the time to incubate, heal, re-strengthen and simply be alone. Similarly, you are not well due to your current dynamic. Of course, you don’t have to let on that they are the problem. That may only aggravate and intensify an already challenging situation. Just be selfish (yes, selfish) – and give yourself the gift of time to sort things out, cool down and heal.
Wishing you peace today.