Forum Replies Created
November 8, 2016 at 10:29 am #119933
Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtfulness Anita. I really appreciate it. I have tried to remove myself to the extent possible from the family issues, albeit difficult. I will keep trying though, never give up.November 8, 2016 at 9:10 am #119928
Yes, it’s the same boyfriend. We are doing great and are in love, he expresses this often. No complaints there.May 31, 2016 at 1:05 pm #106101
You are so right Rock Banana. I did say ‘should’ didn’t I? It is amazing how a few hours can make things seem different. I guess perspective is everything sometimes. I sincerely appreciate your insights. I hope to have the courage to bring all of this up with him and more importantly the strength to walk away if this relationship does not end up being one that can meet my needs of the open expression we have been discussing. I like the idea of agreements. I think that’s important. I hope to better outline for myself what types of agreements I would be looking for in a specific way. Things to think about for sure.
Thanks again!May 31, 2016 at 12:42 pm #106096
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response Rock Banana. I agree wholeheartedly that people are not psychic and therefore in relationships we need to ask for and create what we want. I also totally agree that wishing he were doing something but not telling him what it is is could create stress.
I think that’s why my initial questions was whether to confront him/talk about how I am feeling or move on. I never stated or thought that he ‘should’ do anything in the relationship. It’s a matter of my needs, not what he should or shouldn’t be doing. I do have expectations and needs in my relationship, and perhaps you are correct that they would best be met by my talking with him about them. That said, I’d have to disagree with the idea of having no expectations. Having expectations of those people we are in relationships is healthy and normal. It’s a matter of realistic expectations and the ability to effectively communicate these. I also am not expecting him to change, which I why I said I’d be a-okay with moving on if he isn’t able to meet that need which is important to me.
I appreciate your sentiment that perhaps my need for open expression of feelings in a relationship has more to do with self worth and I would have to disagree in my particular case. That does not describe me. I am not looking for a constant reaffirmation of someone loving me to feel good about myself. In fact, I have been single most of my adult life and have never looked to a man to bolster my self worth. I am looking for openness and general ability to freely discuss feelings, about each other, but about things in general too.May 31, 2016 at 10:49 am #106079
Thank you again Anita. You have some good advice. Sometimes it just helps to speak these worries outloud to the world to help construct your feelings and how to express them. I really appreciate all your kind words and ideas on how to move forward.May 31, 2016 at 9:05 am #106069
Yes, you make a great point Anita. Perhaps there is a good reason why he cannot express himself verbally. I’ll have to give some good thought on how to discern if this might be the reason he is holding back and also on how to approach him about this.
To be honest, I don’t know that I can be with someone who cannot express their emotions in a verbal way. I understand if this doesn’t come naturally to him or is difficult, but if I’m honest with myself, this is something I need in a relationship and if it isn’t something he’s offering, I’m not sure this is the right relationship for me.