Hello Anita,

Life will always have moments where it’s unfair against you and unfair for you. So it kinda balances out and I don’t have to do anything about it haha.

“what did she say that’s new to you? What in her perspective, her POV, deserves your attention and consideration?”
That’s a very good question, tbh i’ve been stuck trying to figure out for a few days so i haven’t responded.

Hahaha thank you very much!!

She’s been quite vague with her responses. It’s been ~2.5 months since we spoke? I directly expressed my intentions to reconnect and see where it goes with her (romantic intentions). She told me that she said she doesn’t feel confident working things out and how things will be different and the best she can do is be friends first and we can see how it goes from there. But something felt off and I thought she didnt want to chat and was only being kind by replying me. So I wished her well and walked away, I gave her a very easy out she didn’t have to reply or anything. But she did said she wouldnt be confident without being friends first without any romantic expectations and wished me well. So that’s the confusing part to me because I interpreted that as “i’m not fully closing the door but i need to take this real slow with 0 expectations”.

So I don’t know. I’m quite lost. I do miss her as a person, I still have feelings for her. I don’t know how to approach this while maintaining my dignity and self-respect. I don’t wanna come off as begging or being needy or anything. Another thing is, I’m feeling more confident, getting back in the momentum of life and feel like I’ll be ready to start dating in a few weeks time so ya I wanna have some fun hanging out with someone and see where it goes. Part of me says i’m being impatient and if i start dating while telling her i’d like to hang out with her that feels like i’m having her as a backup option which isn’t nice and I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me as well.

~Q

Hello Anita,

I hope you are well. Yes, a part of me feels like I will regret not trying and somehow trying would give me all the closure I need. But the other part of me (logic), is weighing the opportunity cost, suspecting if im addicted to the chemicals, debating if what im doing has self respect, etc.

So I have no idea where to go from here hahaha.

This is embarrassing.

Q

Hello Anita,

I think we are on completely different timzones hahaha. I don’t know, it’s always on my mind, I try to distract myself with work, exercise and pretty much anything I can find. It’s been 3 months and it’s still lingering in my mind. Some part of me feels like maybe i’m just not strong enough to walk away and close this door. I’m just afraid of taking that leap and closing that door for good. Even though, I always believe there will always be someone out there better for me. Stuck!

Q

Hello Anita!

Close the door –> Walk away forever and there will be 0 chance of reconciliation in the near future. I’m still torn between the 2 choices but as time passes I can feel myself less conflicted and naturally drifting towards “freedom” but part of me doesn’t want that to happen and holds on tight :/

Q

Hey Anita,

I agree. I should let go of all energy that is trying to change my situation by doing something that isn’t in my control. Some examples are

1. Thinking about what the next steps I can do to get my ex back
2. Rationalizing / strategizing what to say or do to get my ex back
3. Trying to convince myself that I can / I will get her back

I recognize these thoughts and although they sound really silly to type out, it’s only human to think this way after a bond has been severed. I had a moment today at work where I was overwhelmed by so many of these thoughts and thoughts of the finality of the break up. I had to step out of the office to let my emotions take its course. It was a very unpleasant experience and I feel like I’ve been set back in my progress.

I felt a lot of hurt. When i think back to the times she promised to work things out and how she’d always be there for me, I feel deceived and abandoned. Even though, rationally part of me knows that people do say these kind of things in the heat of the moment in relationships and I should probably not take it seriously. But I’m not sure about that.

I don’t think I’ll recover from this any time soon 🙁 I think i’ll need a couple more months before I can start to feel better. I don’t know how to move forward.